Turns out books are not homework, but instead stuff a weirdo wrote down for fun. We go nuts about Moby Dick, Don Quixote, and the works of Don Barthelme. Whoever said this stuff was dry needs to shut up
[00:00:00] Now we're going to start with a dramatic reading this week. Tom, can you put on, I guess like sort of masterpiece theater music? Do you know what I mean? I know exactly what you mean.
[00:00:13] Okay.
[00:00:17] Well, we had all these children out planning trees, see because we figured that there was part of their education to see how you know the root systems and also the sense of responsibility taking care of things, being individually responsible.
[00:00:32] You know what I mean? And the trees all died. They were orange trees. I don't know why they died. They just died.
[00:00:39] Something wrong with the soil possibly or maybe the stuff we got from the nursery wasn't the best. We complained about it.
[00:00:46] So we got 30 kids there, each kid has his own little tree to plant and we've got these 30 dead trees. All these kids looking at these little brown sticks, it was depressing.
[00:00:58] And it wouldn't have been so bad except that just a couple of weeks before the thing with the trees, the snakes all died. But I think that with the snakes, well the reason that the snakes kicked it is because you remember the boiler was shut off for four days because of the strike and they was explicable.
[00:01:16] It was something you could explain to the kids because of the strike. I mean, none of the parents would let them cross the picket lines and they knew there was a strike going on and what it meant. So when things got set up again and we found the snakes, they weren't too disturbed.
[00:01:32] With the herb gardens, it was probably a case of overwatering and at least now they know not to overwater.
[00:01:38] But children were very conscientious with the herb gardens and some of them probably slipped in a little extra water when we weren't looking. Or maybe, well I don't like to think about samotage but it did occur to us.
[00:01:53] I mean it was something that crossed our minds. We were thinking that way because before that the gerbils had died and the white mice had died and the salamander.
[00:02:04] Well now they know not to carry them around in the little plastic bags. Of course we expected the tropical fish to die, there was no surprise. Those numbers you look at them crooked and they're belly up on the surface.
[00:02:16] But the lesson playing called for a tropical fish input at this point and there was nothing we could do. It happens every year you just have to hurry past it.
[00:02:25] We weren't even supposed to have a puppy. It was just a puppy the Murdoch girl found under the Gritzdede's truck one day and she was afraid the truck would run over it when the driver had finished making his delivery so she snuck it into her napstack and brought it with her to school.
[00:02:41] So we had this puppy. As soon as I saw the puppy I thought, oh Christ, I bet it will live up for about two weeks and then that's what it did.
[00:02:51] It wasn't supposed to be in the classroom at all. There's some kind of regulation about it but you can't tell them they can't have a puppy when the puppy is already there running front of them, running around the floor and yapping, yapping, yapping. They named it Edgar that is they named it after me.
[00:03:06] They had a lot of fun running after it and yelling, here Edgar nice Edgar. Then they laugh like hell. They enjoy the ambiguity I enjoyed it myself. I don't mind being kidded.
[00:03:19] They made a little house for it in the supply closet and all that. I don't know what it died of, just temper I guess. It probably hadn't had any shots.
[00:03:30] I got it out of there before the kids got to school. I checked at supply closet each morning routinely because I knew what was going to happen. I gave it to the custodian.
[00:03:40] And then there was this Korean orphan that the class adopted through the Health The Children program. All the kids brought in a quarter a month, that was the idea.
[00:03:49] It was an unfortunate thing. The kid's name was Kim and maybe we adopted him too late or something. The cause of death was not stated in the letter. They suggested we adopt another child instead and sent us some interesting case histories but we didn't have the heart.
[00:04:05] The class took it pretty hard. They began, I think nobody ever said anything to me directly, to feel that maybe there was something wrong with the school.
[00:04:15] But I don't think there's anything wrong with the school, particularly I've seen better and I've seen worse. It was just a run of bad luck.
[00:04:23] We had an extraordinary number of parents passing away, for instance. There were I think two heart attacks and two suicides, one drowning and four killed together in a car accident, one stroke.
[00:04:36] And we had the usual heavy mortality rate among the grandparents, maybe with heavier this year, it seems so. And finally, the tragedy.
[00:04:46] The tragedy occurred when Matthew Wine and Tony Mavagordo were playing over where they're excavating for the new federal office building.
[00:04:55] There were all these big wooden beams stacked, you know, at the edge of the excavation.
[00:05:00] There's a court case coming out of that and parents are claiming that the beams were poorly stacked. I don't know what's true and what's not. It's been a strange year.
[00:05:11] Oh, I forgot to mention Billy Brands' father who was nifed fatally when he grabbed with a mask and treat her in his home.
[00:05:18] One day we had a discussion in class. They asked me, where did they go? The trees, the salamander, the tropical fish, Edgar, the poppies and mamas, Matthew and Tony. Where did they go?
[00:05:31] And I said, I don't know. I don't know. And they said, who knows? And I said nobody knows. And they said, is death that which gives meaning to life?
[00:05:44] And I said no, life is that which gives meaning to life. Then they said, but isn't death considered as a fundamental datum the means by which the taken for granted mundanity of the everyday may be transcended in the direction of...
[00:05:56] They said, yes, maybe. They said...
[00:05:59] We don't like it! I said that sound. They said...
[00:06:05] It's a bloody shame! I said it is. They said...
[00:06:10] Will you make love now with Helen? Our teaching assistant so that we can see how it's done. We know you like Helen.
[00:06:17] I do like Helen, but I said that I would not.
[00:06:20] We've heard so much about it. They said. But we've never seen it.
[00:06:24] I said I would be fired and that it was never, or almost never, done as a demonstration. Helen looked out the window.
[00:06:33] They said, please, please make love with Helen! We require an assertion of value! We're frightened!
[00:06:41] I said they shouldn't be frightened, although I am often frightened. And that there was value everywhere. Helen came and embraced me.
[00:06:49] I kissed her a few times in the brow. We held each other. The children were excited. And then there was a knock on the door.
[00:06:57] I opened the door. And the new gerbil walked in. The children cheered wildly.
[00:07:05] This has been a reading of The School by Donald Bart Simpson.
[00:07:35] Hello everybody. This is Anime Sikko's The Podcast for Geniuses and the only podcast.
[00:07:44] If we take a look at the four pillars of Modern Misery, Anime Gaming, Posting and Shops, I am Tom, an Anime Sikko.
[00:07:49] I am Joe, an Anime Sikko. Tom is back on the reading train. He understands that having fun isn't hard when you have your library card.
[00:07:59] He is dragged me back into the light a little bit.
[00:08:03] What a story! What is his last name really?
[00:08:08] It's Bart Simpson. When the fucking Korean orphan comes in, it's just like no!
[00:08:19] It's so hard not to laugh on the fucking track.
[00:08:23] It's just like, hey, this is going to escalate in the way you think it's going to but like nonetheless there's a little bit of prestige with it.
[00:08:33] You're still wowed by it because it's just fun. Also I cannot stress enough that shit is like four pages.
[00:08:40] Short fiction doesn't have to be like short, short, short. But there is no fat in that. It's beautiful.
[00:08:47] I love, see here's what I don't think I would have been smart enough to do.
[00:08:51] Is the like oh shit, I almost forgot Billy Brandt's father was nifed to death by an intruder.
[00:08:57] And that one is like so clearly out of order because like that's supposed to be a little later when he's heavier and he's like oh fuck the fatal knife thing shit.
[00:09:06] Yeah that happened.
[00:09:08] Oh Jesus Christ.
[00:09:12] Yeah I've been on the reading train. So here's the thing about reading a book is that it's so good.
[00:09:18] Okay, so this happens forever. There are waves of this.
[00:09:23] If you have been on Blue Sky or fucking Twitter if you follow the McHenrys and McHenry and Jason people,
[00:09:31] you know that people are I think de facto is doing this now like de facto just started their series.
[00:09:39] They're actually reading classics or books, not just classics specifically Moby Dick.
[00:09:45] I am a genius and I read Moby Dick before all of this all these recent waves.
[00:09:52] However that doesn't it's still a very old book. Evan Dumb our homey and previous guesto did a
[00:10:00] illustrated edition of Moby Dick years ago. So he's really the smartest guy in the universe.
[00:10:07] So here's the thing about Moby Dick is that like I think it's pretty close to the best book ever written and if the industrial revolution never happened,
[00:10:19] which would have made the world better in so many ways.
[00:10:23] More people would have had scurvy probably in total.
[00:10:27] Because of our life of the sale forever.
[00:10:30] Win some loose some but if the industrial revolution had ever happened, which as far as melphal was could have predicted at that point,
[00:10:39] probably you know probably wouldn't ever happen.
[00:10:42] If the industrial revolution never happened then this truly would be like the best book ever.
[00:10:48] Brooks no discussion.
[00:10:51] Yeah because all the your inputs for everything industrial come from these come from these scary and unknowable huge creatures with eyes that show intelligence.
[00:11:02] That that yes but what I'm specifically talking about is like when I say industrial revolution,
[00:11:08] like what does that mean for whales? I'll get into all this is like well if you need to kill a whale,
[00:11:14] you get in your big metal boat that you got from the metal that you manufactured and the whale can't sink the metal boat.
[00:11:22] And then you shoot a harpoon that has an explosive on it that kills the whale instantly.
[00:11:27] But if you're rocking wooden boats, it's like a quick time event every time.
[00:11:33] So if I were to give the quick summary of what Moby Dick is because everyone knows the plot,
[00:11:40] which is the Pee Quad with Captain A-hab wants to kill the white whale Moby Dick and then Moby Dick sinks the Pee Quad and they don't kill him.
[00:11:46] Moby Dick is a little fanatical in his goals. He's got shmovement.
[00:11:53] He puts he does a command grab to the Pee Quad and it's there's just nothing left.
[00:12:00] It's one of those flawless victories. He didn't even take any damage. Anyway, the point is that's not what it's about.
[00:12:08] Like the fact that it's about that like these are the events that occur that doesn't matter.
[00:12:13] What it's about is that at that time before we had metal boats and guns that shot the harpoons,
[00:12:20] it was like a guy in a little boat who was very wedged.
[00:12:24] And stressed through the harpoons dude.
[00:12:27] Oh my god he threw the harpoon and the way that there was light was whale oil.
[00:12:34] So like there needs to be guys out there doing this.
[00:12:38] So what it's about is that this activity which is insane and kills you.
[00:12:45] Like it kills you.
[00:12:47] It has so many chances to kill you and it's so hard and it will kill a lot of the people you're with.
[00:12:53] Who are people that you're seeing more than you're going to see any other kind of person.
[00:12:58] You know, you're going to be off. If you're a whaler, you're going to be on land so infrequently.
[00:13:02] You're spooning strangers for like a year straight.
[00:13:05] Yeah and like the time you're on land, you may as well be on a fucking foreign planet.
[00:13:10] You're on an alien world and you're just like wow this is weird anyway back to the sea.
[00:13:15] So you're doing this activity that kills you and the reason that you're doing it is to kill Kathoola basically.
[00:13:23] So a lot of people talk about HP Lovecraft's eldritch horror type of thing.
[00:13:28] It's like it's a very interesting in concept what his actual stories aren't so good because he wasn't a great writer.
[00:13:33] It was also the most racist manifold.
[00:13:35] Also like his whole pitch is like I can't describe how fuck this is anyway end of story.
[00:13:40] Yeah and here's the thing that concept that so intriguing on paper such that it's made HP Lovecraft live on through all these years despite not being a great writer.
[00:13:53] Well Moby Dick did it correctly because wait I don't know if you know this whales are real dude.
[00:14:01] But especially at that time when you would only see them for a little bit in a boat and you would have to kill them in that short window.
[00:14:12] Yeah, and then like the only time you would see more than like a flash of them more than like a little bit of them they're already dead
[00:14:19] and they're like hoisted out of the water and like they're already misshapen.
[00:14:23] Like this is not what they truly are.
[00:14:25] Like these are truly unknowable beasts.
[00:14:29] Like you can't like how are you gonna see one?
[00:14:32] They're in the fucking water, you can't see it.
[00:14:34] And critically the sperm whales that they're hunting in the Pee Quad.
[00:14:39] These are like the whales that are fucking torqued up and jacked and can and will easily.
[00:14:47] Just like if they decide your boat is gonna sink now it will.
[00:14:52] Their head is just a massive block.
[00:14:55] Massive black and they're like smart.
[00:14:57] That's the other thing it's like these are essentially gods.
[00:15:00] These are like alien creatures. They are smart, they are stronger than you and they are at home and you are not like you are in it.
[00:15:07] Yeah, you're in their turf.
[00:15:09] On the sea everything is gonna kill you.
[00:15:11] There's a character Pip who falls off the boat at some point.
[00:15:15] And like they eventually pick him up which is a real stroke of luck.
[00:15:19] Because when that kind of thing happens to you you have to assume the boat will not come and pick you up.
[00:15:25] Because like this is in the middle of a whale hunt so we got the mainship and we have the three little boats that are all going as fast as they can.
[00:15:31] You know stuck to the whale.
[00:15:33] They're busy.
[00:15:34] There's a harpoon and you're like if you fall off well the three boats are going like 50 miles per hour and they're they're gone.
[00:15:40] So like how are they going to find your bobbing head in the infinite emptiness again an alien world.
[00:15:47] You're basically well you're looking at like the realm where Cthulhu is and it is so unfathomable to you that you go mad.
[00:15:55] Now when you're making this entirely fantasy saying I can't describe this just you know imagine you're going mad.
[00:16:03] That's a little bit of a cop out.
[00:16:06] But like the sea is fucking real you've seen the sea and because you've seen it you sort of get it.
[00:16:12] Fuck it so I wanted to just jump in and say so I played the first assignment game I haven't played the second one yet.
[00:16:21] The setting I don't care too much I'm indifferent it's like a video game setting but one thing that is absolutely the coolest choice about it is that even though this is clearly like post industrial
[00:16:33] because there's like Tesla coils and shit the games like economy and like machinery all involve harvesting like fucked up whales like they're like monstrosities that are both intelligence and whatever.
[00:16:50] And it's just like a thing in the background that you read about and it's just like this is very cool.
[00:16:54] This is like much more compelling than like blink teleporting behind a guy and saying nothing personnel kid and killing him.
[00:17:02] I like wanted to interact with the whales directly maybe you could have missed it but I doubt it no no no no always in the background.
[00:17:10] I mean it is just background stuff but like they're right to think that this is very interesting and makes it all automatically makes a setting more interesting and including the setting of the real world that people live.
[00:17:23] When in order to get the fuel that makes mundane life go a group of insane men have to again risk almost certain death go into an unfathomable part of the world so foreign to normal humanity that is extremely hostile to your existence.
[00:17:46] And again fight gods that you can only perceive flashes of and who could easily kill you is it's not like a hunt where you're hunting deer where the worst case scenario is I missed the deer.
[00:18:01] The worst case scenario is like a fucking monster from stories is here in real life and now I drowned yeah.
[00:18:14] And what is so compelling about Moby Dick specifically is the narrator ish male and a lot of people will try to play when you people talk about Moby Dick they'll say Melville says this I can't Melville is on one in this chapter.
[00:18:30] I categorically reject the reading that ish male is Herman Melville that it is like that he's just speaking autobiographically you know.
[00:18:43] It is because this is because as a writer you know I'm not as good as Herman Melville let's say it but like this is sort of a thing why I'm so pissed about that meme about like the curtains were fucking blue your English professors are so good.
[00:18:59] Your English professor is going to say all the blue represents the person's sadness and the author is like I wrote that the curtains were blue because they're fucking blue epic.
[00:19:09] I'm not saying that every single detail has like deep meaning that the author really meant but if you've ever written anything that you tried on and if you have any respect for writing you have to understand that it is not crazy to think that these things are done with intent.
[00:19:26] And when a book is as good as Moby Dick is you truly cannot you are doing yourself and the author to service by not realizing that this is done with intent the entire thing about this book so I mean even though I said like the plot you know what happens who cares the fucking Moby Dick sings the ship that's what happens that's the entire plot.
[00:19:44] And I've also said that it's about the strangeness and like alienness of this activity that people had to do it's like almost silly like it sounds made up but like it was real but what the book is really about is isch mail our narrator because he is the weirdest fucking twink who ever lived.
[00:20:07] And he's recounting this story of you know my time on the P Squad years later and the upshot of that is one time I had the most unexplainable experience of my life.
[00:20:21] And I am used the remainder of it to try somehow to explain what this all means and is he successful maybe we don't know like people talk about like
[00:20:36] they like to make this joke Moby Dick isn't it like half whale facts that's ridiculous whale facts chapters but what they don't realize is that the whale facts chapters while they do in fact contain whale facts are not whale facts they are isch mail facts.
[00:20:52] You must understand that this is a fictional character who has been written to be this was what he's operating with in terms of he has decided yes to be like what you need to know is every single thing that I know.
[00:21:05] About all the different body parts of the whale he like I said this is an unknowable being when it's actually alive and moving is always submerged you don't you can't you can't really know what it is or doesn't even though he catalogs every body part there's tons of parts of it where they're just like we have no fucking clue what this is.
[00:21:27] Like they just don't know and this is the these are the guys who know the most about whales of anyone he's roll it back a bit the first 200 pages are a fucking bedroom farce full of huge broad gags about isch mail and his Polynesian husband quik quagg
[00:21:46] fucking around in New England building in keepers out of a second free bowl of chowder using little pranks.
[00:21:56] He's on this boat doing this thing he's I need to read why he I need I'm gonna fucking read you text about why he gets on the boat because it's just gorgeous I could read so many excerpts from fucking this whole episode could be excerpts from the real beginning of the book is that isch mail again this is not
[00:22:15] people say I can't believe Melville did this no isch mail did this isch mail starts the book by citing every single instance that a whale is mentioned in all of literature from the Bible to now it's like 30 pages it is so fucking funny anyway.
[00:22:34] So he like he has autism. Oh yeah yes yes a thousand percent and this is like again I'll read why he gets on the boat he gets on the boat with his fucking husband there in love I don't think it's not a crazy reading it's not like oh I'm reclaiming mobility with a queer reading like no they're gaining it up like they are they're like they are it's and it's like when there's two skeletons discovered like embracing and then they're like I got to these for these ladies were friends.
[00:23:04] Yeah and that you must understand that in their culture sometimes you hug your friends 69 and die. So he goes on this ship with this his buddy he had to go on the ship because this is the only way he gets anything out of his life which I'll read in a second
[00:23:21] he bonds with these people he meets captain they have this strange compelling figure who has this sort of otherworldly aura about him who seems to be on like a mission of destiny and as he's on it he's trying to figure out like what are what are what are these things that were you know going up against like what does it mean to be a human being.
[00:23:43] To be a small little fucking monkey who understands what infinity and eternity is on a little boat always seconds away from death fighting against these beasts that are stronger than us may be smarter than us how would we ever know
[00:24:02] how would we ever learn what are they doing what is their purpose will never know and they can kill us in the time and then
[00:24:10] so boiler he's the sole survivor of the fucking peak what peak what literally everyone dies except for him so this book he's retelling of my time on the peak what the whale facts are just him trying to be like maybe if I'm autistic enough maybe if I fucking learn everything there is to know about whales
[00:24:30] I'll finally understand my trauma I'll finally figure out what happened to me and what happened to everyone what did it mean what was it all for that's what the fucking book is about that's why there's whale facts here's the first paragraph you will recognize the first sentence call me isch mail some years ago never mind how long precisely having little or no money in my purse and nothing
[00:24:52] particular to interest me on shore I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world it is a way I have of driving off the spleen and regulating the circulation whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth whenever
[00:25:06] it is a damp drizzly November in my soul that is a killer line an November in my soul Jesus Christ how do you not love this book whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before cough and warehouses and bringing up the rear of every funeral
[00:25:21] I meet and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street and methodically knocking people's hats off then I account at high time to get to see as soon as I can this is my substitute for pistol and ball with the philosophical flourish
[00:25:40] and I can't help throws himself upon his sword I quietly take to the ship there is nothing surprising in this if they but knew it almost all men in their degree sometime or the other cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean as me
[00:25:54] he wants to he this is what he does instead of taking the pills that you take yeah he needs them but because of the time he was probably instructed to drink whale oil
[00:26:04] yeah he goes on the fucking boat there's a great and okay here's the thing about moby Dick that everyone fucking says they say I can't believe how fun and funny it is I never would I never would have expected it would be this fun and fun why isn't it homework someone saying I was told it was homework
[00:26:26] I was told that this dense whale book was a chore for people who love doing chores like what I'm about to say is going to sound like I'm being like smug but like I was one of them too
[00:26:37] I I was surprised also I did not expect it to be this fun and funny the question that I have for both me and everyone who says this is why the fuck didn't we expect that
[00:26:47] who put this homework who made me think this was fucking homework it's not let me read you a very funny line this is just after the first time
[00:26:56] isch mail has been on one of the boats that tries to harpoon and lance the whale so like he gets off the ship
[00:27:03] and on like a little last robot that is stuck to the whale with a harpoon and then there's a fucking big rope
[00:27:10] that goes from the harpoon to the boat that's dragging the boat and credible speeds and you have to not fucking fall off and die
[00:27:17] and his captain like the first mate who is in charge of his little ship is starbuck
[00:27:23] that's where the coffee gets the name from whose main thing is like he is the one who is sensible
[00:27:29] who is careful who doesn't take unnecessary risks and is very Christian and moral and upstanding
[00:27:36] he's not goofy like the rest of the people on the ship he don't he's just doing it by the book
[00:27:41] and they like run after the whale into the fog losing sight of everyone and like a bunch of nonsense goes wrong
[00:27:49] and it seems as though incredible amounts of risks are taken
[00:27:53] and isch mail falls off and nearly dies but he is rescued and as he's dripping on the boat
[00:27:59] he's not telling me that starbuck was the sensible one they're like oh yeah he's so sensible
[00:28:04] he's like a lot of a lot of harpooners would call him a coward
[00:28:08] and this is the line there are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair
[00:28:14] we call life when a man takes this whole universe for a vast practical joke
[00:28:18] though the wit thereof he but dimly discerns and more than suspects that the joke is that nobody's expense but his own
[00:28:25] he's just like this is already a longer way to say are you joking me fuck
[00:28:32] and okay I gotta also read this is the last fucking text I'm gonna read but this is one of the best passages of any goddamn book
[00:28:45] so a lot of throughout you know we have the whale facts chapters where he discusses different sort of tasks that you do
[00:28:53] when you are in the business of wailing and one of them is you get the sperm out of the sperm whales had
[00:28:59] that makes you live forever I saw a movie about it yeah and it is it's called sperm
[00:29:05] because it looks like fucking come that's the reason you get a bunch of come out of the whales head
[00:29:11] and in the process of treating it so that it can be stored and saved until you can sell it on land
[00:29:18] you have to do this stuff to own what you have to prevent is it clumping up because it will try to make little clumps
[00:29:23] but you don't want it to be clumpy so one of the jobs that you have to do is a bunch of guys have to stand around
[00:29:29] and dip their hands in the calm find clumps and if you find a clump you squeeze it and break it up
[00:29:35] quote squeeze squeeze squeeze all the morning long I squeezed that sperm to lie myself almost melted into it
[00:29:44] I squeezed that sperm to a strange sort of insanity came over me and I found myself unwittingly squeezing my
[00:29:52] co-laborers hands in it mistaking their hands for the gentle globules such an abounding affectionate friendly
[00:29:59] loving feeling did this avocation but get that at last I was continually squeezing their hands
[00:30:05] and looking up into their eyes sentimentally as much as to say oh my dear fellow beings
[00:30:10] why should we long your cherished any social asserbodies or know the slightest ill humor or envy come let us squeeze hands all around
[00:30:19] nay let us all squeeze ourselves into each other let us squeeze ourselves universally into the very milk and sperm of kindness
[00:30:28] what did I could keep squeezing that sperm forever for now since by many prolonged repeated experiences
[00:30:36] I have perceived that in all cases man must eventually lower or at least shift his conceit of attainable
[00:30:43] felicity not placing it anywhere in the intellect or the fancy but in the wife the heart the bed the table the saddle
[00:30:50] the fireside the country now that I have perceived all this I am ready to squeeze case eternally cases another word for this stuff
[00:31:00] in thoughts of the visions of the night I saw long rows of angels and paradise each with his hands in a jar of spermacety
[00:31:10] dude hands and jars hands stuck in the eye look at heaven I see that all it's got their hands stuck in the passage
[00:31:18] is we're out here grabbing the slime feeling feelings like there's another I'm not going to fucking look this up
[00:31:27] they've read too much there's a great line where he talks about you know one of the tasks is you're on top of the
[00:31:32] masts looking for whales so there's always like three guys on the top looking everywhere trying to see a whale
[00:31:39] and he talks about like you really got to make sure you don't fall asleep because you'll fucking die if you fall asleep
[00:31:44] and near the end and he's going on and not I mean he talks like this the entire time like it's gorgeous this
[00:31:50] prose that he's writing that's another thing to know about isch males like this is a genius like this is what like his writing
[00:31:57] is beautiful and that's another thing that I think you need to take into account it's not fucking herman
[00:32:02] well for the character it means something that the characters like this and it's even fucking common to do on because he says at
[00:32:08] the end of this chapter about being on the mast head but like when he's up there he has such thoughts and he's
[00:32:15] constantly thinking about like the poetic nature of what's happening and what does this all mean and like what is this vast
[00:32:21] beauty that I'm looking at and as he's saying that he's like another thing to note is that my comrades always make fun
[00:32:28] of me that we never fucking see a whale when I'm up there and the reason is because I'm fucking thinking about all this shit
[00:32:35] if any whaling captains are reading this please don't hire guys like me we're philosophers
[00:32:41] when I don't do a good job you put me up there I just start thinking it's so fucking funny I love this
[00:32:48] bug and boom I'm not even going to get into a habit and if a habit is rarely in it for like the first two
[00:32:54] thirds he doesn't show up until like 200ish pages in like they leave port and are like on the voyage
[00:33:02] but for a while before a habit comes out of his cabin to like speak and this is like the signature character captain
[00:33:08] may have he's iconic and fucking yes I mean like correctly he has like one chapter where he explains like what this all
[00:33:15] fucking is and then he's gone for a long time and then he shows up at the end but like Jesus I don't even I've
[00:33:23] totally lost the shape of what I'm just going to talk about this part what fucking why a
[00:33:28] habit so compelling why does he want to kill the white whale so much so he doesn't actually want this
[00:33:34] is another fucking thing about like why isch mail obsessed with this all this life because like what is it all
[00:33:39] mean this is more than just a way to well killed a hebs master right no way of moby dick bit his leg off
[00:33:46] but that is not why see this is why again this is why like this book this book is fucking 600 pages
[00:33:53] long as all these digressions but I think it is as free of fat as the school is this is just how many
[00:34:01] he takes to fucking say all this it he both hates moby dick the what the animal but it's also not that
[00:34:08] because I'm going to fucking read it I know I said I wasn't going to read another one but god damn it I
[00:34:17] gotta he tasks me he heaps me I see in him him moby dick outrageous strength with an
[00:34:24] inscrutable malice sin you ing it that inscrutable thing is chiefly what I hate and be the white whale
[00:34:31] agent or be the white whale principle I will wreak that hate upon him talk not to me of blast
[00:34:37] for me man I'd strike the sun if it insulted me so what moby dick is to him is just like you know how
[00:34:44] the world sucks you know how constantly again we're just little apes who learned about infinity
[00:34:51] what if we write it the cosmic scale by killing yes again see God is moby dick a god who symbolizes and
[00:35:02] is the agent on earth of the malign hateful intelligence that causes people to get depressed and sad
[00:35:10] probably not but maybe he is and if he's not I don't fucking care I gotta do something
[00:35:18] that's like that's what this all is like moby yeah it's so much because don't you ever feel that way
[00:35:25] don't you feel haven't we talked about this an anime sickos endlessly that there are just these
[00:35:31] this measma of hatred in the world this deep evil on machine that you may you may well say
[00:35:38] we'll get blood don't you feel like it would be so satisfying to just be able to take action against
[00:35:46] don't you think it would don't you think it would make you feel good if you could kill it back wouldn't
[00:35:53] wouldn't be great if your problems were
[00:35:55] spirable it would be great but they aren't
[00:35:58] spirable moby dick fucking killed them all easily and so ismail is left knowing and like ismail talks about
[00:36:07] like captain a habs insane but I'm on like a boat with him I'm sort of like into it like I believe it's
[00:36:15] even if he isn't any is like never been on a sailing vessel but the guy in charge is insane you're
[00:36:22] stuck dude like why are you gonna be like starting shit now you already left yeah I mean that's
[00:36:28] out of a big that's one of Starbucks big concerns is that like he at one point he considers like maybe
[00:36:35] I fucking kill the captain but he doesn't do it much to his regret later when he and everyone
[00:36:42] is fucking killed by moby dick anyway the thing that is so okay ismail like gets wrapped up in it you
[00:36:49] know for reasons like you don't have a choice but also like a habs is very compelling he speaks
[00:36:55] in a very unusual way and like he has a power to him that is like a magnetic it just is that's why
[00:37:02] he's a station during characters by being in this book for a pretty low percentage of the pages
[00:37:08] so like he's ismail to was feeling this feeling and again it all came to nothing was a ridiculous
[00:37:14] folly does this mean that humans are our powerless modes of dust against a hateful universe or
[00:37:22] that's the other thing all this metaphorical shit gets talked about but there are also chapters
[00:37:28] that have no purpose other than for ismail to be like we've been really poetic lately but I got it
[00:37:35] fucking emphasize that moby dick is just a fucking animal like moby dick's not magic
[00:37:40] like this is a fucking whale it's not a nn beast it's not a nn beast but it is it's both
[00:37:46] it's what's so fucking like you that's why it's so interesting is so good and there's also jokes
[00:37:52] about sperm and at one point um they cut the whales dick off and they make a coat out of it
[00:37:59] it's very funny chapter when they do that wait I don't know they get moby dick's dick no I know I was I mean through
[00:38:07] because you know they're always searching for moby dick but when you see a sperm whale on the way
[00:38:12] you do have to kill it because that is a lot of yeah I was just kind of open like they all die
[00:38:19] but also cut off his dick no they don't cut his dick off that'd be good last stand
[00:38:26] there's one bit where ismail just goes off about how modern scientists and scientific illustrators
[00:38:35] are so bad at knowing about whales these egg heads back at hq think they know about whales
[00:38:40] if you want about whales you ask the salty dogs on the boat dumbass and he like look at this picture
[00:38:46] of a whale it's so wrong this is the wrong size there's one part where he's like some
[00:38:52] of these egg heads like to say that whales are mammals because they make milk and breathe
[00:38:57] with lungs instead of gills I guess that's accurate but these fuckers are in the water idiot
[00:39:04] they're I'm gonna call them fish if you go to man-tucket you go to the chowder house and you say
[00:39:09] hey what's that thing you spear everyone there's gonna say a big fish called whale I'm gonna trust
[00:39:15] them not you egghead and I'm just like yeah whale is a fish and then the whale shark now
[00:39:20] you're cooking whale shark so fucking I could I could go on and on about this book and I already
[00:39:25] have all which is to say but the point is where how come this why did this got to be homework
[00:39:33] why is everyone's assumption about moby-dick it's like yeah as you said like this is a chore
[00:39:37] book for homework where did this come from people's first take away from moby like they know nothing
[00:39:43] about it it sits in their mind is oh that's that old big book I'm not kidding there's it is
[00:39:50] not more complicated than that for like the initial perception in general it's a classic which
[00:39:57] we are told and sort of like not told but like we pick up on the fact like how do I put this
[00:40:04] how I was taught to read classics was very much this is homework like it and like they could
[00:40:10] really beat it out of you I yeah I was a big reader as a kid until about like I think
[00:40:17] seventh or eighth grade and I think one of the major changes at least I was going with my
[00:40:24] like literature or reading education was like it was big on like independent reading like
[00:40:29] you had to read a certain amount of books during you know a year or quarter or whatever so that's
[00:40:34] like much more like self-driven and you go from that to like all right I'm going to tell
[00:40:40] you what happens in of my sin men and it just like really makes you not care because you don't
[00:40:50] have any input on what you're reading you and that just you was speaking personally I associated
[00:40:55] that with like anything I would get assigned at school and it wasn't correct obviously but
[00:41:02] that's just how it is and when I tutored I tutored junior high in high school students they were
[00:41:07] kind of like we're close to where you grew up and like it was it was a similar thing again
[00:41:12] and again which is like my son like read all the time until like seventh grade eighth grade
[00:41:18] and then they just like didn't care and like part of it is just like okay but like it might be
[00:41:25] like noticing things that didn't notice before so there's that element but in general I just think
[00:41:32] like it if you really like reading and then you have to sit down and read in a very specific way as
[00:41:38] set by like this is how you read an important story if you don't generalize that you're just going
[00:41:44] to like detach is there a way to fucking teach like to to the sign text in school because I I
[00:41:51] wouldn't think that like the right move is like well let's just not have anyone read fiction
[00:41:56] in school like well that's it's that's also it's also wrong and why there's always you know this
[00:42:02] there's some version of the discourse doesn't really happen anymore because Twitter is like so shitty
[00:42:06] but for a while there was like every month there was the discussion of like children should
[00:42:13] be reading a young adult fiction in schools like exclusively what are these other books going to
[00:42:19] tell them and it's just like is this so is this such a stupid framing I feel like it's
[00:42:26] it's so frustrating was like I'm feel pissed off that took me this long to read Moby Dick
[00:42:31] I would have loved Moby Dick when I was 15 as much as I love it I would have read it multiple times
[00:42:36] by now if I had that head start Jesus Christ it's so goddamn good there was I was about
[00:42:43] to mention another part but totally slip my mind just I will say there was a classic I read in
[00:42:49] college that I was like okay I'm gonna take I'm gonna dive into this because I know it's a
[00:42:54] classic it's good and my takeaway was it's fine and that was catch 22 and the reason
[00:43:02] I felt it was just fine is that I'm sure you're kind of aware of the book in general which is
[00:43:08] just that you have a read it okay so like it's stupid like it's like they've
[00:43:13] pointlessly doing war with stupid names and stuff so here's my issue is it just wasn't
[00:43:18] dumb enough like it just wasn't like I there has been goof inflation since it has been
[00:43:25] written and I have higher standards now the other thing about it that I don't
[00:43:30] didn't hurt me but it's something I couldn't shake is yes I'm not saying it wasn't funny
[00:43:34] but there are times when things are funny and you can tell the person also thinks they are clever
[00:43:39] and I got that feeling the whole time and for some reason that aggravates me yeah I don't know
[00:43:45] what like if you did the George Saunders approach to like fucking catch 22 would be like
[00:43:52] my commute toward this morning sucks ass my bus got shelled one stop before my own I rolled
[00:44:00] into a big pit and then the enemy general did an announcement that said anybody who kills
[00:44:05] me gets a bunch of coins like that's the that's the George Saunders approach does not sound
[00:44:13] like aren't I being clever it's like no I weaponized do like I've solved for it
[00:44:18] it's a little bit of self-consciousness I kind of feel like it is a flavor of defensiveness
[00:44:23] yes yeah you're like not putting your joke out there all the way yeah you you
[00:44:29] how you feel like you have to put a layer of like good joke huh so that like it's okay
[00:44:36] that I put a joke here because it's a good joke right you can't do that does not
[00:44:41] fucking happen in Moby Dick when it silly it just is like that part about like
[00:44:47] eggheads back at HQ call this fucking thing a mammal that's like a line how do I
[00:44:52] see to swim that is a line of time yeah time traveler gave him that one so good
[00:45:00] it's so good there's also a part where they're talking about the the three mates who
[00:45:05] are they always have dinner with captain they have because they're the three most
[00:45:10] senior officers in the ship and the third mate flask is like a little man let
[00:45:18] who is kind of like stupid and cowardly he's very much the least of them both
[00:45:23] in as a person and like in terms of character and there's a fucking incredible
[00:45:28] line where it talks about how since he is the lowest ranked of the three
[00:45:34] mates he always gets his food last on the captain's table so even though he's
[00:45:39] at the captain's table which gets the best food he gets a worse dinner than the
[00:45:43] common people because he gets the scrap is a dog basically and he yes
[00:45:47] and he never gets he never gets any butter and in the middle of a sentence
[00:45:52] there is a fucking little insert it is surrounded by M dashes that said flask
[00:45:58] alas was a butterless man flask alas was a butterless man is like one of the
[00:46:06] phrases of all time I think there's few books actually there's one book more
[00:46:12] than I'm going to talk about the second few books that are worse served by being
[00:46:16] known as a classic by a dead white man than moby dick because like you say
[00:46:22] it smacks of homework it's big old book from school it is a book that you have
[00:46:28] to do homework about because if you're reading a book for school you have to do
[00:46:31] homework about it and the homework sucks I don't want to do it homework's boring
[00:46:35] so the book is boring and all boring books are classics and so all classics are
[00:46:40] homework yeah we all know this fucking like no this is like this is just a guy
[00:46:48] like you have to understand like he's an old white man yes but like Herman Melville
[00:46:54] a freak for real like he's he's crazy this is like a weird man who just went
[00:47:02] nutty like that's what this book is no one talks about how he went nutty okay
[00:47:07] like he did it was nutty as hell I love it and so the book that I just
[00:47:15] obliquely mentioned that I also recently read that is even more fucking
[00:47:21] underserved by being known as a big old classic I read fucking Don Quixote
[00:47:27] moby dick is funny but it's like got its humor like all good like serious
[00:47:33] books like I feel like if anything has to be like deep and meaningful it needs to
[00:47:38] be funny all the time also because to try to portray the universe and the world
[00:47:43] without humor is a false depiction because shit's funny it just is so it's got
[00:47:52] funniness in it Don Quixote is like just hilarious they puke in each other's mouth
[00:47:58] right like they they share this fucking yes yes at one piece like
[00:48:03] sancho look in my mouth is my tooth broken and he pukes in his face as a
[00:48:08] sancho pukes back and they get into like a puke resonance cascade it's hilarious
[00:48:13] because Don Quixote is like I have a magical potion that can heal any wound
[00:48:16] let's drink it and sancho is like I can't wait to drink this potion it's gonna be so
[00:48:20] fucking nice to be really smart and like show that one panel from Chainsaw
[00:48:24] man and be like this is a Don Quixote reference when she pukes in him it's
[00:48:29] actually literary if you know this about Don Quixote all it is and this is not
[00:48:38] a stretch I'm like replacing one word here a guy read too much manga
[00:48:46] and now he thinks Goku's are real so he's gonna be a Goku that's the story like
[00:48:55] there's no other stuff replace manga and Goku's with shivu Rick romance
[00:49:04] she's hooked on night and night yes yes like it is exactly the same as like what if
[00:49:11] someone thought Naruto was a real guy and I want to be Naruto so he got on a ninja
[00:49:17] suit and was Naruto running around the fucking all around the way that's it like
[00:49:23] the entire like what is the plot of the book it's dude it's this week on Don Quixote
[00:49:27] it's just like this week on Don Quixote he gets into some fucking nonsense
[00:49:32] and guys throw rocks at him and like at the beginning you can tell that this
[00:49:37] is a servant cases trying to sort of slam shivu Rick romances he's like these
[00:49:44] books are so god damn stupid they're so silly and unrealistic this is the kind of
[00:49:50] thing that would happen if you actually tried to do that but then something happens
[00:49:54] that I do not think he expected and the way I put it to you was like Joe imagine
[00:49:59] if you were walking down the street in little shittily and you saw a man with
[00:50:03] spiky hair and an orange key and you went up to him what is this guy doing this I
[00:50:09] never think he Goku and because he think he go who he's always trying to get into
[00:50:14] fights and because he's always you know bringing like hey can we do some
[00:50:19] violence he's always getting into fights and because he's an old old man he's
[00:50:23] like 70 and is not strong he gets into the violence and is instantly gets his
[00:50:28] ass plastered and if you ask him like sir are you okay he's like yeah I totally
[00:50:33] could have had that but he was just moving too fast for the I to see would
[00:50:38] you not be like oh I love this man he's like the most noble man I've ever
[00:50:45] he's a fuck up that communicates flawlessly throughout time like I mean you know
[00:50:50] this person like you like you should see the other guy after he gets his
[00:50:56] ass kicked is basically his line yes yes oh my god there's one bit like so he his
[00:51:02] tanky hotel's night name is the night of the sorry face that Sancho gives him
[00:51:06] because he has a really funny expression he has like resting miss you misery
[00:51:11] face and he eventually gets a new title called the night of lions and the way
[00:51:16] that happens is this week on Don Quixote they're walking around and they see some
[00:51:20] buddy with a lion in a cage on a cart and they're like hey what are you doing
[00:51:24] buddy's like I'm taking this to the fucking king to be in his in his big zoo
[00:51:29] and he's like let me fucking fight that lion and he's like no I'm like no you're
[00:51:34] definitely let me fight that lion and you like hold this sword up to this guy like
[00:51:38] I'm going to you need to let me fight that line or I kill you and he's just like yo is
[00:51:42] everyone here agree that I'm not in trouble if I let the lion out he threatened me
[00:51:48] I'm not don't hold irresponsible and everyone agrees and like writes it down
[00:51:53] and so the guy opens the lion cage and like runs away and hides and Don Quixote
[00:51:58] standing there with his sword the lion gets out blinks sleepily once yons gets
[00:52:04] back in the cage and goes to sleep again and Don Quixote is like the motherfucker is
[00:52:08] afraid of me I beat the lion everyone knows I beat the lion just like on the night
[00:52:12] of lions now it's like that and oh another one is like every time every
[00:52:17] time something like doesn't happen exactly how he thinks it should because it's
[00:52:21] like I am the greatest night and I am magical and I'm the great hero so I'm always
[00:52:26] going to succeed but when he doesn't succeed which is always he's like what must
[00:52:30] have happened is a wizard inshanted me so that this thing looks different
[00:52:36] I just looked like I got my ass kicked what whoops
[00:52:41] and at one point so his like he decides like all nights have to have a lady
[00:52:47] love who they do all their adventures for like this is for my great lady so
[00:52:52] he invents a lady dulcenea who is based on someone from like a fucking town a
[00:52:57] town over from him that he knows about but has never met or even seen but everything
[00:53:01] so dulcenea is the most beautiful lady in the world and sancho his his fucking guy
[00:53:05] and that's the other thing don Quixote and sancho are that we owe so much to
[00:53:10] don Quixote you figured out two guys standing next to each other it's
[00:53:14] incredible like it though it's exactly 21 and 24 it's you know what it is
[00:53:19] it's like how like when merchants came up with double entry bookkeeping
[00:53:25] and it like changed the world this is the literary equivalent of that which
[00:53:30] is just like two dudes hanging out to do it's talking one of them's tall and thin
[00:53:35] and one of them's short and fat bowl stupid one they're both stupid in different
[00:53:40] ways oh my god and okay here's the thing that so this couple things I got
[00:53:45] to talk about that are like astonishing how modern they are for being in a
[00:53:50] book from like legit over 400 years ago one is there as a part where
[00:53:56] and like this is a running theme that even if it's not about night air entry
[00:54:00] they run into people who are delusional because they've read about things
[00:54:05] in books and thinks the books are real so there is like a big funeral for this
[00:54:10] poet who is a poet shepherd you know he decided to become a shepherd
[00:54:15] because it was very poetic and he's killed himself because of a evil woman
[00:54:20] who's spurned his love how dare she so cruel she's this beautiful
[00:54:26] shepherdess and everyone talks about this guy his life they read some of his
[00:54:30] poems about how this cruel woman spurned him and he had no choice
[00:54:34] and everyone's like damn this guy is down the dope as hell don't get hold
[00:54:37] it's like I love this guy this guy's just up my alley I love to go to his funeral
[00:54:41] and while they're at their funeral and everyone's like this guy's the greatest
[00:54:45] poet I can't believe that bitch how dare she do it the woman the lady who he was in
[00:54:51] love it comes up and it's like alright you motherfuckers you got to stop I am
[00:54:57] I am I beautiful yes I am I didn't fucking choose that I didn't decide to wield
[00:55:02] it against you I was so sick of motherfuckers trying to woo me that I became a
[00:55:07] shepherd so like you're getting a fucking away from them and what fucking
[00:55:11] businesses of mine if some guy decides oh I'm in love with you I didn't tell
[00:55:16] you to be I was so open about I'm not interested I'm not the cruel one here
[00:55:22] and hilariously everyone's just like you know she made some good points
[00:55:26] and they just are like leave the funeral and no one likes the poet guy anymore
[00:55:31] it's so fucking good and the other thing that I cannot believe
[00:55:36] like it's so fucking funny this this was in 1600
[00:55:40] Don Quixote is not one big book it's two medium sized books the part the
[00:55:46] second part of Don Quixote which is the you know pages 450 to 900 was written
[00:55:52] 15 years after part one they're not part one in part two it's Don Quixote
[00:55:57] one and Don Quixote these are two books that just get printed together
[00:56:00] and again like people were this fucking meta back then in part two
[00:56:07] part one exists and a lot of people and like it is as successful in the
[00:56:13] fictional world Don Quixote lives in as it was in real Spain
[00:56:17] like everyone has read it this is so this next part is proof that
[00:56:23] this is a true writer because between the publishing of the first one you
[00:56:31] told me and then the second Don Quixote the two some other
[00:56:36] Gibroni was just wrote a sequel and said it was like it was his
[00:56:42] and my understanding is he constantly takes time in the second chunk
[00:56:50] to address the other shittier version someone else wrote yes
[00:56:55] yes it's so funny in the posting mentality like it 100% is posting
[00:56:59] mentality surveillance would be the fucking best poster he would be so
[00:57:04] god damn funny dude yeah and the in the introduction to the second part
[00:57:08] he's like you probably are expecting me to have something to say about that
[00:57:12] false volume of Don Quixote written by the Eriganese well I won't say anything
[00:57:17] about it because that's beneath me we know that this is the real one so
[00:57:21] that'll be that meanwhile in the actual text again like every 50 pages
[00:57:27] they'll run into a character who is apparently from the fake version
[00:57:31] and he's like I know Don Quixote and it's like you do it's like oh I sure do
[00:57:37] it's like that doesn't make sense because I'm Don Quixote and he's like well now
[00:57:39] that I look at you clearly you are oh you're much more of Don Quixote than
[00:57:44] that other guy and your must be Sancio I can tell because if how funny you are
[00:57:48] you're much funnier than the guy who I thought Sancio was and Sancio is like indeed
[00:57:52] I am very funny I say so many hilarious things and he's like and duh who
[00:57:56] could deny it in fact get a notary over here and a notary comes over and they're like I'm
[00:58:01] gonna make an affidavit right now that says that this really is Don Quixote and
[00:58:05] Sancio and that there aren't any other ones and there's another one where a
[00:58:08] character is trying to trick Don Quixote and Sancio into thinking some magic
[00:58:13] is real and like I was I was near death and I had a vision of hell but you saved
[00:58:19] me from hell with your with your heroism and they're like oh my god what was
[00:58:22] hell like a hell was awful there were these demons and they were like having a
[00:58:26] snowball fight but instead of snowball because it was hell and so there's a
[00:58:29] campaign no snow they were throwing books at each other and these books when
[00:58:32] they would hit each other exploded into little pieces of paper poof and they
[00:58:36] were destroyed and there's a long sucking extended tangent where like and then
[00:58:43] one of the devils picked up the book of the false Don Quixote by the
[00:58:47] Eriganese and like this is really the worst book I've ever seen the shit we're
[00:58:51] doing of these books is not it's like too good for this book you know what we
[00:58:54] ought to do it's like get some demon fire really burn it and the other thing so
[00:59:00] like a main part of this second part is there's this Duke and Duchess these rich
[00:59:04] fucking people who love Don Quixote won and meet Don Quixote in real life and
[00:59:11] are like oh my god we gotta do fucking pranks on them prank videos for the
[00:59:16] rest of the book and like dude there's like 300 pages it's just like and
[00:59:20] then they pulled another fucking prank on Don Quixote like there's like you
[00:59:25] know how I said that he kept saying everything is enchanted so it looks
[00:59:27] different than what it truly is at one point Sancho had to show Don Quixote
[00:59:32] D'Olesson a because he lied and said oh I gave D'Olesson a your message when
[00:59:36] he didn't because he didn't want to do it because he's lazy so he's like you
[00:59:40] gotta take me to D'Olesson a right now let's go you know the way because you
[00:59:44] told me you've seen her already so he just goes and he finds some random
[00:59:47] ladies like that's he says her and she's like really rude to him and is ugly
[00:59:53] and instead of saying well that clearly wasn't hurt so he says well obviously
[00:59:58] a wizard made her be rude a wizard made her be ugly a wizard made her hate my
[01:00:04] vibes which are good exactly and he tells this to the Duke and Duchess like am I
[01:00:10] lady get cursed to be rude by a wizard I hate that shit and so they put on a
[01:00:14] prank where someone dresses up as a wizard and it's like the only way to
[01:00:18] disenchants D'Olesson a is for your squire Sancho to a fucking spank his
[01:00:26] big ass three thousand times and like they're all like hmm Sancho you better get
[01:00:32] to it Sancho's like I do not wish to slap my big at can it be light and the
[01:00:36] wizard's like no it doesn't hurt so bad the pennies quiz boy
[01:00:41] it's exactly the pennies quiz boy this is like again people think Don Quixote
[01:00:49] is like a difficult serious text like this is like history this is like
[01:00:54] world history and they're like no no dude that's how it wasn't my head like legit
[01:00:58] like I I knew it had like jokes but I assumed that jokes the same way movie
[01:01:03] dick has jokes where it's like peppered throughout not like do these guys
[01:01:09] just puke yeah it is a hundred percent gags it is a fucking hilarious comedy
[01:01:16] book in the year 2024 that this guy wrote in 1600 like I got it oh oh one again
[01:01:23] another move that is so fucking funny is that Sarvantace is like you know
[01:01:29] refers to himself as the in the text but he doesn't say he's the author he
[01:01:36] is just translating the text that some moreish author wrote into Spanish
[01:01:41] dude he's doing house the leaves he's doing council leaves and the way and the
[01:01:46] gags that he gets out of this are at the beginning of part two when they
[01:01:51] they meet the first time Don Quixote and Sancho learned that like there was a
[01:01:54] book written about them and it's a hit some like college student
[01:01:58] university I think they called it at the time is like do you know there's a
[01:02:01] fucking book about you guys and like no no there isn't there no book about us
[01:02:06] and like no there totally is and he's like I actually have a question for you
[01:02:10] Sancho because this is kind of confusing there's one point where your donkey
[01:02:15] gets stolen but it's not explained how and he's like oh I can tell you how it
[01:02:19] got stolen the explains like you know how it's done because in the first part
[01:02:23] he just wakes up one day and his donkey's gone and the guy's like okay that
[01:02:28] makes sense that makes sense but what doesn't make sense is like how did you get
[01:02:32] it back because you were like riding it again a couple of chapters later and he's
[01:02:35] like what do you mean how'd I get it back we got it back from the escaped
[01:02:38] conflict it was with that not in the book and he's like oh no that was in the
[01:02:43] book it's just that you were they said you were riding the donkey before that
[01:02:48] scene and he's like well I don't know what to say about that must have been a bad
[01:02:55] translate there must have been a bad author just like oh oh wow and also in
[01:03:02] the in the first part so I in the first part there are a bunch of
[01:03:06] digressions that are like very long where like the characters find a book in
[01:03:12] the world and like let's read this book and then there's basically a short
[01:03:15] story that is totally unrelated to anything that's going on and there's near
[01:03:20] the end there at this inn and the inn keeps on having people show up who
[01:03:25] are like we are just had the craziest adventure and they tell their story and
[01:03:28] it's 50 pages and like on and on and on and again in that same fucking scene
[01:03:34] where the guy is like this continuity error didn't make a lot of sense in
[01:03:38] Sanchez like who fucking cares like the guy says like yeah also as much as
[01:03:45] people loved your book there were a lot of parts that had nothing to do with
[01:03:48] you people really didn't like those and like there are parts where again like
[01:03:57] we stop the book so that Sarfonte is gonna be like just so you know I have
[01:04:02] like so many other stories that would be really good here they're so funny
[01:04:06] I'm like a genius with these but I can't put them in because I'm sticking it
[01:04:10] down key hotel because that's what you told me to do it's too bad really you'll
[01:04:14] never read my great stories oh well it's like it's the gags are off the chain
[01:04:20] I can't this is not funny for 1600 is this funny today in college taken
[01:04:26] like history of the novel and we didn't read don kio tape but like it entered
[01:04:30] in the conversation because the general consensus at least when I was in
[01:04:35] college is that the first sort of like appearance of what we consider the
[01:04:40] modern novel is don kio tape and I bring this up only because this was taught to
[01:04:47] me in several classes and at no point did anyone bring up the puking I'm not
[01:04:52] kidding when I say I laughed out loud at the puking scene so still to this day
[01:04:56] you know the famous family guy seen real puke and also he's doing like meta
[01:05:01] stuff in addition to like the the house of leaves translator stuff he's he's
[01:05:06] like having people come in and like review what has happened essentially and
[01:05:10] he's like actually and like this is one was this published 1600 for part one
[01:05:17] in 1615 for part two and like the meta stuff is well done it's not clunky no I
[01:05:22] mean like it's because it's just fucking jokes it's just fucking gags dude like
[01:05:27] there's no there's no serious thing for the meta stuff to gum up and make
[01:05:31] confoluted it's just like this week on don kio tape some guy thinks part one
[01:05:36] is a little clunky and then whoopsie will want to be like I'm a sucker great
[01:05:42] time of character has like a really outsized hatred for someone else in the
[01:05:47] in the book in this case the other guy who wrote the other don kio tape in
[01:05:52] John Stuart's America the book there's like a section where Rob Cordray writes
[01:05:57] like when I'm president I'll do the following things and like every time he has
[01:06:01] that section because I will call for the immediate execution of this man at
[01:06:05] this address and it's just like yeah you're hung up on that there's a great
[01:06:10] bit a great extended bit where song show so central ponsa is don kio tape
[01:06:16] squire because don kio tape tells him I'm a night errands on the greatest night of
[01:06:20] all time if you read any of these books you learn that night errands constantly
[01:06:23] do adventures and after their adventures they get given huge amounts of
[01:06:26] treasure they're generally made emperors so I'm gonna give you a huge gift I'm
[01:06:30] gonna give you million dollars and I'm gonna make you the governor of an
[01:06:33] island and sound shows like dope dude I am so down to chill out with you for a
[01:06:37] month in the book have an island so he's constantly saying like man where's
[01:06:40] my island like we just get beat up by every day we go we meet three guys on
[01:06:46] horses and they beat the shit out of some uh we have it turned that into
[01:06:49] wealth I don't know so the Duke and judges who are playing pranks on them tell
[01:06:53] I'm like oh it's not so we're actually I'm I'm the guy who's giving you the
[01:06:58] island you know your master is earned through his heroism this reward here it
[01:07:02] is you got it now and so they like you have to have a blindfold on so it's not
[01:07:07] an island is taking him in the next town over and because the Duke and judges are
[01:07:10] rich they tell everyone in town like here's the gag okay so they put him in this
[01:07:15] house where it's the governor's house and they have like the governor's doctor
[01:07:21] who's like a governor must be in good health you can only eat a crust of bread
[01:07:25] and water every day Sancho's a big fat guy who likes to eat
[01:07:29] the food so he hates this this is the gag and then they have a series of people
[01:07:34] come in asking the governor for advice and the situations they give him are all
[01:07:40] ridiculous situations that are meant to make him look like a fool and Sancho is a
[01:07:45] fool he is a dumbass and he's constantly using mixed metaphors and just being
[01:07:50] hilarious he's a very funny guy and again a gag as old as time what if the idiot
[01:07:57] was right every single situation he says exactly the right thing and fucking
[01:08:02] solved the problem perfectly and there's a guy whose job it is to write down
[01:08:06] all of Sancho's dumbass buffoonery so the Duke and judges can laugh at it
[01:08:11] and he's just like shit he keeps getting it fucking right this fucking oracle
[01:08:16] it's so goddamn good I love it let's do a nice little book end I want to talk
[01:08:22] briefly a little bit about some more Don Bart Simpson stories I'm not gonna read
[01:08:26] anything but I will speak to some good short stories just a bit about him
[01:08:31] stylistically like what to expect if you like that and you want a little bit
[01:08:35] more so I would say with all of his short stories what happens doesn't matter
[01:08:42] like by which I mean like I could spoil I would I will spoil a few good stories
[01:08:48] right now because it's not a spoiler because the actual ride is the execution
[01:08:53] George Saunders has a very nice essay about how good the school is and in the
[01:09:00] metaphor he uses is to describe the school which is like a story doesn't matter
[01:09:05] if it's a novel short story whatever any sort of narrative is like a little
[01:09:08] hot wheels car on a plastic track and as the writer you have to make sure you
[01:09:15] are building in things that make the car go like stuff that amps the up the
[01:09:21] anti and that's very true and in the context of that essay he just reiterates
[01:09:27] that the school is just like here is the formula and it's taken to an absurd
[01:09:31] length and that makes it wonderful there's so there's two other stories that
[01:09:35] are there he has many good ones but if you give a people hundreds stories
[01:09:38] it's too much homework and we're against homework right Tom that's true one of
[01:09:43] the stories is some of us have been threatening our friend Colby in the entire
[01:09:47] story it opens with like yeah we are a buddy Colby he went too far so we got
[01:09:52] to kill him now and the whole story is just like them deciding like how we're
[01:09:57] gonna properly execute Colby and like there's a part where Colby is like I
[01:10:03] would like a band to be there they're like you're just stalling it's very oh
[01:10:11] dude the fucking ending that the fuck okay so the reason the stated thing that
[01:10:18] Colby did that causes them to have to kill him it happens they say it right at
[01:10:23] the beginning they say he went too far and then so good and then at the end
[01:10:32] they kill Colby and no one ever goes too far again
[01:10:42] it's so it's so fucking wonderful the other one me and Miss Mandible is it's a
[01:10:47] grown-ass man who do to like a clerical error is enrolled in like a fourth grade
[01:10:52] classroom and it's like his like notes of just being like oh man all right he's
[01:10:58] like telling about the latest drama in class like which girl like thought he
[01:11:03] had a crush on him and then kicked his shins it's just it's just really good
[01:11:08] it's just like pros that is like a hundred percent committed to like the
[01:11:15] joke a lot of times there are parts where like this is a very smart capital S
[01:11:20] smart story and I don't disagree like I don't mean like clever but like it's
[01:11:23] both smart in its construction and execution but it is fully committed to like
[01:11:30] the premise every time and that's why he's so fun yes there's no wink yeah
[01:11:35] there's no fucking wink yeah I love the concept of like due to like an
[01:11:42] excel error some insane thing is happening and like there's no like don't even
[01:11:48] try to argue it it's not happening like this just is how it is now like that's
[01:11:53] oh it's always funny if you were like tearing your head out trying to figure out
[01:11:58] like why should something happen do a character like why don't just there the
[01:12:02] form was sent it was wrong okay yes that's it I think that books and writing
[01:12:11] is like so good and fun and I don't think that it's good that a lot of
[01:12:19] people just assume books are like for thousands of years all authors have
[01:12:26] been writing work yeah like a bunch of people from the past wanted to make
[01:12:33] sure that kids have homework it seems silly but like even as I say it I'm like
[01:12:39] like I'm sort of surprised by it which is just like all these books were
[01:12:44] written because the author thought it would be fun to write and hope that you
[01:12:50] thought it would be fun to read like that's like that's it dude like that is true
[01:12:56] god damn how do we how do people how do people get this like is there a way to
[01:13:03] get to make this fucking like to get this into people's heads if barely in my
[01:13:08] head the thing is if it is like every written work visual or textual is gonna be
[01:13:15] filled with AI Grigu it's all it's funny that we're having this right before
[01:13:21] the sludge descends on us yeah well I don't know these old books are still gonna
[01:13:30] be around you read old books your whole life and not finish them I hear that
[01:13:34] they're gonna do all the all the mechani's friends they're gonna read middle
[01:13:39] March starting in the middle of March by George Elliott you ever read
[01:13:42] middle March show now that's a no I actually might own it I think it was one
[01:13:47] of those I like when bookstories have like the note card underneath a book
[01:13:51] and they're like this person who works here this is their take on it and you
[01:13:58] know how many fucking books I've bought that I've never read just because they had the
[01:14:01] little card the little cards puts a book shop over the edge like okay I know
[01:14:05] there's a guy I mean there's a human being associated with like this take
[01:14:10] and it's hidden written which is cute and sometimes they make a put a little joke
[01:14:16] in there something I love it middle March is like a you know one of those big
[01:14:22] ass thick as hell British novels you know where everyone gets married at the end
[01:14:27] oh like it one big polycule no they get married to in pairs that would be
[01:14:35] really funny if there was like a Jane Austen very one British 1800s yeah
[01:14:41] if you read like a fucking book about people who have like manners and
[01:14:47] manners and manors both types it's like it's that kind of thing however middle
[01:14:54] March is like exceptionally good there's so many characters are the
[01:14:57] arguably the main character Dorothea is a young woman who's very intelligent
[01:15:03] and she really values intelligence and air audition and an elevation of
[01:15:09] mind that to her is the main thing I am not vain I do not I do not I do not
[01:15:14] truck with these vain women who pursue foolish things like music and and
[01:15:20] needle point that is vain and foolish I care for the serious intellectual arts
[01:15:28] and that's what I want out of my life and she meets a man a Mr. Kassalban
[01:15:33] who is this old gray charisma list like dullard who is like I'm writing my
[01:15:41] life's work it is a comprehensive history of all the mythologies of human
[01:15:46] culture and she's just like I can't not fucking and she's like I'm gonna marry
[01:15:52] Mr. Kassalban everyone in the world is like Dorothea do not fucking marry Mr.
[01:15:57] Kassalban he's like 70 he's like not interested in her he's like not
[01:16:01] horny he's just like I guess I'm getting married to this 19 year old woman
[01:16:07] that's okay and she's like I don't care what you say I love Mr. Kassalban
[01:16:12] I'm gonna have the time of my life with them this is who I was meant to be
[01:16:15] with he is the light of intelligence is going to shine on me it's gonna give my
[01:16:18] life meaning to be near his intelligence he truly is one of the men of all
[01:16:22] time when his book comes out he's gonna be known as the smartest guy who ever
[01:16:27] was and I'm gonna be the wife of the smartest guy whoever was I'm gonna be thanked in
[01:16:30] his book no doubt this is clearly the move from me I know what's right for me you
[01:16:34] as it all idiots I'm getting married to Mr. Kassalban she gets married to him
[01:16:39] lives with them for a while realizes oh these mother fuckers dumb dumb
[01:16:43] this motherfucker dumb and like the big like the shoe dropping part is that
[01:16:48] like he doesn't know German which at the time if you're a scholar and you don't
[01:16:52] know German if you're trying to do research and you don't know German
[01:16:56] you're just like oh you're dumb and she's just like fuck my life it's so funny
[01:17:04] it's so and there's like a jealine other things happening at the same time oh
[01:17:08] I love middle March I can hear my kid why should I got I gotta go 10 to baby
[01:17:13] indeed indeed so let's wrap up all we got to say to you folks is that books are not
[01:17:19] homework kill the cop in your head who says that books are homework they're not
[01:17:22] there for fun fun read them also another guy who fell off that we forgot tin tin
[01:17:29] foil tin cans those aren't made of tin no more tin fell off anyway that's all
[01:17:33] for anime sickos the time to make sicko I've been Joe and anime sicko bye bye see you
[01:17:40] thank you for listening to anime sicko I've been Tom a sicko you can follow me on
[01:17:46] Twitter at time here is in nineteen Joe was also a sicko you can follow him on
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[01:18:01] I don't know tell friend anyway until next time bye