The Sickos give the final word on a variety of classic game mechanics that all gamers know and love, such as "roll," "homing attack," "homing attack (Sonic version)," "When Dracula shoots 3 fireballs," and "The Wagon." If you disagree with our tier rankings, how dare you?
[00:00:00] Behold, a cold open. Joe, since we're both unemployed, we have the opportunity to fantasize about our jobs and the way we couldn't when they were real. I want to know, what's your dream job?
[00:00:15] That's a good question. Let me tell you what I want my work mornings, my Monday through Fridays to look like. I wake up, I do our current routine with the boy, I make him breakfast, and then I eat his leftovers. And then I get him settled in the car for Winnie to take him to school on her way to work. And then I finish getting ready. And then I'm out the door. I am walking to either the pink or the blue line.
[00:00:42] I'm stopping for Vietnamese coffee on the way. And there is zero weight. It is fucking fast.
[00:00:50] Also, they somehow use this experimental type of super science to make the sugar in it not bad for you.
[00:00:56] It's not bad for you. Anyway, the train, and I can't stress this enough, is not fucked up. My commute is 20 minutes long, which I've landed on as kind of the perfect number because it is a amount that separates you.
[00:01:11] And you get some good phone time, but not enough where you lock into the wrong thing. But still, you do get some phone time.
[00:01:17] Yeah.
[00:01:18] And I get off at my stop and I walk. It's like barely a block. Like it's in the lobby very quickly. I'm up the elevator onto the floor, enter the office, the receptionist is there.
[00:01:30] And she, as always, greets me and says, great to see you. You know, like yesterday, we have the same problem.
[00:01:37] We have a bunch of horses in the back that need to be not alive anymore.
[00:01:42] And I do my knowing little smile and I roll up my sleeves and I unsheathe my Zui-hander.
[00:01:49] Hello, everybody. Welcome to Anime Sickos. It's the podcast for geniuses and the only podcast where we talk about anime, gaming, posting, and jobs, which are the four pillars of modern misery.
[00:02:26] I am Tom, an anime sicko.
[00:02:29] I'm Joe, an anime sicko.
[00:02:31] Tom and I, after much bitching and complaining about how Blue Sky sucks, we're eating our vegetables. We're giving it the college try.
[00:02:38] No guarantee that it's going to stick.
[00:02:42] But I forget even now what it was that Twitter did that was so much worse, but it's just like, it's misery.
[00:02:50] Also, there's an algo.
[00:02:51] The new indignity is so awful that we had no choice, whatever it was.
[00:03:00] I mean, what is life but a series of indignities?
[00:03:04] Yeah.
[00:03:04] But, all of which is to say, we're giving it the college try.
[00:03:08] We're not going to give up before we even start like we were before.
[00:03:13] And I think that maybe we got a good sign because I saw a post shared by Krolge.
[00:03:22] If you follow Krolge on Twitter, you know he's one of the top accounts.
[00:03:27] You've got to follow Krolge.
[00:03:29] And he shared a classic Blue Sky post that I had never seen before.
[00:03:36] And having seen it, I was like, oh, maybe there are some freaks on here.
[00:03:43] Like, maybe there's some juice in this after all.
[00:03:45] Like, we're not done yet.
[00:03:48] Yeah.
[00:03:49] Joe, do you want to describe the photo or read the text?
[00:03:52] Or are both of those things too distasteful for you?
[00:03:55] And the reason I ask if you want to do one or both is because they're distasteful to me.
[00:03:59] How's this sound?
[00:04:00] You can say the words.
[00:04:01] I will describe the photo.
[00:04:03] Yeah.
[00:04:03] Start with, what are we looking at here?
[00:04:05] Well, the first thing I would want to communicate about this photo is that it is blurry.
[00:04:10] Yes.
[00:04:10] And it's blurry because it is clearly a guy holding his phone up in the mirror naked, jacking his dick.
[00:04:17] Well, yes.
[00:04:18] When I say blurry, to be clear, it's intentionally so, as though it were censored.
[00:04:23] But not enough that you can't.
[00:04:25] Yeah, we haven't earned this yet.
[00:04:26] Yeah.
[00:04:27] Yes.
[00:04:28] This is the paywalled version.
[00:04:30] And the text says, God, I would probably post Boner for the first time ever.
[00:04:36] Sidebar.
[00:04:39] He's posted Boner before.
[00:04:40] Like, I'm willing to take that bet.
[00:04:44] Like, 1,000%.
[00:04:47] He would probably post Boner for the first time ever.
[00:04:49] But fuck a place without moderation to protect my black friends, my trans friends, my sex worker friends.
[00:04:57] This guy's a hero.
[00:04:59] Yeah, it's weird to just, like, conflate.
[00:05:01] Like, yeah, you know how Justice and my penis hang out?
[00:05:07] Yeah, I don't know.
[00:05:08] So, yeah, that's a post.
[00:05:10] That's a capital P post.
[00:05:11] That's a good fucking post.
[00:05:12] He says, what if he's doing a bit?
[00:05:14] Doesn't matter.
[00:05:15] He's fucking...
[00:05:15] He...
[00:05:16] Sure.
[00:05:17] He earned it if it's a bit.
[00:05:19] Like, I don't care.
[00:05:20] When we were writing all of our sketches for UPSO sketches, too, and a number of them ended with a character being shot, I said to Joe an incredible observation I had, which is that the invention of the gun impacted history in many ways, but perhaps in no arena quite so much as sketch comedy.
[00:05:41] You got an ending always.
[00:05:43] Yes.
[00:05:44] Michael Scott is correct.
[00:05:45] So he was doing improv, and that's kind of lame.
[00:05:48] You have to sit with your friend and write the gun ending.
[00:05:52] Yes.
[00:05:53] You have to both look at each other and be like, what could be better than if this guy got shot, and then we cut immediately?
[00:06:00] And then you just shake your heads, and you both go, nothing could.
[00:06:04] That said, that is a genius observation that's true.
[00:06:08] It was the...
[00:06:09] Having seen this post, I then realized another observation of the same type is true, that the Internet, the creation of the Internet, had a great impact on history and on all sorts of groups of people.
[00:06:21] But perhaps no group of people was so benefited from the Internet's existence than humiliation fetishists, which this guy 1,000% is.
[00:06:33] I think that is, I think, what I have issue with the blue check model currently on Twitter.
[00:06:39] It's because, like, yes, you get rewarded for being insane and saying weird shit, but, like, that means the grifters and the humiliation perverts have the same symbol.
[00:06:49] Mm.
[00:06:51] And you really want them clearly marked.
[00:06:57] Yeah.
[00:06:57] It's also spoiling the...
[00:07:00] You got your humiliation fetishists who have put in the work and are doing this for the love of the game, and then you have fakers who are getting the humiliation fetishists, like, traffic that they earned by posting their blurry...
[00:07:14] Can you do community notes on here?
[00:07:16] Can you be like, community note, this guy gets a boner when people yell at him?
[00:07:22] I guess...
[00:07:23] So the moderation thing he was responding to, I guess, is from when Blue Sky had, like, 1,000 users.
[00:07:31] And I don't fucking know what he's referring to.
[00:07:35] How can you say...
[00:07:36] If this isn't moderated, Twitter is, like, negatively moderated.
[00:07:40] Yeah, Twitter has moderation in order to ensure that your black friends, trans friends, and sex worker friends are harmed to the maximum.
[00:07:48] Right.
[00:07:49] So, I don't know.
[00:07:49] Also, is the post old...
[00:07:51] Probably, yes.
[00:07:52] It's good.
[00:07:53] It's good.
[00:07:53] It should stay out there for us to deal with much later.
[00:07:58] Yeah.
[00:07:59] Anyway, all I would say, we'll see if that sticks.
[00:08:02] Maybe.
[00:08:03] We're the same on Blue Sky as we are on Twitter.
[00:08:07] I am ShariaUncle.
[00:08:10] Man, I don't even know if I am.
[00:08:12] Let me check.
[00:08:13] I think it's at God's Perfect Little Boy.
[00:08:16] I'm Tom Harrison straight up.
[00:08:18] Oh, shit.
[00:08:20] On Twitter, I'm TomHarrison19 because there were 19 previous guys who got there before me.
[00:08:25] I'm Tom Harrison straight up on Blue Sky.
[00:08:27] No numbers at all.
[00:08:29] And then, of course, Anime Sickos is Anime Sickos.
[00:08:32] They really got to get rid of all the fucking shit that comes after the username.
[00:08:37] There's no way I'm going to say TomHarrison.Biskey.Social every fucking time.
[00:08:41] I think it's assumed that the default is the one you're referring to.
[00:08:46] My ignorant understanding is that this is sort of like the...
[00:08:51] Remember how...
[00:08:54] What was the mammoth-based one?
[00:08:56] Mastodon.
[00:08:57] That was the one that was all the Junction GFs.
[00:08:59] Mastodon had federations that were like things...
[00:09:02] You Junction GFs.
[00:09:02] Yeah.
[00:09:03] So it's a little bit of that.
[00:09:04] So you can still like Junction a GF to some stats.
[00:09:07] But it's just confusing.
[00:09:09] Yeah.
[00:09:09] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:09:10] You can Junction GFs, but like you don't have a limited number of spells.
[00:09:16] So it's still like usable.
[00:09:19] Jesus Christ.
[00:09:20] Anyway.
[00:09:21] We're going to rank the game mechanics on a tier list.
[00:09:25] Do you remember fucking doing that?
[00:09:26] Do you remember that?
[00:09:27] Yeah, it was a good idea that I came up with.
[00:09:29] Yeah.
[00:09:30] We did it a few times.
[00:09:34] We liked it.
[00:09:35] It was typical because I liked it and you did the thing you often do.
[00:09:39] It's like, okay, we did something fun twice.
[00:09:41] Now if we do it anymore, we'll go to hell.
[00:09:44] And I'm like, I understand.
[00:09:45] I've never done this in my life.
[00:09:47] You're making something up.
[00:09:48] No, absolutely.
[00:09:50] No, what happens is I forget about it.
[00:09:52] As I said, we did that.
[00:09:54] That's cool.
[00:09:54] That was a great job.
[00:09:55] We got to just wait a little bit and then we'll do it again.
[00:09:58] And then we forget about it.
[00:10:00] If you don't let me talk about game mechanics soon, I'm going to flip out.
[00:10:04] Okay.
[00:10:04] Let me do it.
[00:10:05] I want to do it.
[00:10:06] Joe, we got a bunch to choose from here.
[00:10:10] I'm going to share with you our little menu that we have picked out for today.
[00:10:15] What do you want to do first?
[00:10:18] I would like to go with sort of a foundational game mechanic.
[00:10:24] And I'm going to say that's Dracula shooting three fireballs.
[00:10:29] Dracula opening his cloak and shooting three fireballs.
[00:10:36] Joe, I think it's very clear that this is at least C or above.
[00:10:41] This is definitely in the good section.
[00:10:44] And there's no better evidence than every single Castlevania.
[00:10:47] It was the first thing Dracula, who was the king of monsters, he is the landlord.
[00:10:54] The first thing he does is open his cloak and out comes three fireballs.
[00:10:58] And you have to jump so that the very apex of your jump is right at the third fireball.
[00:11:03] And then right as you're coming down, you whip and you hit him in the head.
[00:11:07] And that is just one of the all-time fun things to do.
[00:11:10] Again and again and again.
[00:11:12] Yeah.
[00:11:14] It's very good.
[00:11:14] I would put the floor at B, actually.
[00:11:17] Yeah.
[00:11:17] Okay.
[00:11:17] Okay.
[00:11:19] For also the reason when you get the same fucking spell in Simphy the Knight, you're like,
[00:11:24] yeah, I'm a Dracula.
[00:11:25] I'm a Dracula.
[00:11:26] Yeah.
[00:11:28] Have you ever played Dracula X, the Castlevania that was the American...
[00:11:35] Saturn one?
[00:11:36] I think it was for SNES.
[00:11:38] It was...
[00:11:39] So they made Rondo of Blood for the PC engine in Japan.
[00:11:43] That's the best name.
[00:11:44] Like, Castlevanias have very stupid names, but Rondo of Blood.
[00:11:49] It's a pretty dumb dude.
[00:11:51] I think I've talked about this, that for whatever reason, my grandma...
[00:11:55] I don't know if this was a defunct brand name, that she had just made her own personal
[00:11:59] generic version, like Kleenex.
[00:12:01] But she called all ice cream bars Rondos.
[00:12:04] And I'm talking about ice cream bars, like a piece of ice cream with a chocolate shell
[00:12:08] that you pick up and it's wholly contained and the chocolate shell is, like, crackly.
[00:12:12] So every time I hear Rondo of Blood, I'm thinking I've been picking up a little chocolate
[00:12:16] bar from the fucking freezer and I bite into it thinking it's gonna be ice cream and just
[00:12:21] blood comes out.
[00:12:23] Anyway, Rondo of Blood is a classic, one of the best Castlevanias.
[00:12:26] They made an American version with some different company doing...
[00:12:31] I don't know who...
[00:12:31] I don't know why it's different, but it's different and it's worse.
[00:12:34] The reason I bring it up, when you get to the Dracula fight at the end, when you're
[00:12:41] in the part where he's shooting the three fireballs, because there's always that part and then you
[00:12:45] beat that and then Dracula does some fucking shit and it's different.
[00:12:48] He becomes a demon or a dragon or something.
[00:12:51] Something weird happens.
[00:12:52] But when you're in that part, you're not on a flat fucking, like, floor.
[00:12:58] You're on a bunch of little pillars, each of which have bottomless pit on either side.
[00:13:04] And they're also at different heights.
[00:13:05] That's so fucked up.
[00:13:07] Castlevania jumping is clunky.
[00:13:08] It's so clunky.
[00:13:09] When I say bottomless pit on either side, trust me when I mean that if you get hit by
[00:13:14] the fireballs ever, you go da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da and there's nothing you can do about it.
[00:13:20] I don't hold that against Dracula shooting three fireballs.
[00:13:23] I just want to say that there was one time where some extraneous bullshit that wasn't
[00:13:28] the three fireballs' fault made it bad.
[00:13:32] I'm going to put it at B because it's like a comfort food.
[00:13:36] When you see Dracula do the cape, you're like, oh, I know what this is.
[00:13:42] Yeah.
[00:13:42] Yeah.
[00:13:43] You feel smart for jumping over them the right way, but you're not surprised because he always
[00:13:47] does it.
[00:13:48] It's like, you know what it's like?
[00:13:50] When you see a band that you love live and they have a new album out and they're playing
[00:13:55] the new stuff and it's great.
[00:13:56] The new stuff is good.
[00:13:57] And every once in a while they play like an old deep cut that everyone pops for it.
[00:14:01] Like, oh, yes, yes, yes.
[00:14:02] And then they go off and you're like, they didn't play their big hit, but that's fine.
[00:14:08] They played it a million times and that was a great show anyway.
[00:14:11] And then, oh, what's this?
[00:14:12] You're coming back and they play their big hit and it's just like, oh, you guys.
[00:14:19] Oh, gosh.
[00:14:20] That's the three fireballs.
[00:14:22] Because you played the whole Castlevania.
[00:14:24] It was new.
[00:14:25] There were new mechanics.
[00:14:26] There were all these fun new things.
[00:14:28] And then, my boy.
[00:14:31] Three.
[00:14:31] I like how they all start high, but the two go low.
[00:14:37] Yeah.
[00:14:38] So good.
[00:14:38] Anyway, yeah, B.
[00:14:39] I'm 100% for B.
[00:14:41] I have nothing against putting it in B and it is in B.
[00:14:45] Dracula shooting three fireballs is as good as jump.
[00:14:49] We have fucking put it.
[00:14:52] Bam.
[00:14:53] It's true now.
[00:14:54] Joe, what's next?
[00:14:55] What are we doing now?
[00:14:57] Tom, you're on a Resident Evil kick right now.
[00:14:59] You played Resident Evil 2, right?
[00:15:01] Yeah, the remake.
[00:15:02] The, uh, yeah, yeah.
[00:15:04] Yeah, I did too.
[00:15:05] Uh, seeing you play that made me think of a really good mechanic that the series leans into,
[00:15:12] which is you are pursued by a freak.
[00:15:15] Pursued by freak.
[00:15:16] And the freak, it goes without saying, of course, that the freak is basically invincible.
[00:15:20] In fact, I'll go one further.
[00:15:22] The freak must be invincible in order for the mechanic to, in fact, be pursued by freak.
[00:15:29] Because, like, if you can kill the enemy, that's just the, that's just the serious Sam guy with no head and the two bombs that goes, ah, and runs right at you.
[00:15:38] Yeah.
[00:15:38] In Resident Evil 2, the hat man shows up.
[00:15:41] He's, and you just have to play around it.
[00:15:44] Like, there's no, like, oh, I'm gonna just use all my rocket.
[00:15:47] And you're a fucking not because he's gonna touch you.
[00:15:50] And I love pursued by freak.
[00:15:52] I'll say it now.
[00:15:53] Resident Evil, as a horror game, is rarely scary.
[00:15:57] And I know in my brain that the AI for the freak who pursues you in the Resident Evil 2 remake is really stupid and easily, uh, played around.
[00:16:09] However, when the music starts playing and you start hearing clompy, clompy ass feet and you turn around and there is literally the hat man from Benatryl.
[00:16:19] Um, like.
[00:16:20] Or it's worse when you can't, you don't know where he is yet.
[00:16:22] And he's, like, close and you're like, ah, he's, how do I not see him?
[00:16:26] He's eight feet tall.
[00:16:28] Or, like, you're, there's, like, some zombies that you didn't kill because, uh, you can get around them with some difficulty.
[00:16:35] But, like, you're impossible.
[00:16:36] And it's like, oh, I'm getting, I'm avoiding the zombie.
[00:16:40] Oh, boy.
[00:16:40] And then you open the door and there's the fucking hat man.
[00:16:43] It's like, oh, shit, you gotta turn around.
[00:16:44] It's like, oh, fuck, that zombie I didn't kill because I didn't want to waste my bullets.
[00:16:46] Now it, fuck, I should have killed that zombie.
[00:16:49] Ah!
[00:16:49] I hate getting pursued by freak.
[00:16:51] Another time you get pursued by freak is that alien game.
[00:16:54] I never played that.
[00:16:55] But the alien is a type of freak.
[00:16:57] For sure.
[00:16:58] Like an alien.
[00:16:59] Like, the dang movie.
[00:17:00] Yeah, yeah.
[00:17:01] Xenomorph, the one that's got a big eyeless, shiny dick.
[00:17:05] Yeah.
[00:17:05] The Frieza 3 one.
[00:17:07] Yeah, the Frieza.
[00:17:08] I didn't play that game, but I understand that it is a game where the alien is unkillable.
[00:17:15] And, like, the tension of the game comes from, like, I gotta do all these fucking chores.
[00:17:21] But I have to do my job and there's a thing in the fence.
[00:17:24] Yes, yes.
[00:17:26] Joe, here's another thing.
[00:17:27] That has pursued by freak.
[00:17:30] That was too much for me.
[00:17:31] You ever play the original Amnesia game?
[00:17:35] That was all pursued by freak.
[00:17:37] It was pretty much the only mechanic.
[00:17:39] There was some Steam sale.
[00:17:41] I bought that for many people because it was, like, on sale and people had it on their wish
[00:17:45] list.
[00:17:45] And everyone was like, oh, this is, like, really scary.
[00:17:47] I don't like this.
[00:17:48] Like, oh, fuck.
[00:17:49] Never mind.
[00:17:49] This was a scary gift.
[00:17:51] Yeah.
[00:17:51] Yeah.
[00:17:52] So I had that game.
[00:17:53] and this was when the idea of someone playing a video game for an audience was sort of new
[00:18:00] and like it was there were like viral videos of like people playing amnesia and going like
[00:18:05] that were very popular among uh my my crew and so uh we set up a series of events where i uh got my
[00:18:16] computer hooked up to a big projector and people would come over and watch me play amnesia because
[00:18:20] i was especially fucking frightened of the freak and i could not handle being pursued by freak uh
[00:18:25] and generally people would hand me alcohol being that i was in college i would just slam it without
[00:18:33] checking dance monkey so that's why i don't drink anymore and also it was too like that was too much
[00:18:40] i think what you got to do to make pursued by freak sing is you got to have other stuff when it's just
[00:18:48] pursued by freak you really feel like like all right fuck me then like can i just kill like just
[00:18:54] get me like just make me dead in resident evil 2 you do have guns and shit and like you are you can kill
[00:19:01] the other zombies so you feel like okay it's not so bad you don't feel powerless yes yes you feel
[00:19:07] powerless in the face of freak but you're just like i'm powerful but the freak is just something i'm
[00:19:12] gonna have to deal with and it's it's another vector of of decision making that gets put onto
[00:19:19] the game when all you're doing is being pursued by freak it's just like man i just didn't i'm in
[00:19:24] freak world and i hate it like why like why am i here like why don't i just kill myself in the game
[00:19:31] i would like to contribute some additional evidence yeah uh everything you've said pursued by freak wise
[00:19:37] has been a 3d game not surprisingly uh because you run around in 3d space yeah but pursued by freak is
[00:19:44] such a good mechanic in my opinion uh that it made me scared when i played i played the super nintendo
[00:19:51] clock tower game on a rom like after i had played like 3d scary games yeah thinking this is a super
[00:19:58] nintendo game it's not 3d it can't be scary it's so fucking scary because like the scissor man
[00:20:05] comes and gets you uh but it's the music change all has to do is the music change and i'm like a
[00:20:11] grown man and i'm like oh no he's gonna get me and i can't think properly uh the same thing happens
[00:20:18] in resident evil like in the resident evil 2 remake it's like at the end of the game like you're not
[00:20:22] really inconvenienced by him like he's not killing you you're just like ah fuck this guy but if the
[00:20:27] music plays you're like oh yeah yeah he could get me what if he gets me i'm thinking here's what i'm
[00:20:35] thinking i'm thinking i'm putting it in c and that sounds like i'm like it sounds like a like a slam
[00:20:41] but it's not i i agree with everything we're saying about pursued by freak pursued by freak
[00:20:44] is here's the thing though it's a spice it's like i said you cannot it's a sometimes flavor yes you
[00:20:50] cannot make it the main part of your game otherwise you get amnesia the dark descent which is too scary
[00:20:57] and i hate that um but as us as a spice or sauce sprinkled at the top an already good game then you
[00:21:06] get a great game agreed i agree also i just don't want to put it right next to dracula shooting three
[00:21:11] fireballs because i don't think it's as good as that it's not and i will say the reason even the ai for
[00:21:17] the thing chasing you is can be clunky and shitty the reason it is not so apparently clunky and shitty
[00:21:24] in my opinion for something like resident evil 4 is he shows up in different times and because of that
[00:21:28] it's like a different context each time so the shitty ai feels newish you know there was a part
[00:21:35] in the end of the leon run of resident evil 2 remake where like it's right near the end and like so much
[00:21:44] shit is happening to you you had to go through a weird plant area you had to go through a yucky
[00:21:49] sewer where like a million giant monsters yeah turd tentacles i hated that part and you have to shoot
[00:21:54] like a thousand bombs at them and you kill them fucking all because you can't run past them because
[00:21:59] they're giant and like you're just getting put through the fucking ringer and then like the you
[00:22:05] fight the big uh scary guy with the goopy eye in his shoulder and then there's the self-destruct going
[00:22:14] on and you have to get out of the fucking research facility while this thing going
[00:22:18] and you're just running through catwalks fucking guy again and he's leon literally says are you
[00:22:24] fucking joking i don't mean that's are you fucking joking but he he makes some verbal expression of
[00:22:31] is this a joke you this is a little so c is good i like that cool what next uh we have jump at b
[00:22:40] let's do another really basic like crisp chest pass video game mechanic and that's going to be roll
[00:22:50] roll joe i'm going to say something you may not expect i think roll is pretty bad here's why
[00:23:01] what is roll general i'm thinking like what what the quintessential version ocarina of time roll and
[00:23:09] you know about roll because you need to roll through hyrule field otherwise you go too slow
[00:23:14] and it's boring so you gotta roll so what is roll but a crappy sprint or dash that's true
[00:23:21] it doesn't look cool let's also consider this like
[00:23:27] rolling is cool if you fall from a great height and then do it and then suffer no damage and
[00:23:31] everyone's like oh wow yeah he dispersed the force perfectly but if like i'm uh fighting
[00:23:40] uh ne'er-do-wells on the street and even if i win by doing well-timed roll dodges i look like a
[00:23:48] piece of shit yeah and they would probably say that as i was choking them out like they'd be like i use the
[00:23:53] roll it doesn't count i mean i sort of made a joke like when was the last time you jumped in life like
[00:23:59] when was the last time jumping was so critical to your day-to-day uh in reference to how you're
[00:24:05] constantly jumping in video games uh which would make you think that jumping is the most common
[00:24:10] thing to do with rolling yeah rolling is presented as like a typical kind of local and also one that
[00:24:17] you do that like what that you do while you're already in a full run and so it's like i'm running as
[00:24:21] fast as i can time to fucking throw my head at the ground at full speed i would just you know what
[00:24:28] i would do is i wouldn't like spin enough i would like dive and i wouldn't get my head down enough and
[00:24:34] i would just smash my head straight up on the ground and uh my fucking the spinal discs in my neck would
[00:24:44] become like a can of pringles just getting smushed on the top and that would be it for me i don't like
[00:24:50] i'm putting row and e yeah uh i have some additional bad evidence which is you can't help but think
[00:24:58] of the worst version of a mechanic when we're doing this right and i can't help but think of the
[00:25:03] monster hunter role the biggest fucking awful shit ever what if you did a role and it you still got hit
[00:25:11] uh it only changes your trajectory a little bit but as tom said previously it's not like that big of a
[00:25:18] change oh oh actually talk about the worst example this is very similar to the monster hunter role
[00:25:24] in final fantasy 7 remake which i think has great combat i think the combat system is fantastic and a
[00:25:29] lot of fun but you have a role in that game and i was like going nuts about like i had to like look up
[00:25:36] like what is like what am i doing wrong about the timing of the role like the role is terrible
[00:25:39] and i had to look it up and people were like oh yeah the role is not meant to dodge like you're not
[00:25:46] going to dodge anything with the role like keep in mind that although you are playing in sort of a
[00:25:51] semi real-time action like uh combat system this is still a jrpg like final fantasy 7 game in that like
[00:26:02] the game is designed that you get hit every time the enemy has a turn and you there's no dodging
[00:26:09] you can't dodge in final fantasy 7 so you can't dodge and remake so i was like what the fuck is the point
[00:26:15] of the role it's so that you go a little bit faster for a little bit like just give me a sprint it's a
[00:26:20] fidget yes it really it's so stupid it works though i mean like wow had wow was the first mmo i played
[00:26:26] where you could jump and like i was like oh okay well i have something to do forever now yeah but jumping
[00:26:31] i think jumping is a better fidget just because it looks absolutely yes place okay it's funnier
[00:26:37] doing it in places i mean nothing worse to be said um so after we've correctly put role in e with
[00:26:45] junctioning gfs and the triple jump i think that uh well we can't have started this ball rolling
[00:26:54] fun not intended we can't have started this ball rolling without finishing it up uh specifically
[00:27:01] roll with iframes uh joe i'll say it clear and bluntly roll with iframes makes roll look like
[00:27:09] shit it really does uh if we can return to the monster hunter evidence it's so fucked you have to wear
[00:27:17] special armor to get like regular video game roll uh it is a big sin it sucks uh this is evidence that
[00:27:25] roll with iframe is insanely good yes because you're you're willing you're willing to spend your
[00:27:32] precious skill slots on something that is just a basic quality of life video game thing in a game
[00:27:40] where you have like a spear that's a gun and like you do crazy shit it's like no what i really need
[00:27:44] is just like a role that i can depend on that not to get too off topic but i love on that same monster
[00:27:51] hunter note the buff called ear plugs which is just when the monster yells instead of standing still
[00:28:00] and holding your ears like everyone else has to you can just keep playing the game um well the first
[00:28:07] level you can like you just shudder less it's so fucking funny um so joe you are a famously and and
[00:28:14] publicly a from software games not playing guy uh aside from bloodborne which does not have the
[00:28:20] roll it has a little like side steppy dash i think i have played a shit ton of the fucking from soft
[00:28:27] games i've played dark souls and i've played elden ring i've played it twice so i know from roll with
[00:28:34] iframes which if you don't know what that means iframes is frames in which you are invincible which
[00:28:39] is to say you activate the roll and for a certain amount of time nothing can hit you for any reason
[00:28:45] so you could roll through that weird fire blast you can do goofy shit there is a uh part in elden ring
[00:28:52] where you were walking up a big staircase to go to a wizard tower and as you're looking up this big
[00:28:58] staircase being like this is gonna be easy for me because i don't have any fucking monsters on this
[00:29:03] staircase uh a wizard inside the tower you can't see you discover him later summons an enormous metal orb
[00:29:11] that clangs down on the fucking uh staircase and starts rolling towards you and you think to
[00:29:17] yourself oh no i'm going to get absolutely demolished by this big metal sphere that's
[00:29:23] rolling towards me well did you know that if you just roll directly into the sphere nothing happens
[00:29:31] that's video games that's video games it's like how did you have to get through this you have to
[00:29:38] embrace video game you're thinking too much like real stuff uh i so if you play from sub games you play
[00:29:48] the soul scene you play elden ring roll with iframes is perhaps like the most important thing that is
[00:29:55] in your toolkit like you have to be able to roll through shit and uh it as though it's still stupid
[00:30:05] looking like all the shit we said from before is still true like the fact that it's still slow the
[00:30:12] fact that like you become like the legendary hero but anyone watching you is like do you mean the guy
[00:30:17] who's constantly rolling on the floor like a dumbass he's on the ground most of the time how can he be
[00:30:23] although that's all true it's just like it is the cornerstone of a combat system that i find so rich
[00:30:32] and rewarding that like i can do nothing but love it john i'm thinking roll with iframes goes to b
[00:30:40] i think it's as good as jump yeah i mean like it's the mechanic that is fun at base level and then also
[00:30:49] it's like asking you to abuse it a little because it's just like if you have iframes you can get i
[00:30:54] think also that that nuttiness makes the inherent indignity of rolling somersaults it's what children
[00:31:02] do children show you that they can somersault that's the trade-off i look like an idiot yeah i take no
[00:31:07] damage because it's silly the silliness of this action is actually apropos and in and adds to an
[00:31:14] overall atmosphere of we're just we're just goofing like we're just being silly here and i love that uh
[00:31:22] roll with iframes it really makes and also i'm gonna say if you have experienced the roll with iframes
[00:31:29] it makes the standard roll all the more ridiculous because this is why i was looking up what is the
[00:31:37] roll for in final fantasy 7 remake because i would roll immediately as i was getting hit in the animation
[00:31:45] and i would still get hit and it never it joe it literally never occurred to me that like the game's
[00:31:51] logic is like well although you were in the posture of a somersaulting child you still got hit with the
[00:31:58] sword therefore you take sword damage it's like no if i'm in the posture of a somersaulting child
[00:32:03] swords go through me that's just that's just logic and science when you equip that skill in monster
[00:32:10] hunter and you like go up the the skill ranks with it uh you just get more generous little windows
[00:32:16] because like it's not roll as you said should be when i press b i'm a ghost you can't fucking touch me
[00:32:23] uh but it uh in monster you actually have to like this is the frame where i don't get hit
[00:32:29] i think that's a little too uh demanding but then again isn't that all that monster hunter is that
[00:32:36] like the whole game is like can you be absolutely perfect for every single moment of this 20 second
[00:32:43] fight against a dinosaur with a gun for a head um and the base role has like i think like one frame
[00:32:52] of invincibility that you can watch like japanese players use uh as if it's like that's so like
[00:32:57] whenever uh the goddamn summoning salt the youtuber who does history the history of a certain speed
[00:33:04] run he'll talk about like uh and then like big dick donnie found uh a exploit that if you press b
[00:33:12] on one frame out of 60 in this second then you do a thing that allows you to do a speed run good and
[00:33:20] you need to do it 15 times every minute uh and if you mess up once the speed run is destroyed anyway
[00:33:27] after that was discovered 100 guys were doing it every single day all day and it's just like wow
[00:33:34] my god like if something takes one frame in a video game i'm just like whoa so it's impossible
[00:33:39] well you can't be done okay it's a randomly occurring event then yes okay uh so that's roll with
[00:33:45] iframe show what do you want to what do you want to do next take a look at what we got uh on the docket
[00:33:49] what what do you what are you feeling uh let's actually uh continue our movement discussion uh
[00:33:55] we're going to get at it in an indirect way i am selecting homing attack and the reason it's a
[00:34:02] movement based thing it's because homing attack makes you think of like gunstar heroes where you
[00:34:07] have like this gun that automatically just hits everything and you don't have to aim it so you can
[00:34:11] focus on jumping like every shooter game like that the homing weapon is focus on your feeties like it's
[00:34:19] like worry about the footwork which is very good because it lets you get fundamentals oh my god i was
[00:34:24] not following where you were going like how is homing attack movement based but you are so fucking
[00:34:29] right it's like you you generally the homing attack is weaker than the non-homing attacks but like that is
[00:34:36] a price i'm willing to pay because like especially in like a hard game like gunstar heroes or cup had
[00:34:41] has a homing attack where like so much of the game is like you have to be standing in the right
[00:34:48] place to not get fucking rocked and killed all the time it's like how do i learn like how do i it's
[00:34:56] such a punishing difficulty like how am i ever gonna know where to stand and that is an option you can
[00:35:02] have to be like well at least you'll be able to put your entire mind to it yes 100 of my brain can
[00:35:10] worry about positioning uh great for learning a fight i forgot about cuphead uh cuphead is it's
[00:35:16] hard uh it's fun though um i think i was using the homing weapon for the same reason because it's how you
[00:35:22] learn the fights trying to do the seven force in gunstar heroes we have to fight seven bosses the
[00:35:29] the robot just has seven transformations and it's essentially just seven bosses in a row it's a
[00:35:34] seven boss boss rush and fucking sucks he's been out of balls right um it's one of the it's that like
[00:35:39] yeah it's so that was sega's like answer to mode seven it's like this is the thing that we can do that
[00:35:44] uh snes can't just have a lot of like balls that sort of look like yeah yeah these balls look like
[00:35:51] they're like connected on a rubber band so they'll like shoot out and then bring back um
[00:35:57] trying to do that boss fight without the homing attack unless you are like already the gunstar
[00:36:03] heroes speed running guy god is fucking nonsense and it's so annoying because like you're constantly
[00:36:11] having to remember like okay in this form where the fuck do i stand uh oh i stand over here oh okay
[00:36:16] uh but then also oh shit if i'm not actually aiming at the guy the fight will never end ah
[00:36:23] homing attack it also puts a time limit on every boss fight because just think of rate limiting kind
[00:36:29] of here you are shooting non-stop and it's always going to be hitting the guy so the the game is
[00:36:35] hold down the button and jump for long enough in a way where your health doesn't hit zero god
[00:36:40] it's so smart it's so smart it it and also it gives a game license to require really precise movement
[00:36:52] which like some people sometimes myself i'm not good enough to love it but i understand the value
[00:36:59] of a game that really asks a lot of you with your positioning and reaction and dodging and uh
[00:37:07] and i played a couple games that require that and do not have a homing attack and i feel like i feel
[00:37:13] like i'm playing amnesia like like i'm in hell like you just put me in hell and i'm getting hit every day
[00:37:19] by by villains and like so what the fuck am i doing like i'm gonna just leave like what is it why am i
[00:37:24] this isn't fun but homing attack it it you know what it is it's easy mode by another name it is it is
[00:37:32] it's easy mode but they're not calling it easy they're just like oh it's just a special gun that makes life
[00:37:38] easy known as a gun obviously we're both on homing attack side where are we thinking in the tier list
[00:37:45] uh either a or b i don't think it's getting to a i'm putting it in b i think b is fair that's fine
[00:37:56] uh we've also been leaning on b a lot we got it we got it well that's in that the bell curve
[00:38:01] the bell curve will even out later in fact if we want to put more stuff in d i'm gonna tell you i feel
[00:38:07] like i gotta i was gonna say a big d coming but no i'm feeling that uh this next one will get sorted
[00:38:14] into d uh related to homing attack homing attack specifically sonic where you are the projectile
[00:38:25] where like you jump you are sonic you press the homing attack button and you don't shoot a bullet
[00:38:32] that always hits you shoot you're you who always hits what do you think about that it depends if i'm
[00:38:39] using it on another human being in smash brothers or not uh because it's like a war crime it makes a
[00:38:43] dentist drill sound it sucks to have it happen to you uh but it makes you feel like you have instant
[00:38:51] transmission which is cool i feel that the fact that it is so strongly linked to sonic specifically
[00:38:59] is a problem because and i know that a lot of people are trying to reclaim sonic
[00:39:05] and rehabilitate sonic's image and a lot of people for whatever reason really love the characters and
[00:39:13] stories of fucking yeah i don't get sonic yeah i there there's a lot of love for a lot of them that i
[00:39:21] it feels like someone just has a lot of lore for like the bk kids like i just don't
[00:39:27] yes i i have trouble right exactly um all of which to say i still despite all this sort of reappraisal
[00:39:35] and all this momentum of like sonic's good i think sonic's not that good i had sonic adventure 2 battle
[00:39:40] for the gamecube like everyone did i played it because it was one of my few games and even as a
[00:39:44] little kid uh i thought it was just okay and that's apparently the best one and yeah i can't even
[00:39:53] i can't think of another example of a homing attack where it's you being the projectile i don't think so
[00:40:01] either uh i would it's definitely one of the better parts of sonic because i associate sonic with running
[00:40:07] to the right and then like suddenly having to stop because you hit a wall so i like that uh better
[00:40:14] um so i think it's a good mechanic in the context of sonic big picture here's also why i don't love it
[00:40:23] um even in the context of sonic which is it tends to not really be something that matters and what how do i
[00:40:36] what do i mean by that i let me let me cast your mind back to when i was talking about like the idea i was talking
[00:40:43] about how ai generated art is so meaningless to me and like the fact that it is so easily created and has
[00:40:51] such little substance at when created means like essentially you don't have to ever put the prompt in
[00:40:58] like it already like we already know that there's slop to be made and we know that the slop can be made with no effort
[00:41:08] so like the slop is in a sort of quantum position of always existing regardless of whether someone actually
[00:41:15] types in the fucking words which is to say the enemies in sonic are kind of like that it's like we don't actually
[00:41:22] need to have enemies in 3d sonic games because they're not like they're just platforms and like
[00:41:29] they're not even platforms because i can't miss them like i'm just pressing the button and i'm
[00:41:33] jumping to the platforms which you know in this case is in the form of using your homing attack and
[00:41:39] then you just keep and their sort of orientation the level is designed for you to like jump in a certain
[00:41:45] way it's just how are they just not exactly yes it doesn't feel like an attack because like they
[00:41:49] they don't feel like enemies they feel like they're helping me and it's like you were placed
[00:41:54] here to help me go to this area by using my homing attack yeah so at that point the enemies are just
[00:42:01] like environments and do you feel good about killing the environment tom i don't i feel bad i'm putting
[00:42:09] it in d agreed yeah for sure i'm not putting in e or f because as we you know you do get to kind of
[00:42:17] whoosh and it's kind of like it's fun the first time you get like oh i wished so you know it's not
[00:42:23] like roll where you don't even get to whoosh you just gotta roll like an asshole all right what next
[00:42:28] what are you thinking uh let's do some classic boomer shooter shit uh by which i mean regenerating shield
[00:42:38] but non-regenerating health oh baby we're in halo now uh i was in boomer shooter is in halo i was
[00:42:47] thinking more of like whatever the point is the classic fps choice of you got a cool blue layer
[00:42:54] that gets hit with bullets and goes away and it comes back but your blood underneath the red bar
[00:43:00] that does not regenerate i think this is the best of both worlds in terms of there's the whole thing
[00:43:07] about what do we do with health and shooters do we have it be regenerating where you get shot with 100
[00:43:13] bullets and suddenly the screen gets bloody and you just hide behind a barrel until you're totally fine
[00:43:19] uh or do you have so the only way to heal is picking up little floating uh first aid kits on in the
[00:43:29] middle of the room which are surrounded by shooting guys and there's people who argue on either side
[00:43:35] this is the best of both worlds because literally both are happening you have the regenerating health
[00:43:39] like you can hide behind a barrel and get more safe but also like if you get shot actually in the
[00:43:46] face a bunch of times like you're you're dealing with that you don't just you don't just not have
[00:43:52] gotten shot in the face which is what yes i i think it's a it's a very good mechanic too because it's
[00:43:58] guiding the player to be like you should take cover like you need to take a breather you shouldn't
[00:44:02] be exposed all the time like it's kind of training wheels yeah but at the same time like if you just
[00:44:07] walk up to a guy he'll shoot you with a shotgun in the head it doesn't matter
[00:44:12] uh so i i do think that aspect of it's good uh and what you said earlier which is like
[00:44:20] like a wolfenstein situation like one of the remakes you just have health in that like you're
[00:44:26] getting pinned down by a machine gun and you're like mostly dead like the shield gives you an out
[00:44:32] like you can you have something in your toolbox to change your situation a little bit and obviously
[00:44:37] it's limited but like in the wolfenstein situation what do you do just move and then quick load when
[00:44:42] you die so uh i think it's one of the better ones it's to me it's like how two guns is the perfect
[00:44:50] amount of gun in a game it just feels uh just the right amount of mechanic yeah yeah it just feels
[00:44:58] good intellectually you think about it from like a design perspective and it's just like yeah smart
[00:45:05] and then you experience it and you're just like hell yeah yes yeah and also a regenerating resource
[00:45:11] also keeps you from being like i'm fucked i'm fucked exactly and also to go back to how we were talking
[00:45:17] about being pursued by freak how it's fun when in the midst of a game an event happens that sort of is
[00:45:25] like red alert red alert like you're thinking needs to you're thinking your actions need to change
[00:45:30] now priorities are different now new mode um when your shield goes away the way you think about how
[00:45:40] you're gonna you have to play and like your priorities i'm a little scared guy now yes and
[00:45:45] that's fun it means that you never get stuck in one mode uh yeah i'm putting in a what do you think
[00:45:52] i a and it and in a multiplayer context i it's fine for the reasons we said which is yes you have
[00:45:58] shields but it doesn't stop you from getting shot in the face with a shotgun and becoming instigibbed
[00:46:05] yeah and joe just to be clear i'm gonna make you feel your age more than your constant body pains
[00:46:12] already do you said you made some uh indication that perhaps boomer shooter was not the right thing to say
[00:46:21] given that halo is the most famous example of this mechanic uh halo one came out in 2001 it is a
[00:46:29] thousand percent of boomer shooter it is 23 years old i guess yeah that's that's true uh i guess a
[00:46:38] boomer shooter i associated with like the duke newcomb stuff that's the same fucking time yeah dude i mean
[00:46:44] like you it's only because you live through those years one year at a time that you make that distinction
[00:46:49] to anyone who's less than 20 years old those came out the same year and they were it's fine
[00:46:57] all right um oh joe i'm not gonna say what i think of this i want to hear what you say first so i don't
[00:47:03] say something and you say the exact opposite and look like an asshole what do you think about the
[00:47:08] mechanic of you play a level of a video game this is a video game with discrete levels not an open
[00:47:14] world game is levels you beat a level and then you get a rating at the end of the level what do you
[00:47:22] think of that well tom i think that's the whole point of the fucking endeavor
[00:47:29] really like it's so sick when you get an s ring it feels so good i love it also uh
[00:47:38] this is the dopamine i was supposed to get it from homework but like you can go back
[00:47:41] and change what was a b into an s wow okay i'm glad i held back my opinion because joe i gotta tell you
[00:47:50] i have the exact opposite when their game is giving me ratings at the end of the level i'm in like
[00:47:57] super hell and i hate it a lot first playthrough in a game with ratings usually towards the end i'm
[00:48:04] thinking of like bayonetta has this and it's like the final few levels are like d f you fucking
[00:48:10] chunked it you got hit a hundred times uh it's funny you should mention bayonetta because i'm
[00:48:15] thinking of that specifically uh that wasn't happening at the end that was happening to me
[00:48:19] on every single level uh i suck at bayonetta big time and it really was like it really killed my
[00:48:28] desire to keep playing the game how every single time i was playing every like 20 minutes or so
[00:48:34] it would give it would go like blah blah and give me a trophy of the dumbass italiano man
[00:48:42] falling on his dumb ass and it would say you got a stone trophy dumbass and i'm just like i guess i'm
[00:48:50] a dumb i guess i am a little worm i'm a terrible man oh the stone trophy was like the lowest rank right
[00:48:56] because you got fancier medals yeah and obviously the higher up you go you get bayonetta as the trophy
[00:49:03] uh in like a sensual pose i would imagine not that i would know uh but the lowest and you know not
[00:49:09] italian either yeah no you get the fat dumbass italiano guy who exists to fucking fall on his ass
[00:49:17] for like clown music to play and then bayonetta's like i'm so glad i'm not italian why is she fucking
[00:49:25] james from team rocket i don't know um didn't that voice actress like have like she there was this
[00:49:33] incredible drama where she was getting like recast and everyone was like how could you she's so iconic
[00:49:39] how we're all on your side and then she's like by the way vaccines make you gay
[00:49:45] i don't think it was that but like she said it was like in her moment of triumph she's like by the
[00:49:50] way i'm fucking insane my favorite anti-vax person is just a yeah the guy from the mighty mighty boss
[00:49:58] tones is not for these i love that really i haven't thought about them in a while yeah he was uh
[00:50:05] yeah dicky barrett is uh no on the jam wow i also thank you for uh being making that clear because
[00:50:12] i'm like the guy from mighty mighty boss tones could reply it's the guy with the voice
[00:50:19] it's not the aquabats where they're all me yeah that's true um okay so we're at odds here uh you
[00:50:26] but you do you understand what i'm saying about how a game that gives you ratings it makes the
[00:50:35] experience of playing it for the first time and not knowing what to do yet hurt like why are you
[00:50:40] like why are you making fun of me like i'm the player like i i bought you game like can i suggest
[00:50:48] a workaround yeah yeah tell me when you get to that part just close your eyes like it's just do that
[00:50:57] uh you know when it's gonna happen and you know the sound it makes so when it's over you can open them
[00:51:05] so you're telling me that when you get good it's fun to get the good rank tell me what does that feel
[00:51:11] like give me walk me through the the positive experience of this i like the ranking system
[00:51:17] especially for games like bayonetta because one i'm i do not have the same issue you do i i think
[00:51:23] the problem is you are trying to do things like you're like i want to execute certain actions and
[00:51:28] the way you play bayonetta is you must empty your mind okay you have to empty your mind and only react
[00:51:34] and kill and like not process thoughts but the reason i like the ranking system in that
[00:51:40] is you finish a level you're like i was really schmoving like i feel pretty good and then you get
[00:51:44] that confirmation that yes you were in fact schmoving by the game standards the developers put
[00:51:49] these baselines in there and by those baselines you were crushing it you're doing great uh i find that
[00:51:57] to be a very helpful milestone sort of direction that i'm like playing correctly and the thing that i
[00:52:03] will do differently is like for action games like bayonetta where it's like combo based and there's
[00:52:08] like fluid movement if i get a low rank on something like d because i got hit a bunch i replay it
[00:52:14] because it feels like even if i beat a boss and i beat a boss by like dragging my ass across the
[00:52:20] finish line just like a really unceremonious victory you know like barely any health left you
[00:52:26] used everything in those cases i will play again because like the game is about like being the cool
[00:52:32] witch lady that dodges so i feel like if i don't do that i'm not playing right interesting i don't
[00:52:38] replay because i'm just like i'm just gonna fuck up again i think that the real thing is that games with
[00:52:44] ratings in them tend to be games that i fucking suck ass at so goddamn hard the the ranking system
[00:52:54] honestly it just makes you have more of the feeling that you're that you had already so if you are
[00:52:59] having a good time you're gonna have more of a good time and if you feel like i'm like i have no
[00:53:05] fucking idea what i'm doing i have no idea how i should be getting better this feels like so like
[00:53:11] this is so inscrutable how am i supposed to remember all these like how how do i remember all these
[00:53:16] combos like what fucking buttons do i press just tell me what buttons to press you need to empty mind
[00:53:20] you not like combos don't exist you just have buttons and vibes i just i don't know i can't get into
[00:53:27] that mindset and thus i already feel like uh i'm bouncing off this game i have no idea what i'm
[00:53:33] supposed to do and then the game is just like by the way you're a worm i'm just like okay thanks
[00:53:40] well here's what we'll do pick your honest rating i'll pick mine and we split the difference i think
[00:53:48] joe i i was about to propose the exact same thing which because i honest rating is f and i think
[00:53:55] your honest rating is going to be s no it's a for me s is like an active mechanic it's got to really
[00:54:03] be juicy and fun whereas like hey this did the accounting at the end in a fun way which is good
[00:54:09] and fun but uh that is not exciting as uh rolling with ivrains you say that but we put level ups where
[00:54:16] they say every single stat change in s which is not an active mechanic however that's so fucking good
[00:54:22] i'm not saying we did that wrong that's crucial information that is being kept from you yes yes
[00:54:26] this is it is correcting and i think it gets bumped from a to s by the existence of level ups where they
[00:54:34] don't tell you anything which is of course an f because you realize how good you really have it i'm
[00:54:39] putting it in c even though technically the average would be d and a half the average of a and f but
[00:54:48] i'm gonna give it i'm gonna round up we're gonna round up because i dig it yeah and it's not i mean
[00:54:53] i get it in theory it's just that in practice every game you get a rating at the end of the level
[00:55:00] is fucking so actually hold up guitar hero dude rock band yeah i was actually about to suggest uh
[00:55:07] the burnout crash mode because they give you medals in that and that's like the perfect yeah moving up
[00:55:11] to just like oh i can do better i can do better i can crash yeah no i'm talking about remembering
[00:55:15] talking about crash mode talking about guitar hero rock band i love games where you get a rating at the
[00:55:20] end of the level i'm putting in today i i got too caught up on bayonetta uh no this is thank you for
[00:55:27] thank you for uh helping me get there all right i think we have a time for one more what's the one
[00:55:33] you want to do next the last one for today we haven't done too much jrpg stuff so i want to i want
[00:55:38] to do that yeah that's cool i'm gonna go with the wagon i was so dragon quiz i was so hoping you'd pick
[00:55:44] the wagon so what is what is the wagon let me tell you folks uh in in dragon quest and in many
[00:55:50] jrpgs you know how like you have your active party members and then there's people that are not with
[00:55:55] you they're like hanging out in town they're in your party but like you have to swap someone
[00:56:00] to to have them like be active otherwise they're just sort of like i'm chilling but i'm not gonna
[00:56:06] fight you know yeah yeah so what that means is every time you want to swap out your party you got
[00:56:10] to go to town whatever uh i forget which dragon quest did this but they introduced the wagon which
[00:56:16] was like you know the people who are not in the fights are just gonna hang out back here yeah when
[00:56:21] you're on uh the fucking world map your little guys are walking and then behind you is a fucking
[00:56:28] covered wagon and that's where your friends who aren't in the party are hanging out and this is the
[00:56:34] critical thing when you have a game like this where you have characters who aren't in the party
[00:56:39] you not only is it annoying to have to always be swapping them go into the swapping spot and
[00:56:45] but also it it introduces like uh what a chore you have to be swapping otherwise you're gonna get
[00:56:54] characters who are way under leveled compared to everyone else because oh these are my friends in
[00:56:59] the party they've been leveling up because they've been having incredible battles uh but uh-oh all the
[00:57:05] guys i didn't use are weak as hell oh and i have to go and do fucking chores and grind them up to
[00:57:11] fucking snuff and it's annoying what happens when you're in a fight and you get experience what happens
[00:57:19] to the people who are in the wagon show they saw it happen dude yeah they get the experience also all
[00:57:25] your shit's in the wagon like your storage is there too which is just nice yes uh and you may be
[00:57:31] thinking like okay if you can just swap people out like doesn't that turn what is an aspect of every
[00:57:37] jrpg which is resource management by that i mean every jrpg is actually about managing mp in a cave
[00:57:43] that's all it is yes can't you just constantly swap people out isn't that kind of stupid especially for
[00:57:48] like story dungeons and stuff uh no because the wagon can't fit in the dungeon you have to leave it
[00:57:55] behind this he's such a fucking like in like i can't like this might be the smartest video game
[00:58:03] design thing that has ever been done which is just like the wagon can't fit through castle doors like
[00:58:10] that like but that's very reasonable yeah i guess it would and also it'd be very rude to just like walk
[00:58:16] your wagon into a palace yes and also it's so smart because like on the fucking uh math screen when you
[00:58:23] have a a you know a random encounter on the overworld that's like people are always talking
[00:58:29] about like jrpg suck because of random encounters they're so annoying and there's no place where
[00:58:33] that's more true than when you're just trying to get somewhere on the overworld screen but on the
[00:58:38] overworld screen you have the wagon so it's actually very easy because everyone is leveling up at the
[00:58:43] same time and also if someone's getting their ass kicked you can swap them out incredibly easily
[00:58:49] with no downside and then all of a sudden there's a new guy who has not gotten his ass kicked and uh
[00:58:55] when you're done with the fight you can heal because you have your wagon full of fucking herbs and shit
[00:59:00] you don't have to put them in your uh inventory for each person where they only can hold like 10 things
[00:59:05] you can hold them all in the fucking wagon and then when you get to a dungeon it's like okay
[00:59:11] now it gets more hard because this is a designed experience as opposed to the overworld which is just a
[00:59:17] big fucking mass of random encounters it's so god i love the wagon also there's a covered wagon behind
[00:59:25] you it's funny looking it is funny it's funny when you have four people doing the jrpg line
[00:59:31] plus a wagon that's quite the train they're literally dragging a wagon uh i think it's dragon
[00:59:37] quests four five and six that have the wagon four is four and five i think are the best ones yeah but
[00:59:44] the first time i think i saw yeah you can't take the wagon in here i was like oh so this game was
[00:59:48] made by like the smartest people that have ever lived yes yes yes it's just like oh it's so intuitive
[00:59:57] it's like when am i able to swap characters easily and freely it's like well when you have the wagon
[01:00:03] it's like well when do i have the wagon it's like well when would you have a wagon and like
[01:00:07] when would you have a wagon when you're not on uh the wrong side of a hole that is too small for
[01:00:13] the wagon like duh nothing more needs to be said it's so oh my god there are so many like game
[01:00:21] mechanics that they just have to explain to you fully in sort of like you know the game terms like
[01:00:27] uh this will the light attack gives you but then it's like it's it's so abstract and it's impossible
[01:00:34] to remember and it's so like such a headache to like try to grasp what they're trying to tell you
[01:00:39] what all the exceptions to this rule are and what it all means again i one of the smartest game design
[01:00:46] decisions ever is just the wagon like everything you think is the wagon's gonna do based on like
[01:00:52] have you seen a wagon before the worst that's how it works what tier are we feeling for the wagon
[01:00:59] a or s dude i'm i was gonna say s just because i it's so let's let's do it and also being that it
[01:01:09] is a dragon quest mechanic it occurs in games where you level up and they say every single set change
[01:01:17] which as we know is an s tier mechanic and uh so i feel like it's getting it's catching some shine off
[01:01:23] of that yeah the wagon is definitely an s hell yeah oh i love this so i feel like we've really
[01:01:31] said some incredibly smart things that cannot be uh argued with today do you agree big agree yeah
[01:01:40] the wagon is so fucking good i want to play dragon quest 5 again god damn that's all the time we have
[01:01:47] for anime sickos uh we have i think 12 more mechanics left yeah the uh the list is really short
[01:01:52] we did not make a really big list the list is actually small and uh so i think maybe just one
[01:01:57] more and we'll get to the end of the list um yeah definitely just like one more because
[01:02:03] if i'm counting um there's only like a couple dozen left um because it's a short list anyway that's all
[01:02:10] i've been tom and anime sicko i've been joe and anime sicko we'll see you next time bye bye
[01:02:15] bye thank you for listening to anime sickos i've been tom a sicko you can follow me on twitter at
[01:02:23] tom harrison 19 joe was also a sicko you can follow him on twitter at sharia uncle you can follow anime
[01:02:29] sickos on twitter at anime sickos or email us at anime sickos at gmail.com please leave us a review
[01:02:36] or something i don't know tell a friend anyway until next time bye
[01:02:41] bye