213: The Sickos Talk Resident Evil 4

[00:00:00] Behold, a cold open.

[00:00:30] Also, like, congrats. It sucks. You win. You were correct. Just, yeah, I mean, fuck, man. I don't know. I'm just trying to stay sane. Yeah. It's not. Here's the thing about everything and life is that the shit that's happening is, like, so bad. Like, I see the stuff.

[00:00:56] I see how it is and it makes it difficult to go to bed at night. The fucking, like, not wanting to post the joke. My image of that was like, hey, Joe, this bag of scorpions has a mint at the bottom. I bet you can just get it. Also, people don't get jokes on Blue Sky. There's 22 million people and the ones that aren't sex spots are just people who, like,

[00:01:22] I don't understand what this verb is referring to in your joke. Can you please show me a diagram? There was. You did a joke that was like, I hate it when I am being combo'd. I was just thinking about how Devil May Cry is so fucking funny because it was, it's the game where you can uppercut, like, a big spider and shoot him with your deagles for an hour. And the deagles do no damage, but also they still suspend the guy. Yeah.

[00:01:48] And I just thought, like, oh, it sucks when I leave the house and I am hit with a rising sword upper that launches me into the air. And then I am suspended by the repeated firing of two deagles, which never run out of ammo, now, which obviously, uh, hilarious, doesn't happen to me. Like, like, uh, uh, I had two replies that made me want to just, like, gouge my eyes out. One was like, is this something that happened to you or something in a video game?

[00:02:14] Are you like, uh, I wanted to just be like, I'm going to be honest. It's a huge impact on my quality of life. Uh, it sucks because I'm late for everything because I'm getting air juggled for an hour before I leave for any task. Uh, and the other one was just like, I wish my problems were so unreal, which is, is a perfect example of just like someone just like going post to post and like freaking out. Like, why aren't you freaking out about what's happening? And it's like, oh, I'm doing that plenty.

[00:02:44] It's just, it's not done by replying in every post that I see like a freak. Uh, I'm not like, why aren't you yelling more? It's like, we know why the yelling will occur. What is the purpose of like, hey, are we all bearing witness but not doing anything? Yeah. I couldn't believe that one. Absolutely. So like there are a million posts replying to that, uh, to that joke, missing the fucking

[00:03:13] humor entirely. Whatever. That one like triggered me big time. It's so cartoonish because it's like, if you, like, like the physics of it are like Looney Tunes shit. It's just like so obviously stupid. What someone taking issue with it is I was in a bad mood and I didn't appreciate that I was forced to look at this joke. Yeah. Which is fine. But like, what the fuck? Like, I mean, the thing that killed me was that like, I wish my problems were so unreal.

[00:03:41] I don't know a single human being who has more and realer problems than you, Joe. Like, how dare you, random poster? Yeah. Uh, my personal update and I think I've, I was going to send out a newsletter. Uh, I was going to call it, uh, uh, where's your jet at? Which is a total ripoff of Ed Zitron's newsletter. Uh, called where's your ad at? Uh, which this is not an endorsement of it.

[00:04:08] I just like him because he's the only person who's consistently been like, here's why AI is like bullshit. He's very good at communicating that aspect of it. So like where I'm at is, uh, I have a bone impingement. I have a bump on my bone, uh, my hip joint, uh, which, uh, snags on like my internal guts and sucks, uh, because it's like snagging on itself. This is now made worse by the fact that, uh, an MRI to, uh, the second one confirmed.

[00:04:35] I have a labral tear, which is, you only get that if you're really good at fucking. Uh, and I got that. Um, and the issue with it is the surgical option. Uh, uh, I think it's blue, I believe it's called a hip scope or a bone scope, which is where they would sort of saw off the bump in my bone. Uh, which is although not like a small surgery, a something that's done all the time, right?

[00:04:58] The issue is because I have this tear, it's very likely that the surgery would not stick super well. Like you are, you are introducing changes to something that's not structurally sound. Uh, and we're looking at a six or nine month recovery, uh, anyway. So like if it's going to shit out in four years, that's no good. So my, my path forward, uh, is I just am doing intense physical therapy and only that for six months with cortisone shots.

[00:05:28] And I'm just like rebuilding my body, which, uh, is doable. Uh, it's just, it does suck that when I started this, I was like, well, there is a surgical option, like waiting for me. It's like, this doesn't pan out. Yeah. Now that that's off the table that I, obviously that was a bit of a morale shaker. Um, uh, not that I was like very excited to get surgery, period, but just the fact that it existed, uh, as an option was, it was sort of comforting.

[00:05:56] So right now it just sort of like with regards to everything that's happening in the world, in this country, uh, it just feels like I, like you're playing age of empires and you're really fucking losing. And the other guy sending his army into your base and it's, everything is just getting burned the fuck down. And you're like, Oh, you know what I got? I got a plan. Hey, two villagers build an arrow tower. We're going to turn this shit around. And I just feel like the hip is like the two villagers. Like I'm going to fix this.

[00:06:26] And, and to be clear, it has to happen. I'm not saying I'm not fully invested in this, this, this, this process. It's just, Oh no, here, just don't look outside. Speaking of not looking outside. I mean, we're not going to like be closed off to the realities of what's happening because the realities are going to open the door and, and intrude on our lives. What can we say other than it sucks?

[00:06:54] We are also not a fan of, uh, we are, we are tied to the tricks too. Do not expect there to be a topical Trump admin critiquing anime sickos episodes, because what would that fucking do for any of us? It would not give you any insights you do not already have. And it would simply cause us to immerse our brain in the pain dimension for longer. If you want to know our take on the, the news of the day, listen to our episodes from

[00:07:23] fucking four years ago and imagine we're talking twice as loud. I feel like our, our tag on it with Cohen was pretty, it was pretty good, which was just like, Oh, it's going to be bad. Yeah. Uh, and I, I feel like that was, uh, kind of where we're, uh, at and, uh, so far we have been, not that it was a hard call, but yeah, where it's, it's been happening like that. Yep. And like the, uh, the, I understand that if you want to do podcast best practices, you

[00:07:52] should talk about the events of the day. However, what is the point of anime sickos, but for, uh, it should be non-optimized. It should be for no one. You know what? We're taking this to ham radio. It's for us. What it is, is it's like a fucking like rest home for elder millennial idiots. It's us. This is a little fucking like active, like a busy board that we have so that we, uh, don't get early on to stay limber. I practice my references. It's all very important to my development.

[00:08:22] Uh, yeah, it's just, I, I, I've had this conversation with M, uh, previous guest though, and very, very good friend of mine. I think this was probably during the first term. Uh, but we were just talking about how like anything explicitly political satire ages immediately and looks like shit. It just like, even if it's correct, it's just like, I don't even want to look at this. Uh, the idea that like, if I show me a clip from the daily show about Bush and it's like

[00:08:51] everything that is being made fun of is correct. But like, it pisses me off. Cause it's like, you'd still won. Yeah. The satire, satire has an inherent smugness because the whole point is there was something they're trying to hide and I have uncovered it and this is going to be a problem for them. Well, there's nothing hidden and there is no problem. Yeah. And it's not to say no politics, but the specific comparison we had was like, look, let's just

[00:09:20] just compare something topical that sucks with SNL to just like, uh, the banana suit sketch from, I think you should leave. And the irony there is that even though the purpose of the banana suit sketch is just jokes, it's just goofs. Uh, it becomes a visual shorthand for like this guy is being a huge, stupid hypocrite, which is ironically like more useful than satire actually. Yes.

[00:09:47] It is art created in an environment and thus it reflects the environment it was created in, uh, better than, I mean, it's especially with fucking Trump, like the whole Trump shit, it's so fucking prescribed. He's always doing the same thing. He's as evil as he's ever been and he is an evil in a very boring way. Every sort of Trump based thing is half finished already.

[00:10:10] Like there's, there's no, there's nothing to do there other than be like, ah, no, which is also why specifically we're talking about like, like, do I have to make something or like produce something that touches on this? And the, the magical line that Em said, which I, I think I'll take forever is just like, it's honestly braver just to put on the banana suit.

[00:10:36] And that has really stuck with me because it is, it's just like, like, uh, we have to rank all the game mechanics. Uh, it's, we've been put on this earth for it. That is not a dereliction of the larger humanity. Uh, that is, uh, we are currently experiencing. We still are going to put on the banana suit is my take. Yes. You know, some people might say you're cowards for not taking on.

[00:11:01] Well, yes, your cowards were not taking on the political reality head on with your art. But on the other hand, a genius would say that it's actually the most noble thing you can do on the first week of the most evil fascist regime in modern American history to talk about Resident Evil 4. What about diagonal fireballs? Yeah, exactly. Resident Evil 4. Uh, we're going to, see, this is going to be comfort food.

[00:11:30] It's going to, we're going to actually start the show proper, but you're about to experience chicken soup for the sicko soul. We're going to have a, a, a, a nothing special yamming about the most video game, video game of all time. And one Tom recently played through the remake of Resident Evil 4. Resident Evil 4. Let's do it. Let's begin the show proper.

[00:11:54] Hello everyone. Welcome to Anime Sickos.

[00:12:21] It's the podcast for geniuses and the only podcast beginning now in earnest. On Anime Sickos, we talk about the four pillars of modern misery, anime, gaming, posting, and jobs. Uh, I am Tom, and Anime Sicko. I am Joe, and Anime Sicko. We have three great patrons to thank who have given us money since our last episode. The first is Dave Lartigue. Thank you, Dave. We love you and your money equally. Yeah. Uh, we're going to need it for the tariffs.

[00:12:50] Our next is, fucking Christ. Uh, our next, oh shit. I, I completely undid the whole thing that we talked about. I betrayed it all and made myself feel bad. Our next patron is Derek McNelly. Thank you, Derek. Thank you, Derek. It's, oh, our next patron is from fucking Deadwood because it's Hoople. A dang old Hoople head. Thank you, Hoople, for your five Deadwood dollars.

[00:13:19] I, I don't think we talked about this on the Deadwood episode. I want to take a very brief aside to talk about this because it's so fucking funny. Soap guy? Well, no. Well, maybe. You, you, wait till I say what I'm going to say and then you can talk about soap guy. They call idiots Hoople heads on Deadwood all the time. And I thought that's, I heard it and I was like, for sure that's some old west shit. They definitely said no. It was made fucking up for Deadwood. I can't believe it.

[00:13:48] It sounds so real. Anyway, tell me about the soap guy. Oh, we were talking about Deadwood dollars, $5. I was just thinking in the first episode of Deadwood, uh, they get to camp and there's the guy who's like, I found a $5 prize in this bar of soap from this cellar over down yonder. And then Bullock is just like, I've actually never been more upset with another human being in my life. And if you stay here for a longer moment, they won't find the body. Goodbye.

[00:14:19] It's like when he whispers. If he's angry at Al and it's like fighting Al to the death, he's not as angry as he is to the soap guy who's running the like free prize in my soap grift. Insane. There is absolutely worse grifts happening like around him. Like slavery. Yes. Yes. A thousand percent. Um, oh my God. Well, I, I, a Resident Evil 4 show. Here's the thing about Resident Evil 4. I played it.

[00:14:49] I hadn't before because when I, uh, when it came out, I was like 15 and I went to GameStop or perhaps EB Games. I think they were later conflated into one entity. And I said, Resident Evil 4, please. Because I had a GameCube. It was my only system. And I knew that that was the hot GameCube game. Um, the guy said. It was the hot GameCube game. And not only that, do you remember how GameCube was for little baby children?

[00:15:14] And this was the game that was, uh, for tough dudes with balls. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And who had beautiful, uh, flippy hair. Uh, I had a friend in college who went to the barber with a picture of Leon and says, give me this. And can you imagine? It did not work out. Um, I just don't think that haircut can exist in, in meat space. Anyway, I asked the guy, I'd like to buy this Resident Evil 4, please. He said, is there proof you're 17?

[00:15:44] I said, you fucking care about that? I didn't think, what? Um, and so I didn't buy it. And then I didn't play it. I'd ever played it. And I finally played it for the first time, like, uh, a couple months ago. Then I played the remake from, I think, two or one or two, three years ago. So I've played them both. So my take on Resident Evil 4, and I've played the original and its original ports many times because it got put on everything.

[00:16:12] Uh, just, and I think I've played it basically on everything. The Wii release was actually pretty fun. Oh, I imagine it would be with the pointer controls? Yeah, yeah. Uh, so my take on Resident Evil 4 is that there is that Simpsons episode where Bart is like, I want this video game, Mom. It's called Bone Storm. And the, it's like a parody of video games. It is like, uh, it's supposed to be like Mortal Kombat-esque, but it is like everything that is supposed to be cool about a video game, like, you know, as the joke.

[00:16:41] Yeah, and you, you, Milhouse plays it and like his hair is blown back and like the sheer power of it overwhelms the room. Correct. Resident Evil 4 is that game that happened. They did it. Yeah. Uh, they knocked it out of the park. It's, uh, it's just a wonderful ride. I get scared of everything. I do not like survival horror games because it's just stressful. It just is.

[00:17:10] For that reason, uh, I've had friends play the Resident Evil games, but I never sat down and played them. Um, I never liked the third person tank shit. Uh, I know why you do that. In the original games, you had like a kind of isometric view. Uh, so it made controlling the person like a little challenging because you were like moving relative to perspective and it just made sure you had to actually think about what you're doing as you get chased down a hall or something. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:17:36] And it made, it made like a single shambling guy who moves in a straight line very slowly actually a threat because like you, you're walking the same way. Like what if you decide to turn 320 degrees instead of the shorter way? You're dead. Uh, Resident Evil 4, they were just like, that shit's stupid. Like you're a cool guy. You shoot everything. Uh, which is not to say it's not scary.

[00:18:04] It's just, you do not have the same feeling of helplessness. The thing about Resident Evil 4 is that I understand that a great deal of artistry and, and innovation and thought and work went into it. However, much like how it's bone storm in real life, Resident Evil 4 feels like just like, like when, when, as soon as the idea of video games got thought up, it just appeared.

[00:18:30] From the platonic realm of concepts, there was capital V video, capital G games and its shadow is Resident Evil 4. If you ask a random person who hasn't played video games before, like what do you think a video game is? And it's like, I bet you're blasted zombies. Yeah. I bet you go on a jet ski.

[00:18:57] Um, I bet like the monster gets you. Yeah. Yeah. There's a maze. Scary dogs. What am I trying to say? I played the original cause I, I, you know, I wanted to buy the remake cause everyone was saying how great it was, but I'm like, I know I need to play the original first. I feel so bad that that one speed bump at GameStop prevented me from playing this ever. So I got to catch up. And I've been playing since we got the Amber Nix.

[00:19:25] I've been catching up on a lot of old classics. I've, I've played all the dragon quests and final fantasies that I hadn't played yet. Um, just like, you know, for historical purposes, you know, to, to educate myself. I know that there are like more, uh, funner games with more, uh, easier quality of life out there today with better graphics. But like, I want to see where we've come from. You know, I'm a, I'm a scholar. We didn't need better graphics. Like it was like whatever you needed to get to Resident Evil 4. Yeah.

[00:19:55] Shut off the computers then. Like no more. Like I went into Resident Evil 4 expecting to think of it in that way. And it's like, this game is better than from now. Like this is as like, this is still, there's no fat on the design. Like, like it is, I think one of the reason PS2 and early games feel so clunky is because in addition to 3D space, you have clunky, maybe movement or whatever.

[00:20:22] And clunky, there's, it's just, everything is so crisp. Uh, it does not feel aged. Yes. It feels like, uh, like you remember people when they talk about Ocarina of Time now or like, it's a classic. Oh, but you do have to understand the combat's a little simple, but don't, don't judge it on that. You have to understand that this is the game that, that invented lock on in 3D space. What an incredible innovation. I mean, like that was, you gotta give them credit for that.

[00:20:51] And yeah, the world is small and empty, but like, you have to understand that this is the game that invented having a big open world to go around in for your adventure. I mean, like that's, you gotta give them credit for that. Resident Evil 4. Like, again, like, I can't believe this invented the third person shooter because it's still the best one by fucking far. And it doesn't feel new.

[00:21:17] It feels like this is how games, like, this is how it was always supposed to be. Because you often shoot shambling zombies. I know there's fast guys. Don't, shut up. I know there's fast guys, but generally you have the shamblers. The third person makes it so when like, there are two of them are coming at you down a hall slowly. You kind of have like a little more time to line up a headshot. You feel like a cool guy. You know what I mean? It's, it's just everything.

[00:21:45] Everything about zombies just like fits into the third person shooter perfectly because it's just, you're, you're lining up headshots anyway. Why not put a fun coat of paint on it? Also, here's some, here's a mechanic that we need to put on our list of mechanics to rank in a tier list because I think it's at least a B or an A. This is an insane thing that it feels like after like 10 years of establishing the third

[00:22:12] person shooter convention, somebody would think of this as an extra piece of polish to put on the standard template. But the fact that the zombies throw farm equipment at you and because it's third person and it's just flying in the air, you can just shoot it down and the things don't hit you. It's like House of the Dead shit. I love it. Oh, like fucking. And the fact that there's the, the, the, the dynamite zombies. And if you shoot the dynamite in their hand, they just fucking blow up.

[00:22:42] Like what the, what the fuck? Also, here's the thing that really makes it great. Cause obviously, you know, what, what, what are you, what are you mostly doing? You're walking in a line and there are going to be guys in front of you going blah. And you shoot them and, and you don't die and they die. And like that, yes, that's most of it. And I mean, that's fine. But the thing that makes this game so good is that you are the guy who fucking kicks. And that's, I mean, talking about not feeling helpless, like part, a big thing, a big, a

[00:23:10] big thing in Resident Evil that's like stuck around from the survival horror days is like you don't have enough bullets. But unlike the old games, running out of bullets isn't that big a deal. Cause you got the foot, you have the foot. And it's, uh, it's like such a ridiculous stomp. Mm-hmm. Uh, and honestly, like it jazzes you up. If I was in a real life situation and I ended a zombie like that, I would start a combo for real. Like I would be so pumped.

[00:23:39] Dude, when you do a kick and like the kick is enough to kill the zombie and the, you, you get the critical kill and their head just explodes. And it's just like, I kicked this fucking Spanish asshole's head so hard. That it went fucking away. His skeleton in theory had the relative strength of a normal guy. So you could like do that to somebody. I, maybe he's decayed more fine, but I just feel like that is generating an insane amount

[00:24:08] of force. I don't think he's decayed more because I mean, this is, they're zombies by any fucking strut. In terms of like gameplay, they're zombies. But like the lore, actually, these are still a living human beings who just have a parasite in their brain. Uh, which is to say you kill RFK Jr. 1000 times in Resident Evil 4. Another reason it's great. Um, he doesn't want you to get the vaccine for the parasite. Oh my God.

[00:24:34] And it's always fun because like, at least in the original, maybe they changed how this worked in the remake. It's, there's always like a chance that one of the random shamblers also had a bonus worm in it. Yes. Yes. No, that, that, that, it's exactly the same in both versions where, uh, in the first like quarter of the game, the zombies are just, you know, shambling zombies.

[00:24:58] Uh, and then there's one scripted one who you shoot their head off and you're like, I've done it. And then a second, like a big worm with a knife on the end wiggles out of their head and going starts wiggling around and you've got to kill that one. And then from then on, every zombie has like a flat chance to have a worm come out of their head, need to get killed a second time. It's so cool.

[00:25:24] It's just, I mean like the, the only tension that the game can put on you because you're so fucking bad-ass is just pure numbers. And the fact that at any time, instead of the number of zombies going down by one, it stays the same, but they get stronger. It's just like, Oh my God, I love it. We got to talk about how this is fucking Spain, dude. That's the funniest thing of all time. I can't believe they chose that. To be honest, I know the location is Spain.

[00:25:53] I, I've played this game many times. Gun to my head. I could not tell you what the story is other than, uh, you get to an ookie monster at the end. Maybe it's a guy who injects himself with something and because he's like, I'm going to take it to the next level. And then he does it or something. Um, it doesn't matter. It, the story reminds me of like a movie you've seen a hundred times and then it's like on TV and you're like, Oh, this is the maze part. Yes. Yes.

[00:26:22] I mean, part of the, there's, there's a quote from the original, uh, director about the remake. And, uh, they're asking him like, what do you think about the changes they made? Are you upset about the changes? And he's like, Oh my God, no. Oh, I love that. They actually fucking filled out this story. I wrote in two weeks. Like there's like, there's no story to four. The thing about it being in Spain that's so funny is because the first one was in a spooky

[00:26:48] haunted house and the second and third one were in, uh, a raccoon city in the midst of a big zombie outbreak where it's basically apocalypse. Um, and in this one, you just go to my in-laws, uh, you go to my in-laws house and all the people who work at the grocery store want to kill you with a fucking pitchfork. And these talk in Spanish is another thing that's very funny is that like the actual like

[00:27:17] location, uh, like such a place I don't think exists in Spain because one, it's raining the entire time, uh, two, there is a giant lake that has a monster in it. Three, it's right next to the ocean. And four, there's a huge island like a hundred meters from the mainland. And like, I don't think that exists anywhere. But is it Catholic?

[00:27:42] So there's the big famous set piece at the beginning where you go into the village and you're in the village square and there's like 100 zombies or rather people. You think they're just people. You don't even know that there's zombies yet. And they all turn to you like fucking monsters and go, and like try to kill you. And you've got to survive for three minutes.

[00:28:06] The only reason you don't die is because the church bell rings and they got to go to mass. And I thought that would be, I thought it would be like animorphs where like the parasites need to like go into like the pool to drink their juice. They need to be Catholic a little bit. Like they need the wafer. Yes. It's straight up is like, there's never, it's never explained that there's a thing they need to go to. And it's like, I think it's just mass.

[00:28:34] It's not even them reacting to specifically a loud sound because you're shooting them. It's, it's the Spanish brain must go to mass. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's left of it. And they, yeah. Cause they're, they're all fucked up. They all got the mind control. So here's how you win the game. You shoot the zombie in the head. The zombie staggers. You run up to this motherfucker. You do the kick. The kick knocks him down.

[00:29:02] You then take your knife and you knife the guy while he's on the ground till he's dead. And then you win the game. I was pleased to find out that in the remake, they, they removed just the methodical process of what you're describing, because it is really like that. Like once you're like, shoot, punch knife, like, it's just like doing a dance. It's not if a fight anymore. It's sort of removes a little bit of the, the, the feel of the game.

[00:29:29] It's like how when I played through splinter cell in the co-op mode and it's just like, we beat the whole game because all you have to do is one guy is on one side of the door and the other guy is on the other side of the door and he just goes, knock, knock, knock. And then he turns and the other guy knifes him and you just do that forever. It's the same thing in that. It's like, what is optimal is kind of clunky, but it works. You're telling me they, uh, they acknowledge that is not ideal. Well, I don't know if I would say it's not ideal because I think it kind of whips ass

[00:29:58] to do in the original, but they did change it in the remake because they wanted to, they wanted to beef up the combat system and add more depth to it, which they did. And you can only do that if, if, if you can't just do what I described. So basically, uh, in addition to there being a crit chance, which I think there always is in resident evil, um, there's like a stagger chance in addition. So like you can have a shot, uh, to the enemy's head and there's only a chance for it to stagger them.

[00:30:28] And it's only when they're staggered that you can go and do the big fucking Leon Kennedy kick. You can become Leon kickity and, uh, which is the most fun shit in the universe. Uh, and I didn't know this at the beginning and I thought like the game was broken because I shot a zombie in the head. You're just trying to do the, the normal combo. Yeah. I shot a zombie in the head like four times and I'm like, this game's broken. Uh, I also think that the stagger chance goes down the hard, harder the difficulty is, but here's how they make up for it. When you do get a stagger, obviously you can kick.

[00:30:58] Yeah. Uh, but if you approach the back of the enemy and hit the melee button, instead of doing a kick, you do a wrestling suplex to them. And when you do a wrestling suplex that explodes the head, oh, oh. Oh, that's awesome on merits. It's also fun because like behind takedowns are usually like done. So you like, I'm going to quick do this. So other people don't see me.

[00:31:28] And it's just like, we're fucking getting them up into position. Drop the hammer. Yes. And also it's so wild that they put that in because like there's no reason that you would approach the back of an enemy instead of the front. The only real reason it happens if you're not trying to do it to be funny is if like, you know, for some reason, like the enemy was turning and when the stagger happened, like

[00:31:55] their momentum ended up with their back to you. And it just happens to be that way. And then you do see the fuck, like when I first saw the suplex, I couldn't like, again, I thought that like maybe I am like so high on gamer juice that I'm hallucinating what I want to see. You put in your own move list. Yeah, that they just do it. They just put it in, dude.

[00:32:22] So here's the thing about Resident Evil 4 is that you have a briefcase where you do a little game. You do Tetris in your briefcase. It's so funny. Tetris, Tetris, calling it Tetris is a little flattering. It's like the shape matching puzzles my son has. It's fun though because it's, we've bitched on the show before about like having a finite inventory does suck, generally speaking.

[00:32:53] That doesn't apply to when it's like a little fun, I don't know, etch-a-sketch thing. And then you're just plugging in items into your briefcase. But rather than just have like, you have three slots in your backpack or whatever, you have to physically maneuver and rotate things in your attach case, your little briefcase, which is just like a little bit more of a game. Yeah.

[00:33:19] It just really gets like the, my hamster mind going just a little. It also, it's solves the problem of hoarding because you might hoard stuff in a game like this and thus undo a lot of the tension, which is intended to be felt.

[00:33:39] But when I have a lot of stuff, I become like the most free and liberal user of fucking grenades and what have you in the entire universe. Because I know that if I don't, the most awful experience of my life is going to occur, which is I find some magnum bullets and it's just like, you can't pick those up. It's like, I want, I want, I want to pick up the magnum bullets, Joe. I'm going to do it.

[00:34:06] So I guess I'll use a fucking fire grenade against these three normal zombies who I could kill easily with three bullets. Actually one bullet, because the thing about your kick is that it's such a wide ranging kick that you just got to kick one zombie and they all get hit. It's the fist of the North Star thing. The force travels through all of them killing them. Yes. Oh God. I love it. So here's the one thing. So I'm going to, I'm going to talk more about specifics.

[00:34:34] But in general, the remake is like really, really good. Like it honors the original, improves on it in a lot of ways. And it's worth playing. Even if you've played the original a million times, like it's different enough and good enough that you should play it anyway. But the one place where it absolutely pales in comparison is the briefcase. And I'll tell you why. Two reasons.

[00:35:00] One, it just gives you less ammo in general because it has sort of like the AI director that like... It's dynamic. It's going to make sure you're exactly out or always about to be out. Yes, exactly. It gives you ammo based on what you're low on and what you have been using.

[00:35:26] As a result, like if you run out of shotgun ammo really early, guess what, buddy? You're never going to have shotgun ammo again. At least not in this way that matters. Like you'll get three shells and then you'll use those three shells and you'll be back. Like increasing the clip size of the shotgun is like such a fucking cruel joke in Resident Evil 4 remake because you will never have... You will never meet the clip size.

[00:35:53] Like there is no reloading the shotgun at all. That doesn't fucking happen. But the fucking downside of that is the shit that was taking up all your space in the original was ammo. So like you're never out of space. Like you never have that hard choice where you're like, is there some way I can orient these to squeeze in a little bit more? Like what do I get rid of to fit this other thing? Because you're never fucking full.

[00:36:22] And second, this I really feel like is... This is like AI at work. I mean, it's not AI, but it is AI in the same way that it like takes joy from us and gives it to the computer who can't even appreciate it. Like there's just an organized briefcase button that you press and it puts everything in rows. That's for JRPGs, not briefcase games. That's not okay. That's not okay. I couldn't believe it. And here's the thing.

[00:36:51] You might say just don't use it. It's just like they say. If there's an optimal strategy, gamers will use it even if it's not fun. I did. I say I couldn't resist. I just pressed one button and everything's organized. It felt gross. Let's talk about some boss design. Specifically the giant. One of the enemies is just like a guy. Like he's as big as a house. Yeah. He just comes at you.

[00:37:19] They explain like, what is this parasite? And like, well, the parasite, it makes people mind controlled. And so the guy with the master parasite has slaves, mind slaves. And it's like, that makes sense. It's like, also sometimes it makes you get huge. And like, there's this guy who's huge. He's not the only one. There's two giants.

[00:37:43] It's the big brain move from Sekiro, which is just like, oh, you've just killed that ape. There's another one. Yep. Well, it's because at first there's a giant fight where it's just like in the middle of some fucking canyon in the village. And then like later you're in like a smelting plant or something. You're in some fucking industrial ass building. And there's a room that has a door on the bottom with lava under it that you can open.

[00:38:11] And that's when you fight two of them at the same time. And then, oh, you could put one of them in the lava and they go, no. And I thought that for sure that you would have a scenario where you think you win and then a hand comes out of the lava. No, the lava straight up kills them instantly. And it's so satisfying. What was your most used weapon? Just the regular old handgun?

[00:38:34] Regular fucking handgun because you get the super upgrade on it and it says that crit chance times five. Dude, crit chance times five is incredible. You become the funky headhunter. Like they just explode, dude. But obviously you've got to love the shotgun, the rifle rules. That's the other thing. The guns all fucking whip ass and all have laser sights. There's not too many of them.

[00:39:04] Like it's just you got your shotgun, you got a rifle, you got whatever. They're hitting all the major types fucking fine. You don't need a goofy weapon. You need a regular dependable shotgun in Spain. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You kill all these people. All these. Oh, talking about Spain. Got to talk about how in the original. I don't know how they pulled this off. Because like it's not as the.

[00:39:33] When you localize a Japanese game, especially before sort of Japanese soft power and cultural exports had made learning Japanese something a lot of weebs wanted to do. When it. Before there were not a lot of people who spoke Japanese who wanted to translate video games. So they were not putting a ton of effort into it. So a lot of these translations had awkward and bad fucking stuff in them. That's not the case now. The translation of Japanese to English is great.

[00:40:03] What is very fucking funny is that in the original. And I don't know how they did this. Because you learn Spanish in school. The Spanish is all fucked up. For example. Well, I mean this has nothing to do with the localization. This is just the plot. Which is very fucking funny. They send Leon on a mission to Spain. To find the president's daughter. And he doesn't speak Spanish. He never attempts it. And when people speak Spanish to him, he looks like he. Like he'd never heard of languages. He's like.

[00:40:33] Like the parasite is making them talk funny talk. But. Like the. The. The cult. That is the parasite people. Is Los Illuminados. Now Joe, you may know from. Being a living human. That Los means the. Plural version. But the game. Every single time. Without fail. Calls them the Los Illuminados. Oh. Hell yeah. Even like Luis. Who is.

[00:41:02] Ostensibly a Spaniard himself. Calls them the Los Illuminados. It's so fucking funny. Did you learn stuff about Spain? That you didn't know? Playing through this? Yeah. I learned that. Old ladies. With. Fucking scarves. Tied around their heads. Love to throw dynamite at you. Um. I learned that. When you put a burlap sack. Over a Spaniard's head. Uh. Their HP goes way way up.

[00:41:32] Uh. That. Oh. Oh. Also. Talk about like. Third person view. At it's. At it's most. Impactful. When the burlap sack. Uh. Chainsaw guys. Get you. Uh. It doesn't fade to. To black. Yeah. No. It's harrowing. Uh. It's like. It's gonna turn the game off now. Like. I'm dead. Dead. It's like. Leon. Like. Like. It feels like you saw. A fucking ISIS video. Like. Like. Leon's head got. Cut.

[00:42:02] Off. Yeah. It lasts for. You saw it all happen. Too long. And when it ends. You're like. Just. It was like. Twice. As long as it should have been. It really makes you know. You have to prioritize. The burlap sack. Another thing I learned about Spain. Is that. If you give a fishy. A parasite. It gets huge. Um. That is a stupid boss. I love the giants. Because they're. Just big. Huge guys. But like. The fishy.

[00:42:32] You're in a boat. And you just like. Look in the bottom. And you notice like. Oh. I have. Times. Infinity symbol. Spears. And you just throw spears at the fishy. Uh. They didn't really fix that for the remake. That also is a crappy boss fight. The game always struck me. And it's not a rail shooter. But it might as well be. Yes. Yes. It's very linear. Uh. And that's to its benefit. Because you get these little. Uh. Curated set pieces.

[00:43:02] Like. Like. I recall specific rooms. And like. The layout of the room. Is like. Memorable in the way that like. Like. The creativity of the shooting gallery. In that room. Because it's all shooting gallery. Like. That fucking part. Where you gotta go up the castle. And they're shooting. Catapults at you. Like. God. That's gorgeous. He's really having a bad day. He really is. Joe. Can we talk about. Let's talk about the. Ashley. The president's daughter. You have to.

[00:43:33] Escort. Through the game. And originally. When this game came out. It came out in a period of time. 2005. I believe. Where. Uh. Everyone hated women. More so. I mean. They still do. Don't let me wrong. Um. But I remember hearing. Before I played it. Like. Ashley is the part that sucks. I hate Ashley. I wish I could kill Ashley. I thought Ashley was fine. Dude. What do you think about Ashley? It's like an escort part. Right? No. Not an escort part. Like. Is she tagging behind you.

[00:44:03] Or when you're just using. Or when. You're just controlling her. To solve puzzles. No. She's behind you. For like a big part of it. That's what I thought. It's. As far as escort. Mission type things go. It's not even like. The most egregious. It's. It's. It's pretty. Like. Tight. Like. It hangs together well. She will. Stand still. If you tell her to. If you like. Stand here Ashley. And like. Like. It's true. Like.

[00:44:32] It works. Yeah. I think the thing. Behind a lot of it. Is. That. She has a very. Small. In the original. A very small pool. Of recorded voice lines. For. Her. I'm in distress. State. So. People would get pissed. And also because. You know. People hate. Women's voices. They hate the sound. That's. Sort of an observed. Phenomenon. So. You hear the same.

[00:45:03] Exact. Recording. The woman's voice. One hundred times. And each time you hear it. It tells you to. Take your focus off. What you're focusing on. And focus on something else. That makes. Dumber. People upset. I thought it was fine. And in the. In the remake. You can tell. That they put. So much. Of their time. Into like. Getting in front of people. Who wanted to complain. Of Ashley. Ashley. Like. They expanded the story.

[00:45:32] And fleshed it out. In a lot of ways. And most. A huge amount. Of that. Is. Fleshing out. Ashley's character. And like. Her journey. And. Her relationship. With Leon. So it's not so. You know. When it's. As bare bones. As it was. Originally. It becomes easy. For a. A person. To get pissed. Because they only see. Ashley. As the. Stupid thing. I have to escort. With the annoying. Voice.

[00:46:02] And in some way. It's like. I don't know. It feels like. I want. I have the. Impulse. To be like. Have the more. Have courage. Of your conviction. Stop hedging. So much. Doing everything. You can. To get in front. Of the. Imagined. Haters. But on the other hand. No. That's probably. The right thing to do. Because. I mean. I'm like. Yakuza 7. And I have to hear. Him say. Itchy. So itchy. After every fight. And like. That. Made me. Like. Like. Fuck you. I like this character. And eat shit.

[00:46:33] Let alone. Someone who's like. Looking for reasons. To be pissed. At baseline. Oh. Here's another thing. That they changed. About Ashley. That made her a lot more. Quality of life. Improved a lot. Was that. Ashley. Had a health bar. And like. When zombies. Went to get her. She would like. Take damage. And you would have to. Give her herbs. Out of your briefcase. To keep her from dying. In one hit. Next time. In the remake. When Ashley gets hurt. She just sort of like. Kneels.

[00:47:02] And is in a. Like. Help me state. Where she can't move. Unless you go up to her. And trigger the animation. Of you helping her get up. So she can't die. It's just that like. When she gets down. Yeah. When she's in that state. It's really easy. The hell zone. Uh. I also think that's so fucking funny. That like. If a zombie could carry Ashley out. A door. Like a doorway. Game over. And it's like. I can't. Like. I just came through that door.

[00:47:31] Like I can follow. They've been killing me though. Like. They have not taken me through a door. They have mostly just ripped me apart. One thing that got me every single time. Is like. So you. There are like. Barrels and boxes in the game. That you. Open with your knife. And they have goodies inside them sometimes. And. Sometimes you have. You find treasures. And these can be like. Statues and stuff. Like. There's like a statue. A cat. You put like. Gems in its eye sockets. To make it more expensive.

[00:48:02] Every once in a while. You open up. A box. And there's a snake in it. And you have to. Knife it again. Really fast. Before it bites you. And does damage. Every single time I did that. I thought. Oh. Cool. A snake statue. I thought it was like a treasure. And I picked up. I hit the pick it up button. Then it doesn't pick up. And I'm like. I wonder why. And then the snake bites me in the face. I love it. The Resident Evil games have a long. And proud history of gems and eyes. I think.

[00:48:33] Was it the remake of the second one? That's just like a big part of the puzzle. That's how you open a wing of the mansion. The police station. Which looks like a museum and a mansion. It has a library. It's like a Batman animated series police station. It's very ornate. There's a lot going on. I love that they put in like. Like a fucking file. Like a codex entry. That tries to paper this over. Being like.

[00:49:03] As you know. Uh. This police station used to be Raccoon City Art Museum. It's like. That doesn't. Sorry. Not acceptable. Because no art museum is like this either. I mean like. Imagine you were in the art museum. It's like. If you want to see the impressionists. You have to find. The fucking spade key. And like. Put it in. A. Depression. Depression. Under a statue of a lion. That'll open up the revolving door. And then you can see Van Gogh.

[00:49:32] So I'm glad you said that. Because my other. Uh. Key aspect of Resident Evil 4. And why it's good is like. There were no puzzles. That make me want to turn off the game. When I get to that part. I'm not saying they're all. Like. They're all home runs. But. It's not uncommon for me. When I'm like. Alright. I'm going to play a game. I'm going to replay this. And I think about a part. That I would have to do again. And I'm like. Actually. You know what? I. I. I played it once. I. I just thought about it. That counts. We're good. We don't need to do.

[00:50:01] The fucking box part again. Yeah. Uh. There's. There's not. Resident Evil 4 doesn't have that. Uh. Everything. Goes down pretty smooth. When they have puzzles. They're very self-contained. It's just like. Hey. If you want to get this doodad. Which you need to. You have to fucking solve up. A sliding. Uh. Fucking sliding block puzzle. And it takes two seconds. And you're done. It's not like Resident Evil. The previous. Like the actual survival horrors. Where it was like a point and click adventure.

[00:50:30] Where you would get like. A rubber duck. And you'd be like. What the fuck. And you had to like. Find a different room on the other side of the mansion. Where if you squeak the rubber duck. A crow gets startled. And flies away. And it knocks a key off the branch. It was sitting on. It's like. That's the kind of puzzle that they used to have. That shit's gone. You are not a puzzle solving type of guy. You are Leon Kennedy. The guy who kicks zombies head so hard they explode. Savior of Spain. Savior of Spain. For real. He was.

[00:51:00] That guy was gonna put those little buggies in everyone's head. I gotta talk about. Oh. You know those nude zombies. That you need to use heat vision to kill. Oh. Because they're invisible. No. They're visible. They're just new. Inside of them are like. The core. And like. They only take damage if you shoot the core. If you. And so you have to have the heat vision to find the core. But. In their sort of normal state. They're just like. Big. Fat.

[00:51:29] Nude. Wiggly guys. Who sort of like. Wiggle as they walk. And make gross. Mushy footsteps. You don't remember the nude guys. Dude. They're not wearing any clothes. Oh. The rest of the zombies wear clothes. Because they're like guys. These are like. Nude guys. I don't remember nude guys. I remember dogs. I remember so many dogs. Being plagued by dogs. I believe they were. They had the parasite. I don't think they were regular. No. The dogs are definitely fucked up. They really.

[00:51:59] They jacked up the design for the dogs. In the remake. So they look like. They look like werewolf dogs. It looks like if a dog. Got bit by a werewolf. And turned into like a. Like a dog wolf. Oh I remember. Okay. So these guys. The nude guys. The nude guys have the psychotog mouths. I remember these now. Okay. Cool. Yes. Yes. Nude is always a good zombie variety.

[00:52:28] Good way to visually. A designated. A different type of enemy. They made these guys even damper. In the remake. Which sucks. Because like. I don't want to be scared. Like you. In Resident Evil 4. I'm not scared. Because I feel like a strong guy. Who can kill all these guys. With relative ease. But. I got like really scared. By the new. Version. Of the nude zombies. Because one. They really upped the dampness. Like they look. Way.

[00:52:58] Way wetter. I will give you. This is. Joe. I'm going to share with you now. The look of the new. Nude guy. It looks wetter. It looks wigglier. And. Oh. It looks like a wet bag now. Yeah. And. So. You got to like. They have like multiple cores. And you got to shoot them all. And. The way you can do it easily. Is when they're coming right at you. Because it's like a little shooting gallery. And there's like. They're all laid out. Here are the cores. So the thing is.

[00:53:27] When you shoot one. They fall over. And when they're like. Falling over. You can't really get a good angle on them. Because like. Instead of being a big. Broad target. It's all smushed up. Because it's. You know. You're just looking at the head. Really. I would. Ideally. Wait for them to get up. And then shoot the next core. Except. In the remake. When they lie down. They wriggle like a snake. And they look really. Wiggly. And they. And it goes.

[00:53:58] Fucking fast. And they come up to you. And they bite your fucking head. Dude. With their. With their teeth. I thought you were just going to say. The cores. Turn off. Like you can't hurt them. No. No. No. They. They're. They're all there. It's just. It's really hard to get an angle. Because like. They're thin. You know. It's not. You'd think like. Oh. If it's all. If. You know. I'm looking at the head. Like the whole thing is bunched up. Like the. Any shot is going to hit it. But like. No. They're thin. Like you only have like a big target. When they're. Facing up.

[00:54:28] It's. And so scary. And also. You sure aren't going to hit the core. When it's slithering. Because it's going from side to side. Very fast. On the ground. Ew. Yuck. Oh shit. Okay. I got to talk about the best thing. That the remake did. To the combat. So. You can do parries. You can do. Especially. Perfect parries. It kicks ass. The first time I played through it.

[00:54:58] I didn't really do this. I didn't use the parry system. And once I started. Like making an effort to do it. I'm like. Oh my god. You have to. Because they make. All the enemies. Way tougher. In the new version. Like they're all stronger. They all have more health. They all do more damage. And they're much more aggressive. In general. The way. That you can deal with that. Is you fucking parry them. With your knife. And Joe. Remember how I said. You can't just do the. Boom. Hit them in the head.

[00:55:28] They're staggered. Do a kick. When you perfect parry. A zombie. They stagger. Okay. So you can do it. You just got to work for it. A little harder. Mm-hmm. And if you're like. Oh I hate parrying. I'm so bad at it. I can't. I can't get it down. Well guess what. The normal parries. There's a little knife icon. That turns on. During the window. So you. It's. There's no guesswork involved. Like when the icon turns on. Pressing the knife button. Will parry. And it kicks ass.

[00:55:58] Like you see these guys. Coming at you. With the big pitchfork. What are you gonna do? Well you're gonna take your knife out. And fucking. Ding. Move that pitchfork to the side. And then kick them. You're gonna kick them aren't you? It's so fucking good. And also the knife is like. Useful as like a weapon. Beyond just. Slashing. The zombie when it's fallen over. So you don't have to use bullets. For two reasons. One. You just kick ass. You can upgrade it. So it does a bunch of damage. And you swish. Swish really fast. But also. There are two sort of stances.

[00:56:27] You can hold it in. One is the classic slash. You know. Where you do the big. Sweeping whoosh. The other. Is. The stabbing man. And you just go. And stab really fucking fast. Like right in front of you. A million times. And that is so. It's like. To see an old. Old. Spanish man. Get stabbed a hundred times. People say video games. Like oh they are not violent. They don't make people violent. That's a. That's a scapegoat. I don't know dude.

[00:56:57] Next time I visit my in-laws. I'm gonna be trying to stab all these guys. It's the shiv thing. It's about all. As many little stabs as possible. Unbelievable. Yeah. It's so good. It's so good. And. Like when you figure out. How to parry. And like. Remember to do it. It just opens up so much. Like. It's a. It's a. Yet another vector. Where you're not a helpless survival guy. Right. Like you're a cool. Kill mckill. Yeah. And there is sort of like a limit there.

[00:57:27] Because every parry. You do. Reduces the knife's. Durability. And the knife will eventually break. And you got to go to the merchant. To. And you pay him to fix it. And you can upgrade the. Durability. Of the knife. So it takes longer to break. And also I think perfect parries. Do not damage the durability. And so like. You. Can find like little. Disposable knives in the world. So if your main knife breaks. You can find a. A shittier knife. So you're not absolutely. Out of everything. But again it's not.

[00:57:55] It's not a one size fits all solution. Like shooting them in the head once. And kicking them was in the original. Oh shit. We didn't talk about the bugs. There's a whole part about bugs. Yes. That's the guy who was invisible. The bugs are fucking. I hate them. I. They're so gross. These are the most tedious enemy. I think. Yeah. Because there's like a million of them. And they're in. Like. Like. So you're in like this awful. Child's castle.

[00:58:25] For the middle of the game. He calls you Mr. Kennedy. And I hate him. He's. Hans Moleman. He looks like he's a hundred years old. And he's like. I'm actually twenty. And you're like. What the fuck. Why would you tell me that? And he like has. Again. It's not really clear. Why. Mind control. Parasite. Does this. But it makes him into bugs. And. You have to fight like a billion bugs. The.

[00:58:54] The remake. I think. Understood. How tedious this was. Because. As though. I've always said. Every enemy is much more durable. And aggressive. The one exception to that. Is the bugs. The bugs die. In like three pistol shots. I think. Because they know. How annoying it is. To have a million. Skittering. Flying. Invisible things. In your face. For fucking half an hour. Isn't that fun though. With remakes. Where you get to experience. The design choice. Of them admitting. Just like. Yes. Yes.

[00:59:24] I will seed. This sucked. And we're going to make it bigger. But in order to improve it. We are acknowledging. That it was a chore. I will say though. That I. I have said like. Oh they made it all more aggressive. But it's balanced by the parry system. And it makes you stand a chance. There are some rooms. That are just. In the new version. With the new. Way that they handle ammo. Just fucking impossible. And I don't mean. Because like. I did beat them.

[00:59:54] All. But like. To get past this one room. Required. An amount of time. An amount of effort. And an amount of luck. That is simply. Unacceptable. Like if. If this is the intended. Experience. Like. Oh. Do it again. Again. The thing that I am immediately. Calling to mind. Is when you're in the castle. There's a part where. Ashley has to go up. On a raised catwalk. And turn. Two big wheels. To make a bridge. Come out of the water.

[01:00:23] So you can walk across the bridge. To the next part. And while she's doing that. Zombies are trying to get her. On the catwalk. And then also. Zombies are on the main part. Where you are. Trying to get you. When I got to that part. Uh. I have like. Six bullets total. And. If you don't hit. The zombies that are trying to get Ashley. Right in the head. They take like. Two and three bullets to kill. Uh.

[01:00:53] And sometimes. There's just not enough time. To shoot them that many times. Before they take her through the door. And meanwhile. You got like. Guys with shields. And maces. Killing you. That they also take. Four and five bullets. I wanted to fucking cry. Dude. I truly thought I was soft locked. Uh. Oh shit. And there's another part. Oh. Oh. I'm getting mad. I'm. Ah. Okay. I blocked this out. Because it was so traumatic. The real thing that the remake does. That I. I hate.

[01:01:22] And actually. I hate the remake. The remake's bad. Don't play it. In the original. The zombies are all. Like. Are all there. Like. They're all really there. That doesn't make like. That doesn't sound like it made any sense. No. What I mean is like. If you are in a set piece. Where there are 15 zombies to kill. Like they're. When you start. They're all there. In the remake. Zombies spawn out of nowhere. Regularly. Like you see them pop in. You don't see them pop in. But there will be.

[01:01:52] Oh. This happened to me so many times. Before I had to sort of grimly accept. That this was happening. There are times. When you are going in a straight line. You know. Linear. Path. Like. Frozen and Evil 4. And you. You know everything. That you've just seen. And then a set piece occurs. And you're shooting the zombies. In front of you. And you get attacked. From the back. And it's like. Who were you? Where did you fucking come from? And like. Oh. Another part that was killing me. Was the. Cabin defense.

[01:02:22] Where you're in like. A little cabin. With Luis. And you have to like. Defend it. For a set amount of time. I was going insane. And. I saw someone. I'm like. I need to see. Someone succeed at this. So I know it's possible. Uh. And. The video I found. Wasn't actually that useful. Because it was like. A speed runner. Doing things that I couldn't possibly do. Because I didn't have. It wasn't built to be a speed runner. Yeah. But. He talks about like. Here are the things you have to do. Like I. Like right now. I'm shooting six zombies.

[01:02:51] Out of this window. Then I'm immediately throwing a grenade. Through that window. Then I'm immediately going upstairs. And do it. Da da da da. And one of the things he does. Is he puts a bunch of mines down. In the second floor. Because. There will be zombies. Spawning here. Magically later. And then later in the. Fucking set piece. Just boom boom boom. You boom boom. You hear them all go off. Because they just showed up. And it's not. And like. They. There is a part where. Fucking ladders go up. And they come up on ladders. And you can shoot them off the ladders. But also. There's just zombies. That magically spawn in the roof.

[01:03:21] I forget where I was going with this. It made me so fucking mad. Ooh. I hated it. So should people play. The original. If they've not played the remake. And they. Because I'm. Usually out of the persuasion. Like. Time is limited. I. Sometimes older games. Just show their age. But this one is not that. No. Not at all. Resident Evil 4. Is so fucking good. Like. Again. I can't. Emphasize enough.

[01:03:52] It feels like someone said. Like. Make. A video game. And do everything perfectly. It's the app that does everything perfectly. It is exactly. As it should be. Like. I can't believe. I can't believe. That they got it so right. On the first try. And to consider that like. Resident Evil. The first three games. Were nothing like this. This is wild. This was a. Wild.

[01:04:21] A very brave new direction. And they. Absolutely stuck it. It's like how we felt about. Yakuza 7. It's like they. They went in a very bold direction. They really redid everything from the ground up. But they stuck the landing in every way. Yeah. It's like. I remember when. It was like. First getting ported to other platforms. And there was some controversy. Among the GameCube freaks. Of which I was one. Because I. It was the only console I had. So I had to be a GameCube freak.

[01:04:51] And I was like. How dare Capcom do this. It was a GameCube exclusive. This was developed for the GameCube specifically. Oh. It even has an only on GameCube thing. On the cover. How dare they do that. Now having played it. I'm like. No. That was the right decision. Because like. This game needs to be every. Like if a. If a system can play video games. And it's not playing Resident Evil 4. It's like. Well it's broken. Like something's wrong. Yeah. Like because it should be able to do that. It's not achieved its peak form at least.

[01:05:21] Yeah. God damn. It's like. It's not. Any clunkier now. Than it was originally. The only ways in which it shows its age. Are. The story is obviously written in two seconds. The localization of the Spanish. Is ridiculous. Almost hilarious. How bad it was. Uh. Oh I do. In. In the remake. Uh. Leon. Speaks Spanish. To a Spanish person. But. It's so. It's like. Hola. Um.

[01:05:52] Uh. I. Una. Policia. Aquí. Like he's really bad at it. And I'm like. Okay. I like that. They're. They're. They're paying homage to the original. But it also was like. Why. The. Why would the government send a special agent to Spain. Who cannot speak. Any Spanish. Spanish. Um. And then also. The. The. The sort of. Shallowness. Of the. Shoot them once in the head. And kick them. And then knife them. Wins every. Wins every time. Obviously a. Uh. More modern game is going to have a deeper combat system. But here's the thing.

[01:06:22] As simple as that is. Later on in the game. There's just so many fucking things happening to you. That you're not going to have the time. To do the kick and the knife. Most of the time. And that thus. When you do get the kick and the knife. It's like. Ah. Back again. To my favorite thing. What a treat. In this harsh. Harsh world. Oh. I remembered the thing that I wanted to talk about. That made me go nuts about the remake. Sorry to get off the topic. But this shit's just. Fucking. Insane. So. You know how there's those zombies.

[01:06:52] That are Wolverine. That. That. Like. Here. They hear. Yeah. Yes. And. They have big Wolverine knives. On their hands. And they're only vulnerable. On a little doodad. On their back. Well. In the remake. Would you believe. They're even more aggressive. And. Have more health. And. There is a part. Where you go into a room. And there are fucking two of them. And in addition to there being two of them.

[01:07:19] There are like one fucking million normal zombies. Who are trying to kill you. And. When they hear you. Which they can do a lot easier. Than the original game. They run across the entire room. Going absolutely fucking nutty. With their claws. And it's very scary. And if you try to run away from them. They can hear that too. So they just keep coming after you forever. And. You might think. I know. Just kill all of the normal zombies. Surreptitiously. With stealth.

[01:07:49] And then. When there's only the two guys left. You can pick them off from afar. Well Joe. They just keep spawning more normal ones. Eventually the spawning ends. But like. You gotta go like 15 minutes. Of killing normal zombies. Before you finally get to the end of it. And. It would be hard enough. But there's the guys who are trying to get me. Ah. I hate the spawning shit.

[01:08:19] Have all the zombies be there from the beginning. That's my take. I'm fine with it. If it's. Clearly you are hunkering down. And it's like a specific hold your ground sequence. Then I. Then do it all the time. That's fine. I love. A game. Where it's just. Defend the base. It's simple shit. It's just fun. Like I. Like the cabin. Defense shit. Obviously. Outside the cabin. There's gonna be infinitely spawning zombies. That's fine.

[01:08:49] I get that. I get that it's just. You know. Get through this amount of time alive. That's fine. It's when they spawn. In the house. With magic. Like you can't do that. No no no. You. Like. If I'm defending the spot. They can't show up in. Like they. You have to give me a chance to keep them from getting to the spot. That's the whole fucking game. Yeah. They don't show up in the cabin. Bed. Just hey. Yeah. No.

[01:09:19] I mean. I've talked a lot of shit about the remake. It's like so good. It's insane. Like I can't. I got. I got to go back into the other poll. Like the. The combat. And the movement. And the. The parrying. And the guns. Are just so god damn fun. And so satisfying. And I loved killing the Spanish men. And when they died. It was fun to me. It's bone storm. It's bone storm.

[01:09:49] It's. Like. They did it for real. Like. I was afraid it wouldn't live up to the hype. Because I had played village. The most recent one. And that was pretty good. It was like haunted house. Like you fight against Halloween beasts in that one. And it's okay. Um. It's a first person shooter. It's fine. It's not that scary. The story's kind of stupid. Obviously the best character is the huge boobed.

[01:10:19] Uh. Vampire. Oh yeah. She's eight feet tall. Right? Yeah. She dies like an hour in. She's the first boss. Yes. And then you have three more bosses who all. Uh. Do not have huge boobs. Uh. Every boss should be a bigger lady. Yes. Yes. Like every boss should. Expose. The. Fetishes. Of the creators. And I'm sorry. But the other three just don't. They're just generic.

[01:10:48] Monster guys. Not exciting. At all. I played. Uh. The original. You know. It's a fun survival horror fucking puzzle game. I played the remake of two. Again. Same sort of thing. But with like a really strong. Modern gameplay style. You know. You don't have your tank controls. The graphics look great. And it's. You know. You've played the remake of two. It's great. Four is just like. It's just perfect.

[01:11:17] Like I can't believe. That they did that. It's just shooting fucking Spanish people. That's just all it is. And you don't need to make it more than that. And you can just have every once in a while. You get on like a mine cart. Or a jet ski. Yes. Yes. There's. There's always an amusement park aspect. That you're not far from. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. God. Damn. And it's just. What if every single room. Had a new.

[01:11:45] A set of freaking guys. That you would just shoot and kick until their heads exploded. Turns out it'd be fucking good. God damn. I love it. So Joe. Do you think that the. You think that I'm wise in saying that. Everyone should play this game. And if you don't like it. You're a. Hater and loser. Yeah. Especially because. The remake is good. When you say you're remastering Bone Storm. How do you perfect something already perfect? But they did it.

[01:12:15] They managed it. Mainly by. Making the bugs less annoying. Here's the actual biggest change. That the remake made for the better. So there is. One of the bosses in the original is Crowzer. Who is like a guy. And when you meet Crowzer. You're like Crowzer. I can't believe. You're here after what you did. And it's just like. Did I miss a scene. From an earlier game. Where I met Crowzer.

[01:12:45] And turns out. No. Like there's just. There's just no. Like when Leon is like. Referring to like. This figure from my past. Crowzer. I can't believe he's back. And it's like. That's. There's no. Stuff. That's being referred to. This is. The first time we're hearing about Crowzer. Ever. It's me. Your brother. Crowzer. Why didn't you pick up the phone? Exactly. It's very stupid. And then like. In this. They actually have a flashback. At the beginning. Where it's like.

[01:13:15] I. After the Raccoon City incident. I became a super killing man. So that I could go on missions. And you like. See a little. Vignette of him being trained. By Crowzer. And then there's like. A backstory of like. You were on a mission. With Crowzer. That went so wrong. And most of Crowzer's men. Got killed. And that's why he got disillusioned. Because the government. Didn't even say sorry. About the men who got killed. Isn't that bad? Now I'm going to go. Now I'm going to turn evil. That's what I'm going to do. Crowzer. And then like.

[01:13:45] During the big fight at the end. When you're starting to like. Win against Crowzer. He like. Wants to die. In a way. Because like. If you kill me. Then that means like. You learned. Like that means. I taught you. And like. My protege has done it. And like. If you can kill me. It turns out. I was wrong. Like. Like I won't even be mad. Because my whole thing. Is that power trumps all. And if you beat me anyway. Then like. I guess you were always right. And it's like. Oh Crowzer. You asshole. I can't stay mad at you.

[01:14:15] So that's good. Anyway. Let's wrap it up. That's the end. Resident Evil 4 good. Resident Evil 4 good. Just once. I want. A Resident Evil boss. You know at the end. When they're like. Injecting themselves with something. And they're explaining why. They're doing it. I want the guy just to be like. I want to know what's going to happen. Like I want. I want there to be like. No big like. I've. My whole life. I've been trying to. But no. Just like. What do you think is going to happen. With this goo in me.

[01:14:46] What if it just. What if they just died. That'd be so funny. It's like. It was poised. Oh another guy comes in the room. And is the boss fight. That would be so good. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to have a. Like an Ornstein and Smough. Two boss. At the same time. Type thing. But that guy. Turns out he was allergic. To that shit. Here's what I really. Want to know. Is like. When people get nuts. And like their arms. Turn into big knives. I'm like. What if. What if. Like. Krauser's arms. Turn into knives. He has big swords for hands.

[01:15:17] What if he wins. Like. How is he eating dinner tomorrow. Like. With. With what hands. Is he just like. Putting his. Is he bobbing for apples. For the rest of his life. Dinner wise. That's. The end of Resident Evil 2. It's like. He becomes this huge freak. Let's say he kills you. Does he just go back to using the computer. Like that. I. I mean. I guess there's. The thought is like. Oh. If you can transform. Into this gross form.

[01:15:47] You can turn back. Right. But like. I don't know. Especially the end. Like the real end boss. He's like a normal guy. But then like. A bunch of meat. Shoots out of him. And he becomes like. This huge spider. And I'm just like. A one way change. Yeah. Like. That meat is there now. I'm working on a new serum. And what the serum is going to do. It's going to reverse the effects of people. Who had their meat shot out by worms. It's going to reverse that process.

[01:16:16] Anyway. I hope your meat doesn't get shit out. Shit out. Or shot out. Listener. I've been Tom. And Anime Sicko. I've been Joe. And Anime Sicko. We'll see you next time. Bye bye. Bye. Thank you for listening to Anime Sickos. I've been Tom. A sicko. You can follow me on Blue Sky. At Tom Harrison. Joe was also a sicko. You can follow him on Blue Sky. At Sharia Uncle. You can follow Anime Sickos. On Blue Sky. At Anime Sickos. Or email us. At Anime Sickos. At gmail.com You can give us money.

[01:16:46] At Patreon.com Slash Anime Sickos. If you want. Uh. Please leave us a review. Or something. I don't know. Uh. Tell a friend. Uh. Anyway. Until next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.