253: Charles Star Goes Guesto Mode

[00:00:26] It is the show now happening. Anime Sickoss Podcast is the show that's happening now. This is Anime Sickoss Podcast, the podcast for geniuses and the only podcast where we look at the four pillars of modern misery, anime, gaming, posting, and jobs. I am the host of that show, Tom, and Anime Sickos. I'm a host of, it's funny how jobs is one of the pillars and we've had a fucking job in forever. We haven't had a job in forever. We barely play games. You don't watch anime and we don't post very much.

[00:00:55] So in conclusion, great show. We're very excited to have our, we have a wonderful guest with us who's going to provide a lot of expertise that is far beyond us. Yeah, we got Charles Star. Hello, Charles. Hey. Thank you for joining. Thanks for having me. We wanted to have you, we want to record this last week, but Joe, the previous day had a sleep study and he was like, I think that the, when you go to bed and they put goo and wires on you and make you sleep on a home.

[00:01:25] Homeless prevention bench. I don't know what I was thinking. I, it was so bad. Oh, boo hoo hoo. I sleep poorly and I'm gonna die. Boo hoo hoo. And the doctors say, you're sleeping in the gay way, dude. That guy's sleeping the gay way. Also, we're homophobic and hate the gay way to sleep. Fuck you. It's awful.

[00:01:45] There's so much goo. They put so much goo on me. I, I, I, my wife is like, there's goo all over the camera head seat, a headrest. And then there was goo all over my pillow, which I thought I had gotten because they cleaned you off of you. Wait, did you just say, it sounded like you said there's goo all over the, you started to say there's goo all over the camera. And man. It's like camry. Yeah.

[00:02:09] Uh, and I mean, man, you are fucking up the sleep study by putting like sex rhythms into their data. Oh, they hate it. When you bring your own camera to record yourself. They hate it. My new project. I'm becoming Andy Warhol too. It's not played anymore. Enough time has passed that it's fresh. I'm just recording myself sleeping. That's my new movie. I'm going to call that a movie and put it in the theater.

[00:02:38] Yeah, I, I, you know what? I never did a sleep study. I was supposed to, I was going to do a sleep study and I had an appointment with the sleep doctor, which really just sounds like someone who's going to euthanize you. But, uh, but, and then, uh, the pandemic and I never went back. Uh, I never went back because, uh, I no longer work at that job, which was near that doctor's office.

[00:03:11] Well, now you'll never know the experience of being covered in a goo that never washed us off. So if you want the experience of being covered in something that never washes off, you simply have to commit an unforgivable sin. Speaking of, I hear you're a podcaster, Charles. Yeah, that's what I try to be. So you got out. We were late. We were late. But like, you're also fucked up. So like, yeah, we agree. Yeah. You got out. You escaped. Yeah. Yeah. The rehab did not.

[00:03:39] And then for whatever reason, you're just like, I want them bars back, baby. You know, a new project. Uh, my new project is called no homework, uh, with Patrick Cosmos and El Ron Mexico, both of whom I've podcasted with before. Patrick was one of my, uh, co-hosts on hostile witness, which was a legal podcast. And El Ron Mexico is my co-host on city, St. Country, St.

[00:04:04] Our new Orleans Saints podcast, which we are just going to come off of hiatus to do a draft recap episode and looking forward to that season. Um, and so, you know, we were just like, we needed something to do. And Patrick, fortunately, like poked me and he was like, Hey, I also kind of want to do something. Cause I was out there in Chicago last November when the Saints played the bears.

[00:04:33] Um, you know, and so we went to a bears game together and he was our guest for the bears episode of the saints podcast. And so he's like, we really have to work together again. And so the three of us like got on, uh, signal and we were like, we need a theme that we don't have to care about. So that we don't have to worry. And so we were just like, how about just old shitty jobs?

[00:05:03] And, you know, just talking about something. And then as you know, right before we launched, I was like, wait a second. Did I just reinvent street fight? I got to talk to Brian and be like, I think we just stole street fight as an idea. And, and I moved to Columbus. If stealing ideas is against the rules and podcasting, we're all fucking.

[00:05:28] Yeah, no, I, I, I, it's one thing to duplicate accidentally, but it's another thing to be like, Hey, my friend stopped doing this. Why don't I pick up this working run with it? And so, uh, when I, like I, it, and it occurred to me literally right before I guessed it on guys. And so I just said to Brian Quimby, who is now doing guys, it was like, Hey, you know, we're about to do this. And I just realized he was like, I don't care.

[00:05:58] Like, I literally, I literally don't care. Especially he's like right now, uh, Stella Sacco. And I don't remember who her podcast partner is, but they're like weird. They're, they just launched a podcast called girlies, which is literally just guys. So fucking smart. And he's like, and they're doing it as like the positives, like they're not being mean.

[00:06:24] Uh, and so it's like completely like, and so he's like, I don't care if people take the idea. And so it's like, okay, good. Cause we will. And so that's it. And so we just talk about whatever we want to talk about, but we have like a framing device. Which is like the monologue at an improv show where we're like, ah, tell us a job and then we'll go whatever direction we want. So good.

[00:06:48] So folks, folks, obviously we've been pushing this show because we were homies with Patrick in both real life and in the internet. But like, this is, it's really funny. I think as much as I want to gas you up, uh, I had never heard Ron before. And Ron is like, uh, he's like, uh, like a, like a fake creature from another realm. Like to hear him talk.

[00:07:16] You're just like, like there's whole other world. There's gambit. Why is there gambit? Yeah. He, he's amazing. And it's like, it's really, Ron is the most unwriteable character in the universe. Yeah, exactly.

[00:07:34] Because first of all, like me and Ron on a podcast is just very funny because I sound like, and I've been told this to my chagrin, Chuck Schumer. And he sounds like Justin Wilson selling, you know, the cooking show. God, you know, ah, that is wondermous, you know, like real, like real Bayou.

[00:08:02] And so it's the sonic difference between us is just incredible. And I am this citified, can't get out of my own way, pretentious kind of, even though I try to be not that. And he is just this relentlessly positive guy who likes to go on really weird tangents.

[00:08:30] And it's like, we couldn't be more different and we couldn't love each other more. And, and now we've added, you know, Catholic high school refugee Patrick, you know, like our Midwest, our Midwest friend to the mix. It's great. That's a good show. That's a good show. That's a good show. The three cultures are like New York, Midwest, New Orleans.

[00:09:00] Yeah. Yeah. The whole West Coast. Who cares? That's where Google comes from. Yucky. Eee. Gross. Get away. Don't like that. Water not rising fast enough. Yeah. Uh, he goes into fucking pie. I, I, I, I want to get off of this cause I can just be like, does, does he know about throwing playing cards? Mon chéri. Does he do that?

[00:09:28] Do they blow up when they land? Does he have that sock that Gambit has on his head that has a hole for his face and his hair? What's that for? What's that doing? What's that saying to you? That is, I, that is so weird. That like, I mean, that's just Harlequin, right? Like that's just like a classic old Harlequin mask. Uh, you know, the, uh, the Joker has come to life and he's more annoying than when he's blowing up Gotham.

[00:10:01] I think if I ever got a writing job on a Batman book, I think one of the themes that I would really lean on, cause everyone, they always are like, I'm going to reinvent this. Uh, I'm the new writer. I'm the guest stunt writer. I'm going to like, really take this in a new direction. The thing I would lean on is everyone being really annoyed by the Joker. Like, obviously they're scared.

[00:10:22] Obviously they wish he'd go to jail, but like, also I want like widespread sick of this shit. On the street level explaining why my day is worse because of his delays caused by the crime. Yeah. Like this is not like, did you see his new bit? It's hack. It's not funny. It also killed many people, but like it was, it's like, it's a, that just happened. Type of thing. Again with this shit.

[00:10:53] Didn't he see the workaholic whiteboard? I have a job, dude. I have, you know, I'm going to get fired because the Joker put eels on the subway. So I, so I got to ask when you, uh, were speaking a little bit before, uh, this, before we started recording, you'd mentioned you started working with Patrick and then you found out that you were both lawyers. You were lawyers after. Is that true? No, no, no.

[00:11:21] Not working with Patrick, just interacting with him on Twitter. Oh, I see. Like we were just, you know, you just like, you're just shooting the shit with other people saying funny stuff and doing whatever. And then you work to me, you were doing the most important, valuable labor of all time. It absolutely was. It's how I feed my child. And so, um, I give him nothing, uh, but computers.

[00:11:46] So the, I mean, yeah, we were, we were just, and then of course he'll make, you know, someone will just mention in passing and then you go, Oh, a lawyer. And then usually instead of what should be your natural revulsion, if you're also a lawyer, you go, huh? Huh? You know, like I can, I can make specific references that will annoy normal people.

[00:12:14] Uh, as a non-lawyer, when I, whenever there's like a legal guest or angle on maybe a non-legal podcast, say like a chop or something, my, my angle and all this stuff is like, all this shit sure seems fake, but I don't really know anything. So I wonder what it's about. And then I find out that it is really fake. It isn't fake. It's not supposed to be like that.

[00:12:36] That's look, I mean, what's in, what's infuriating is that for most of our country's history, it was only kind of fake. And in the ways that it was, even in the ways that it was fake, you're like, okay, there's like an underlying ethos to a lot of it.

[00:12:59] And, you know, it's business oriented in a lot of ways and it's, uh, ruling class oriented in a lot of ways, but there's always a bit of a push and pull where, you know, people like people are looking for more equity or emerging groups are like finding ways to like make their way through this thicket to get the theoretical principles to express themselves. Yeah.

[00:13:28] It's a site of literal conflict too. Right. It's like happening. And, and I mean, there's like wolf and warp is like, as time goes on and you know, and like, yeah, yeah. I mean, dog law is more important than you think.

[00:13:44] Um, and now it's like reached this comical extreme where, you know, these structures that you've seen being built for like at this point, you know, like pre Reagan, but Reagan was the first real modern manifestation of it. And then they're just blowing it all to shit, you know, where they're like, ha ha, we now have exactly the numbers we need to make the law. Fuck you. And it's like, wait a second.

[00:14:14] Like that's it's that textualism. And then you look at the constitution and fuck you is right there. And you're like, oh my God, they're right. This is like five PS. This is the intent of us. The founding fathers. If any fucking free who hates life reads this later, whatever you want. That's what we meant. Smiley face. The 26th amendment is ballroom. This is why we need a ballroom.

[00:14:44] Uh, is that, is that why the lawyer, uh, subclass has so many, uh, passive abilities that are tailored to podcasting? Because like, what else are you going to do with, with all of your mental energy that you honed and the little hamster wheel you go to? My question is like, okay. Yeah. You are, uh, seems like correctly cynical about the law as you described, uh, in your work, you cannot also be like at every person you come across like this is so fucked. Right.

[00:15:14] Like you can't be doing that all the time. Right. You got to get it out though. Uh, yes, though. There are certainly plenty of peers who are definitely that, you know? Mm hmm. I mean, the fact is that most of law school couldn't sell a screenplay. Right. So you have a lot of, I mean, what I mean is you have a lot of like creatives who needed to make a living. Right.

[00:15:39] So like they all have in them a screenplay, an idea, a thing they wanted to do, but you know, and I mean, this was certainly the case for me. You're like, you know, in your twenties and you don't know what to do for work. And you're like, well, I could kick that down the road for three years by going to law school. And then you end up a lawyer and you're like, well, now how am I going to write this fucking thing? So you have all of this unexpressed, uh, creative energy.

[00:16:09] And now that the deadspin forums are gone, the guys don't know what to do with that energy. You know, cause that's. There's no place to put that energy at all. It's all so gone. The deadspin comments section was like 90% lawyers fucking off at work. And so, you know, the podcasting is it like for me, it's like I quit the law to do stand up for a while.

[00:16:37] And podcasting is like the perfect synthesis for stand up so hard. You've got to if you fuck up, you can't just be like, cut it, cut it, rewind and do it again. If you do that, they yell at you. I don't like it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, one of the first skills that you have to develop as a stand up and people are so bad at it is learning how to eat shit in front of people like something bombs. Yeah.

[00:17:06] And then walking it back in a way that gets people to rejoin you. Cause too many, like what you see is like too many people being like, Oh, did that one go over your head? Oh, I guess you're not doing X jokes right now. Yeah. There's a little bit of like shepherding that you can do rather than just throw up your hands. Also, it's like off putting if you're just like, Oh, you're not with me. Yeah, it's I mean, okay, I want to be on your side.

[00:17:33] You told the bad joke and your instinct was like, I'm your enemy now, by the way. We're yeah. Yeah. And it's just like, okay, well then like, I will continue to say, fuck you then, dude, at least have to be good at being hostile. You know what I mean? Like there's a funny hostile energy and there's a sad sack hostile energy. Yeah. And they're very different. The red hot energy where it's just like, you are actually upset and that's not funny. Yeah.

[00:18:00] I mean, I had to me the quintessential experience and I may have told this story on a podcast before. I've certainly told it a million times, but I'm at this shitty open mic in a basement in the West Village called the Village Lantern. And the open mic was like up and down. It's like any open mic, but it had a lot of people. So if you, you know, at least there are a lot of other comics that are refusing to laugh at your jokes.

[00:18:27] And so this guy gets up and it only, I mentioned this only because it matters to the story, but he was black and he tells a really stem winder shitty story that ends with people setting fire to lower lowercase t's on his lawn. And that's the phrase he used. And of course it gets like it's garbage.

[00:18:56] It's a terrible joke. And then he's like, too smart for you. And it's like, no, dude, everyone got it. It's just not a joke. Maybe I need to dig this hole further. Yeah. It's like, yeah. Oh, your imagery was too subtle. Your metaphor too complex. And it's like, buddy, you're just bad at this. I was going to add an open mic question, which is mine. I've never like done that.

[00:19:26] My understanding is that it's like exclusively other comment comics waiting to do their shit and then not really paying attention. Yeah. All all merchants, no customers. Yes. And then the exception is the only thing that will get a joke from other comics is when you say you're going to quit comedy or kill yourself. It's it can be better than that if you have any kind of a community. But there is a lot of that. And it depends where you are.

[00:19:52] The bigger the bigger city you're in, the more it really is a grind where you're just going place to place. And the comedy is kind of imposed on whoever happens to be in the bar. That is like my biggest fear. It's just like I the thought of having to perform anything to someone who is not like 100 percent in the seat intentionally. Just kill me. Yeah. You know what?

[00:20:18] It can be really great as long as they don't turn on you and you don't turn on the bar. I mean, I hosted not it wasn't even an open mic. I booked the show and I had comics who would like like yell at the people who didn't like stop talking to each other. And the owner of the bar was like, you got to tell your fucking people to lay off.

[00:20:44] I mean, I run a business here and like they were here to do that, not your show. And I was like, I know, I know. And so but if you go to if you go to cities where there's like one big club, they will have an open mic, but have the head like on a Thursday night. They'll like have the guy, the headliner come a day early and like headline the open mic show.

[00:21:10] And then you've get a crowd of like paying customers to be like, what, you know, like play this fucking grab bag of like 80 percent. So you're punished if you live in a real place. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, wait a second. But yes. One of the things we love about the venue where we do our show genius night, genius night, folks go to it is that it's like a cafe bar.

[00:21:39] And so on one side, it's the bar and one side is the cafe. And like the cafe closes at night. Technically, I'm doing the quotes, but like it's still you can still just go there and sit down. It's just there's no one work in the cafe table. But that is so huge, because like if we are infuriating someone, they can just go and sit in the quiet room. And it's just like, oh, well, we're moral or moral. Yeah.

[00:22:10] Speaking of being moral, Charles, I got to ask you a question we ask all of our guests. Are you an anime sicko? I am not, though. I have a very specific definition in mind. Give me. I would love to hear it. My definition of anime sicko is someone who like I was never into anime and I was never into manga.

[00:22:37] But my son, when he was younger, was. And so my definition of an anime sicko is a trope that I find very specific, I think, to Japanese culture and humor. It's Leorio from Hunter x Hunter, which is, you know, just like a guy who is in many ways normal, but is also very openly a pervert.

[00:23:07] Right. Yeah. Like like you don't see you don't see that really in American culture as like a humor archetype. It's like his personality is pervert. It's fun. Yeah. Like the closest I can think of is Neil Patrick Harris is pervert. I don't know. Barney on how I met your mother. Right. But he's at least supposed to be suave. He's like sexy and charm. Yeah. Yeah. But like also like, you know, a deeply grotesque personality.

[00:23:37] But Leorio is like supposed to be normal, except every time he sees a 14 year old girl, he's like rock hard. And I'm like, that is that to me. And like, and I don't mean this in a judgmental way. No, no, you should. You should. No. Don't hedge. Do not couch this. Like, I also read at the. Oh, God, what is it? It's the perfect diaries. No, no, no, no, no.

[00:24:03] It's it's a manga about like four Japanese schoolgirls. Oh, so so so. Oh, so so. Oh, so so so. And that was Sean Moorhead's avatar on Twitter. I as a manga Dio. I read it because this was his avatar and they had a teacher who was very openly a pervert too.

[00:24:29] And it was just like a running gag. Like his mouth was all around. And that's written. And I mean, there's a female author of that. And he's like, yeah, well, but it's like it is such a specific thing that they can joke about. And I just assume that it hits different in Japan. Like the level of that joke is just very like here. It's like, how is this fucking person not in prison?

[00:24:58] Yeah, there's a loaded gun in every scene now. Thanks. And so, no, I am not an anime sicko. That's very good. Later in Hunter Hunter, when he like shows up again after completing all his stuff sort of off screen. Leorio, you mean? Leorio, sorry. Leorio literally says like it took him longer to get there because he spent too much time jacking off.

[00:25:29] He literally says that. And then he's just like, oh, I should not have said that. Like he's doing that in a big speech. Yeah. I mean, one of the first episodes after like or I guess it's during the Hunter exam is like, you know, like the four or five of their group have to confront. Like each of them has to like fight one of these like supermax prison lifers.

[00:25:58] And Leorio loses because it is like, you know. I'll let you touch my pussy if you lose. Yes, that's exactly correct. He's like, oh, hell yeah. Say no more. I had forgotten about that. I had forgotten about that. That was like literally voided out, like white out in my brain. Yeah. And then after there's a there's like a skip because they don't show it. And then Leorio looks right at the camera and says, and 15 too. Right. Right. He's like fine with losing.

[00:26:29] You are very wise to avoid anime. So good. I'm in this way. And you have hit upon one of the huge fucking burdens around our neck that we have to carry as this type of person. That is always in the periphery. It is. It just is. And if someone's like, anime, you like that. But what about and so it's like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. But what about is our least favorite three words? Because you're going to say something indefensible. And then they say it. And it's like, there is no defense. It is truly horrible.

[00:26:58] I have another good example of this trope that I not really thought about too much. I read not all of it, but I read so much of the seven deadly sins that is not saying it's good. It was just like, this is slop and I'm just reading it. This was before slop was AI. This is when slop was good, baby. Slop came from a person. But the main character is just like, like always like basically molesting this other character, which is like the love interest.

[00:27:25] But then the reveal, the thing that is like insane, because it's like this is an attempt to make it kind of like better, but it's actually worse. It's like they are sibling. Their lives are intertwined and such that like they are constantly dying and being reborn. So he's like molesting her through time all the time. Oh, my God. You understand what I'm saying? It's just like it's always happening. And like the keeps getting killed by Arthur Dent. Yeah. And yeah, exactly.

[00:27:53] And again, it's like seen as like, oh, yeah. You know how you're like tall and I'm like this. Yeah. God. Could you imagine? You keep getting killed by Arthur Dent, but it's a finger in your asshole. Charles, I got to say, usually when people say they're not an anime sicko, I feel some pang of disappointment. Specific episodes of Hunter X Hunter are ready to go. That is so good.

[00:28:16] But I have to say that I'm really glad that you are a type of guy that there is less and less of now as a nerd culture and the sort of death of culture in general has frozen everyone in amber. And more and more adults are like, I mean, I say it, though, I'm not one are like guys who know everything about Dragon Ball and Spider-Man. It's like, oh, come on. Like it used to be that dads just didn't know any of this shit.

[00:28:46] And when they saw it, asked a question of you that made you go, oh, no, it is bad. I'm glad they're still making this person. I mean, look, I watched all of Hunter Hunter up through like with him when he was young. Like I watched it from the Hunter exam through, I guess it was like the chimera ant arc.

[00:29:17] Oh, wow. Yeah, it gets a little dark. Yeah. Where Gon like loses his powers or whatever. So I haven't seen it after. And I've been like, I thought it was done. But I apparently like the story picks up like following Karapika or something like I don't know. But like that is where I was done with it. And like he used to be a really big one piece head. And I'm like catching up, you know, like I don't like it.

[00:29:47] Actually, I read it. I read it. No, no, no, no. I don't because I don't get. No, I'm like at volume 109. Like so I'm almost. I don't like it. But I'm a dad. And he, you know what I mean? Like he got me to read it. Like it's not that I don't like any of it. I think that every once in a while he really makes me laugh. By the way, the SBS is anime sicko stuff too. Yes.

[00:30:15] Like but very self-consciously. So in all of the characters he's openly horny for with their boobs everywhere. Like it's just it's very funny because I feel like American cartoonists when they write superheroes with like huge tits and low cut unnecessary spandex costumes are like super self-conscious about it. And they're like, what are you gay? Why would you find this even remotely offensive?

[00:30:45] Whereas in Japan, they're like, oh, God, like they just like lean into it because they're like, come on, we're all in on this bit together. We it's like the female artists as well. Yeah. They're like, we're not even arguing that it's not sexist. We're just like, come on, let me be. Let me be horny on main. Come on.

[00:31:07] We all agree that the character of the old man who's like, I'd love to touch the teen boobies is our favorite unproblematic comedy relief. When things are getting too heavy. I love the boner man to show up and plate it all. Finally. Yeah. No, I mean, what I don't like what I don't like about one piece is the pacing is insane. Oh, like everything takes forever.

[00:31:36] And I just don't get anything out of animated fight scenes that take 32 pages. You know, it's just like a lot of like the fucking Batman, bam, kapow, you know, and I'm like, oh, come on, man. You know? And so like that is like, I respect a lot about one piece because it's like secretly really literary. And it's not that literary.

[00:32:06] No, no, no, no, no, no. But like he's intentionally making illusions and he, you know, he has a lot of. He has a lot of internal references that he can draw on and he does. And so like little subtle jokes and stuff. And so I respect a lot of it, but I'm like, I, it is. I find it a real drag to read. And then people are like, oh, well, you would despise the anime. Oh, yes, you would.

[00:32:36] Where Chopper is like, I'm like, yeah, I think I would go insane listening to cutesy Chopper. And you say you just like 32 pages of comic book fighting where you go. Now, imagine that was two hours. Yeah, there you go. So just in terms of base pacing, every fight has the fight. But then there's also a PowerPoint of everyone reacting to everything.

[00:33:06] So that means like 100 faces every punch. Yeah. I mean, that's, I think the real, the real millstone around his neck in terms of pacing is that like one of the things that's so cool about one piece is that there are so many different factions and different characters and they all, all the pieces matter as, as they say. Yeah. But it also means when it's like, let's see what's going on in the world. It's like, well, we like, I hope you're strapped in folks because we have like a hundred stops

[00:33:34] to make to find out what's happened in the last month on all the places that have that are fucking germane. Yeah. Just so you know, I am currently reading about the Marines are trying to take down Vega punks or Vege pie. I don't know how it pronounces it. It's Vega punk. Vega punks. Yeah. That's pretty good one.

[00:33:57] Um, so, you know, we are now in like year three of the shield going up and down and the pacifistas being controlled by the 30th entity. Oh my God. So if you, if you would dislike this kind of shit at a baseline, cause I don't, I think it's fine. Uh, I thought when they went to Japan world, that was like, like you could cut that entirely.

[00:34:24] You could just clip all of those chapters and make them gone because that really was like two years of real life of waiting a week to see. And now Frankie punches the Triceratops man two more times. He's going to punch him two more times next week. And it's just like, the Triceratops man is not fucking relevant. He is like so many levels down and like, I have to watch all of them.

[00:34:50] Frankie, Frankie had it in his contract that he gets six lines. He's Frankie gets to be above the, uh, title of the movie. According to his contract. He's all he, now he's a weird, uh, example of this because he, his sort of role is like, he's the pervert, but he never says anything horny. Like Sanji is the one who says things that are horny. Right.

[00:35:20] But whenever someone says like, what a freak, what a pervert freak, they're talking about Frankie. I think it's just cause he likes to wear speedos, which like, that's not bad. Yeah. Anyway, uh, Charles, I'm making an executive decision that we're done talking about anime. There's no more juice in that, in that fruit. Uh, tell me about your fucking app. You're an app developer right here. Uh, yeah, yeah. You were showing, uh, you were showing us all his code. That's right. He's, he's all into AI. He's vibe coding all the time.

[00:35:50] That's right. Whenever, like, if you look at the screen in front of me, it looks like the matrix. Oh, so, um, no, I, my, the app that I am now, uh, dealing with, it's called my fitness pal. Uh-huh. And it is just, I've been, I decided around New Year's that it was time. Like, I had spent too much time walking around being overweight and I had reached like a critical

[00:36:16] mass and I ran into a friend of mine who had lost like an insane amount of weight. Like, gone from like 450 to 220. Hell yeah. Congratulations. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was fantastic. And I was like, okay, well, what's your secret, buddy? Uh, you know, and it was that he just joined, you know, he got this app and, you know, he told that it's goals.

[00:36:44] Like, for me, I was like, I want, I was too, I was 230 ish. And I was like, I want to get down to 190. So what is the calorie budget I have to get now down to 190? And so it's like, you have like around 2,100 calories a day. And just the act of inputting everything you eat and being honest about it. Yeah. Um, I wouldn't do that.

[00:37:10] I have dropped, I'm like down to 215 now in like four months. And the, you know, it's not that hard for me, apparently to eat 2,100 calories a day. Uh, you just have to, for me anyway, tell the difference between when you're eating because you're hungry and when you're eating because you're bored. And I am apparently spent a lot of time eating because I was bored. Eating's so fun, dude.

[00:37:40] Especially when it's a little baggy. It's so good. My worst temptation is just like food that's there. You know, like I was at. Working in an office and there's just like, here's this cake that's leftover. Yeah, that's one. I mean, I don't, I don't go into an office anymore. That definitely does help. You know, the, the receptionist with a bowl of mini Kit Kats where every time I go to the bathroom, I have a fucking Kit Kat in each direction.

[00:38:09] And, uh, and so that is definitely a huge thing. But it's also like when I was at a, I was at a party over the weekend, uh, not to brag. And the, you know, like this guy had, uh, you know, just bowls of mixed nuts out and I must've eaten like a cup of mixed nuts just like, because it's there.

[00:38:38] And it's like, okay, that's a lot of fucking, that's a lot of, uh, unnecessary surprising calories. I suppose that I just was being peckish because I could be, I mean, it's right there. It's yeah. It's the proximity. It's just like. Just the mindlessness of, uh, the dopamine hit of eating something.

[00:39:04] And so now that I'm being intentionally mindful, it has been, uh, successful, I guess. And so I'm sort of, uh, thank you to them and I will promote their, uh, dumb app, even if it refuses to integrate with my, uh, walking app, which I thought it like it's supposed to, but I'm actually glad it doesn't because I don't want the credit.

[00:39:33] I don't want to eat those extra calories, you know? Like, cause if you put in that you, if you put in that you walked four miles, it'll be like, Oh, your calorie budget for today is actually 2,500. And I'd rather not know that. So the fact that you want to run a deficit and just do a standard thing. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's like great. Uh, now like not knowing is better for me because then I won't be like, ah, fuck it. I'll have ice cream tonight. Yeah.

[00:40:03] Yeah. Yeah. The Achilles heel of any self accountability system was when you start building in all the little ways that you give yourself an excuse. And it's like, I did this. So now I can not do that. And eventually you find a way to justify anything. How do I know this? I won't tell. Right. He, by the way, he's tying off his upper arm right now. Yeah. Because I want to feel good, man. I got told about a party I didn't get invited to and now I'm crashing.

[00:40:31] There was nuts there. Uh, I can't believe an app is good. This is so fucked up. Yeah. It's very disappointing. I have to rethink all my priors. I need to, I'm, I'm, uh, so I may, I did a bit about this at Genius Night where I made light of it, but like, it is kind of like bothering me. Not from like a health perspective, but from a, from a financial perspective, because I am unemployed.

[00:40:57] Um, I recently, like, I have all of my like professional looking outfits, which I haven't worn in a long time because there's no need to. Oh, I definitely don't have a suit that fits anymore. Uh, yeah. And I was just like, oh, let's see if any of these clothes fit. And like, none of them do like even close. And I'm just like, well, fuck. Like either I got to get back into these clothes or I have to buy all new clothes. And I don't, one of those two things is free. So. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:41:26] I mean, my jeans are starting to fall off me, which is good. But at the same time, I don't want to be walking around with like the Jared pants, you know, like the IRL sickos. They'll know how you lost all that weight. You don't know. Like everyone, everyone's mad at Jared, but you know how many calories that burns? When you tell people in Japan about Jared, they go, why aren't we all laughing?

[00:41:55] What do you mean? What do you mean prison? Is he entertaining the inmates? Yeah. He's like Johnny Cash. They brought him in. To do his bit. To hold up his huge pants and then talk about when he gets wherny. Yeah. I just want to say for the record, I don't want to be judgmental about the weight thing

[00:42:19] because I also feel at some point that this is unsustainable and that when I crack, it will look like fucking Mr. Creosote from Monty Python. And it'll happen. But I'm like for now, I'm trying to be the shepherd. I mean, the people who are like actually get like very fit. You can't get that way unless it's the only thing you do. Right.

[00:42:48] So if you look like that, you must by sort of definition be like 90 percent gym thoughts by volume. And like and talk about putting yourself in the path of becoming a weirdo right wing freak, because if you haven't gym thoughts like I got to have some dust, I got to have a dust or possibly a goo. And then who sells the dusts and goos? Well, we all know. Right. Fascists. And there you go.

[00:43:16] Every supplement is unregulated. You go to vitamin barn or whatever it is, and every powder has lead in it. Yeah, it's fine. Lead and anabolic steroids. You know, like it's like every time a football player fails a drug test and they're like, I got it at GNC. It's like, yeah, dummy, because it's made in a lab where they try to figure out how to mask steroids.

[00:43:47] Like, yeah, sorry, dude. You have, you know, like this is like, oh, you thought it was mostly rhinoceros penis? It's not. It's anabolic steroids. Isn't it like that the jar they put the dust in is like picked at random? Nobody knows what's in each one. You just kind of go and you take a lottery ticket. Yeah, it's like the it's like the Duff factory where it's like one thing making Duff Duff light

[00:44:16] and and Duff dark, which I don't think they make dark beer anymore. Oh, they do. Stouts. Oh, that's, I guess, dark. Well, they certainly like macro breweries don't. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. Let's talk about dark beers, folks. Negro Modelo, baby. I love stuff. My favorite beer is Murphy's Irish Stout. I don't get it that often. And every time I get it, it's like this. I'm about to say it's not like, oh, it doesn't even taste like beer, but it's just like it

[00:44:45] is so smooth that it feels like I am not drinking alcohol. And then I can't walk too good. They taste like they put them crispy creams in the blender and put some put a fucking shot of espresso in there. It's just wonderful. It's just wonderful. I got to give a shout to my friend Rich Duncan, who had a bit where where he talked about Guinness and he's like, it's it's great because every time they're like, here's a beer and a loaf of bread. Yes. Yeah. We all love bread.

[00:45:15] Why is their mascot, the toucan, and then put a pin in that continuing on. Why is toucan Sam British? What's going on over there with toucans? That's not where they're from. You know the answer. It's colonialism. That's the answer. Yeah. I'm pretty sure like there's stories of like British soldiers like smooshing puffins in mass to make puffin oil and stuff.

[00:45:44] I believe it was such that like the animals were not accustomed to humans. So like they all just like waddled for to be killed and they were just like, hell yeah. And it's just like, it's the same thing. It's the same urge they have. Yeah. That I mean, that literally was like seal hunting in the Arctic is that they'd get off the boat and the seals would like come up to be slaughtered. Oh, man. I can't. Yeah. Look, who are you and why are you so angry?

[00:46:11] It's because they come from Toad Island, the most sinful place on Earth. You bring a Toad Island folk to the equator. You let them see the sun. They are going to change. Something's going to happen to their brain. They're going to become a 28 days later person. And they are going to have an irresistible urge to mete out death to whatsoever comes in front of their field of view. And that's thus as it is to toucans and puffins. Can I can we done that document?

[00:46:40] There's the hardest you've laughed recently. Could you would any interest in discussing that? Sure. What do we think? Yeah, we haven't we've meaning to do this with guests now. And you just seem like someone who's like on the right vibe. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny. Like, I had one in mind when when Tom sent me that prompt. And now I don't even remember what it was. But last night and I just posted about this.

[00:47:08] So but I was on the train last night. I was coming home late. I was on the platform. Another party with nuts, no doubt. No, this was this was a Scrabble tournament. My first Scrabble tournament. Yeah. So so I was coming home and I'm on the two train platform and I'm just sitting on the bench

[00:47:35] on my phone and a train comes in and I just zombie like stand up and walk next to the platform and I never look up and the train just keeps fucking going. And I look up and it's the money train. So it's not going to stop. Right. It just like it's where how they transport the cash underground me, you know, like this some fucking New York thing. What are you talking about?

[00:48:05] Yeah. Yeah. There are multiple there are multiple non passenger trains that go by on the subway. There's the garbage train where like, you know, like they will come in. Sure. Because they I mean, they don't carry the trash up the stairs. Right. Like when they clean it out, they're like and so the garbage train will go by. There's like the track sweeper train to clean the tracks.

[00:48:31] And then there's the money train, which like there's not even that much cash anymore. But when they're moving the money around like that was a fucking David Spade movie money train. No, no. David Spade joked about it on SNL. Fuck who is in it? Wesley Snipes. Maybe this is effectively an armored car train, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like an armored car train that they, you know, so like it doesn't stop at every station. It just zips through.

[00:49:01] But, you know, in any event, it was the money train. So, of course, I realize that as it's zipping by and then I turn around to go back to the bench and there are two young women on the bench like laughing into their sleeves. In the same way that I'm like laughing at myself because I just got up. And so I'm like just fucking cracking up at how stupid this is that like my zombie ass didn't

[00:49:29] even look down the track to see if it was my train. I just stood and waited for it like a seal as the, you know, the whaling ship arrives on the flow. I cannot fucking believe that there are New York special variant ultra rare trains. You know what goes on the train tracks in Chicago?

[00:49:59] People about to die. Yeah. People about to get stabbed and lit on fire. Well, but I mean, there's got to be stuff that I mean, most of it is elevated. So you don't have the same kind of track garbage we do. You don't want garbage on the tracks because it catches fire when the brakes spark. And so they have like sweeper cars that pick up all of the shit on the track because you also can't have a bunch of fucking people walking around.

[00:50:28] Yeah. You know, with like little clippers, you know, to pick it all up. So like they have all this stuff that's designed to transport stuff around. I mean, I would bet that there is some something or other that, you know, the CTA uses to move money around. But no one pays cash anymore anyway. So it's probably later, like rarer and rarer that it's even an issue.

[00:50:53] But everyone used to just pay fucking cash at the subway to get tokens and stuff. So you had to move massive amounts of like physical money, you know? Holy shit. They should let you in on the money trend. Yeah. If you ask. Yeah. Yeah. Dive in like Scrooge McDuck. Yeah. Even if there's only like 20 bucks in there because there's no cash anymore. Still rolling around on a mostly empty floor.

[00:51:23] If you make it happen, like we're done. Like you. It's like a library book. It should be like the Santa Claus. You become a cop. If you get the cop's gun, you're the cop now. Yeah. And if he tries to get it back from you, you can kill him because he's assaulting. He's trying to steal an officer's service weapon. You can't. And you are the law. I will. I will remind you. The other thing you mentioned is something you have been finding very funny is a silly lawyer billboards.

[00:51:52] Now, as an outsider looking in. Oh, yeah, yeah. Lawyers to me, they're all the same. So you have exactly the same amount of dignity as the lawyers who have the silly billboards to me. And you do the same work. That's right. And it's basically you up there. So tell me more. Okay. So I, man, I love them because they're just deranged and ubiquitous.

[00:52:16] If you drive on any interstate, it's that's who it's really doggy dog. And so like, it's all of these firms. And so when I was out in Phoenix, the one that cracked me up was the husband and wife law team. Like that was like what they called themselves. They were called the husband and wife law team. There is when you drive around in like near me, I'm in Brooklyn.

[00:52:46] But when I'm in New Jersey, there's one that's just like I got hurt in Jersey dot com and like top dog law. Like, I don't know if you hear if you have these commercials in Chicago because I heard them in Phoenix. So they're more national than I realized. Top dog law. They're insane. They're first of all, they're like four minutes long. They are so long. These commercials. And the one that plays here is like at the end.

[00:53:15] It's like a guy coming out. He was like, you need a law dog, not a puppy. A dog. It's just like so fucking stupid. Yeah. Now, who does the I feel like in New York, it is because I I listen to like the when I'm driving, the my radio is usually on like the classic hip hop station. So I know nothing new, but it's stuff from like 20 years ago, which is now oldies.

[00:53:46] But that is who does it. And one I think it's one of the like drive time DJs or something. And I don't I'm forgetting who it is. But that's who does like this really long ad read for top dog law. And he may be syndicated. So it may be the same guy who does it everywhere. But I saw a top dog billboard when I was in Phoenix. And I was like, I was sure this guy was local. It's just holding a bag of money in a big.

[00:54:16] And he does bus rap ads here. Yes. You know, so I just figured that was local. There's this guy who I thought was local in Chicago. Glenn Lerner, who his phone number is two. You just press two a lot. Yeah. And he's got a face that looks like it was drawn by a comic book artist who was told, I need a character who's like a superhero, but who's kind of pompous.

[00:54:43] And he's he's a little silly and full of himself. And they're like, got it, boss. I know exactly. And he draws Glenn Lerner. And we would see Glenn Lerner billboards all the time. And then eventually it became Lerner and Roe. And there was him standing next to like a normal looking guy who looks like a little man next to him. And we were like, oh, my God, Glenn Lerner's got a friend. Yay. Yeah. And then we learned to our horror. This motherfucker is from Las Vegas. He's a Las Vegas lawyer. What are you doing?

[00:55:14] Yeah. Yeah. Salino and Barnes were like the Buffalo or Rochester area. And they like figured out that just spamming ads was how to build the firm. And now they're I mean, obviously, Salino and Barnes no longer exists for two reasons.

[00:55:32] One, they broke up in acrimony when one of them like was trying to like bring his kids into the partnership, you know, in a way. And so Salino and Barnes split up and then Barnes died in a classic doctor fashion by piloting his own plane. If I. Yes.

[00:55:57] And so like but now Salino Salino has his firm and the Barnes firm exists. But it's Barnes's brother was also like part of the partnership. So like the Barnes firm is because I think Salino and Barnes was like 800, 888, 888, 888. Right.

[00:56:21] And now I think the Salino is like all fives or something. That's so smart. And Barnes is 1,800, 8 million. 8 million. So it's like 8, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0. So it's like like these guys. And you know that like they have a marketing budget. And so they like game this out.

[00:56:50] They almost certainly like bought that number from someone else when it became. They figured out a jingle or whatever. What is the law that they're doing? I mean, again. They do anything. But it's basically personal injury. Yeah. And like what is what is the what is the game plan for personal injury? Because from an outsider, this is what I would do if I got hired, you know, randomly as a personal injury lawyer. I would just point at how ouchy the client is and be like, look, look, look.

[00:57:20] That's a lot of it. No, it is. Like a lot of it is storytelling and convincing the jury to hate the other side. And their job is to be like, look, he's a spastic dunce who caused his own problems. Right. But my understanding is how a lot of the very big multi-city law firms like this work is they hire people on an essentially eat what you kill basis.

[00:57:49] And they get their cases the way you do in a TV homicide department, which is you answer the phone and it's your case. Like so. So someone calls the number and the receptionist reroutes it to whatever city the caller is in. So you get a locally barred attorney to handle the case.

[00:58:17] And if you pick up the phone, that's your case. And you they hire some people straight out of law school and you learn to do it really fucking fast because you don't you make money by turning. So you get like a mix of, you know, very, very experienced lawyers and some who are not as experienced.

[00:58:42] And, you know, you have to figure out how to manage your own docket and manage your own cases. But like these firms then get big enough that they expand out into other stuff like I and I can't talk about this too much because we work with them too much. But I see Morgan and Morgan billboards all the time. So I imagine that they were just a schlock house like a lot of these places.

[00:59:09] But what I do now is plaintiff side class action work and we work with Morgan and Morgan and maybe they do have a lot of schlock house, whatever comes over the transom stuff. I don't know. I don't know. But their consumer class action practice is very good attorneys. Nice.

[00:59:28] Like they make they they are a player in the space because they have the capacity and they are pretty good at it too. And so, you know, like you I was surprised. I just assume something about billboard firms and maybe they're part of their practice is that.

[00:59:50] But they have grown big enough to develop specialties in areas of the law where there, I guess, were market opportunities. Yeah, like being husband and wife, being husband and wife. So it's the only married news team. I'm trying to get my wife to go to law school because it feels like an untapped market here in New York. And she has started poisoning my coffee. Oh, but not too much. Like it's she's ramping up slowly.

[01:00:20] That's very nice of her. The husband and wife law team is the fucking Detroiters joke with Ross Chunks. I'm not just a lawyer. I'm a mama. Literally multiple people when I posted the husband and wife law team put a Ross Chunks ad in my face. In my replies. Good. And someone who didn't know the show, because like the clip that they posted was Ross Chunks with her son. No commercial. And they're like, you can't do that to your son.

[01:00:49] And I was like, don't worry, it's fake. If you saw the next scene, you'd know that son's a piece of shit. He's drinking the homemade Simpsons stuff. Crown Keeper Willie's got a piece. Blue pubes. Oh, so here's here's a question I have for, I guess, law stuff in general. If we could, we could. I guess here's the thing. By any perspective, I'm not following federal court cases.

[01:01:14] But what seems to be the case again and again is just like the Trump administration people like don't even show up. Like their shoes aren't tied and shit. And like they are like doing anything. And they don't care. Like what does that do to the profession? It's really it's really frustrating. And I will tell you as a podcaster first, it is very hard to want to do a podcast about law. Yeah. And it is because you're restating all the stuff, you know, is a problem again. Yeah.

[01:01:44] It's just feels it feels feckless and egregiously phony. You know, like I mean, my through line always and this is pre Mike Dicta when I was just, you know, like Jeb Lund's law guy on this week in atrocity, which is kind of how all of the subsequent Mike Dicta and its branches started was me going on this week in atrocity.

[01:02:09] And then, you know, me and Tarek deciding, you know, getting a bunch of people together. Mostly Tarek drove that. But with started with me on this week in atrocity being like, here is all this fucked up stuff. And here are these like talking about different Supreme Court and appellate cases that I thought were weird or whatever.

[01:02:32] And a lot of it, you know, and it started with even weirder stuff like Jeb asking me about Louise Mensch talking about the Supreme Court, the Supreme Court. You know, what did she go? The Marshal of the Supreme Court arresting, you know, Donald. He's getting his katana. Yeah. Yeah. You know, so it like started with stuff like that and, you know, talking about, you know, Roy Moore in the mall. Oh, yeah.

[01:03:01] But I always was like, look, I don't want to give you any false hope. There's no good news. Like it all is trending in very bad directions, but at least seemed within reach of, you know, if we just switch a couple of people out or if, you know, you just get people angry enough. And now it just feels totally ridiculous. Yeah.

[01:03:25] To get out there and talk about it, you know, and like telling jokes about, you know, the your own emisseration. Yeah. Like that's we we have spoken at length on this show that like we're not going to be the show that like covers the hot relevant topics. Because like this is a talking show. So we must have topics that allow us to talk. And the only thing you can say about pretty much anything that happens is like we have to kill these guys. Like we have to kill.

[01:03:55] Yeah. I mean, and I don't want to I don't want to pretend that I won't talk about it. Like if anyone wants to like bring me on to their show to talk about it, I do like talking about it. But it is impossible to generate any kind of energy to be like, this is my project. I will get together with other people to say how fucked up this is. Like it only works if it's sufficiently stupid.

[01:04:25] Yeah. Right. And also, if it's a kind of stupid or fucked up that requires some kind of expertise to unlock how stupid it is. But now it's just like the Department of Justice showed up to court and they were new. You're not allowed to do that. So what you just said, if there's something worth unpacking. And that's exactly when I started hearing Charles on podcasts and stuff. It's just like here is a process for a rather procedural thing in the law. You don't understand. Here's why it's goofy that they're doing this.

[01:04:54] It's like, oh, that's very informative. And then as Tom said, it's just like it's illegal to be black now. It's like it doesn't matter. Like there's no juice. There's nothing to unpack there. Right. Now, actually, if you look at it, it shouldn't be illegally black. Which is that unconstitutional. Yeah.

[01:05:12] Like, I mean, if we were going to do anything, it would be more like, did you know that Kirsten Sinema is currently being sued in North Carolina for alienation of affection, which is a tort that only really exists in North Carolina in 2026. Which is she fucked someone on her security staff and broke up his marriage.

[01:05:41] And the ex-wife is suing Kirsten Sinema on this like old school tort of you're a slut. Cock law. Yeah. Like, and that it's like it's insane. But North Carolina held it up as legal very recently.

[01:06:03] The North Carolina Supreme Court is like, we are proud to be the only state that allows you to sue from the cuck chair. Wow. Wow. Okay. Okay. That's pretty good. And so like that, it would be a sort of fun thing to unpack because it's not the real world.

[01:06:26] It's like this dumb thing that is really happening, but barely touches our lives. The outcome of this will not affect a school. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Like, I don't know.

[01:06:39] I don't know if you saw, obviously, you know about the ballroom litigation, but I don't know if you saw the filing that they made last night after the White House Correspondents Dinner attempted whatever the fuck it was. A guy who got tackled two blocks from where Donald Trump even was. Like, one of those things where you're like, oh, the security worked. We must revamp security.

[01:07:09] Like, there's no, there is nothing to say that hasn't been said a million times. Like that last joke that even as I was telling it, I felt bad about because it's not something you've heard a million times. But he, after they submitted a, like the White House submitted a letter in the same litigation where the guy has said, you can't go forward with the above ground construction.

[01:07:39] And I can't believe you just knocked the whole thing down without any authorization. And they're like, see, someone didn't like the president, which is why this whole litigation is out of order. And it really reads like a true social post. But he was given 2000 words. Jesus Christ. Like, it's just insane. And that's in the record.

[01:08:07] But what do we say that a million people haven't said already? Like, I got my joke off on Blue Sky about it, but I don't have more to say. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you can't be funnier than the material. There's nothing further to be plumbed from this. Yeah. Like, it is, we gotta kill these guys. Yeah. The hardest thing about joking. That's the only thing it comes back to.

[01:08:32] The hardest thing about joking about Trump is that the material is, look at this shit. Yes. Yes. It's hard to get funnier than that. Yeah. And you just end up being angry. Look at this shit. This fucking guy. When we brought our live show back, like, one of the requirements for me to be able to do it was like, it is no longer news themed anymore. Right. It used to be the gimmick was, you gotta talk about something that happened last month.

[01:09:00] And what that meant is I heard the same fucking joke constantly, which is like, can you believe this mango Mussolini? Yeah. He did a thing that was really bad. And it's like, in fact, I can believe it. It's one of the things that comes most easily to me is believing fucking that. It is hard to watch monologues. As someone who really wanted that to be my job. Like, I applied to multiple comedy writer jobs.

[01:09:29] I came fucking achingly close to some really plum ones, but went oh for everything. And finding, like, watching monologues after being online all day, it's very hard for something to hit that hasn't already been told 20 times.

[01:09:50] And like, if you are a person who doesn't spend their day online, then obviously the monologues are written by good comedy writers in the main and the jokes are like all fine. But you have by 11 p.m. That well is dry. Yes.

[01:10:10] The other thing is, even if the joke is the same and you would laugh at it a second time, it still just feels like it's the slowest joke in the world because the previous version of it you absorbed was a little bit of text you scrolled on the toilet. Mm hmm. Yeah. And you read like six variations of that joke and the time it takes the fucking host to do this. In general, the monologue feels like I is a format. Yeah. You can only do a monologue if you were like showing a model.

[01:10:38] Like I'm stepping from this parallel universe that you can't see normally. I'm going to tell you what's going on there and I'm going to step back. But anything else like what else is there to fucking say? I watched the Larry Sanders show a couple of years ago for the first time. And it is man talk about funny that in the pre posting world, like a guy who can come up with 20 little tweets about the news today was like, whoa, they're a star.

[01:11:08] Get them a job. Wow. You're one of the main characters on the show. It's like, Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. This is your job. I have to think about how like the first high profile version of, oh, you turn your tweets into a job was. Do you remember when they try to turn like I think it was shit my dad says into a show, which was just a early a Twitter account.

[01:11:34] And then there's I mean, yeah, I mean, I mean, but he's actually had Justin Halperin's had like a real career. And yeah, he was a guest on my Saints podcast as a Chargers fan. And there you go. He but yeah, like he did like two seasons that it was William Shatner was the dad. He said shit. I imagine, you know, and like there are a lot of there are a lot of people like Baze Craze, the Twitter account, like ended up, you know, writing for a talk show.

[01:12:04] And then I think maybe the Cleveland show. And like he's had like a lot of those people have actually had real writing careers. But I'm not one of them. So I hope either we have to also kill those people. Yeah, we are. Actually, when you think about it, who gets rewarded in this damn world? The worst of us. So the fact that all of us are sad also rands. You know how you can tell?

[01:12:34] They got rewarded. That's true. And so resent them. All I've ever gotten is contempt and at best an indifferent non-reaction. When that just goes to show how good I am, folks. Podcasting is fun because no one listens. It's a medium for freaks. We did an episode or Tom did an episode about this. This was my idea.

[01:13:04] I was like, I was out. It was the podcasting bill of rights, which is like celebrities can't do this shit. Like LeBron James. Oh, I don't have a fucking podcast. OK, yeah, it should be for like what would have been CB radio guys. Yeah, I get I get made slightly insane when people are like, oh, you should listen to smart lists or, you know, some like whatever.

[01:13:30] And I'm like, it's just celebrities talking to each other. And I mean, I would I don't mind if someone wants to like post like a three minute clip of a good Hollywood story. Sure. But I don't want to listen to celebrities talk to each other for an hour, especially because I'd rather than I would. Rather than like elevate a nobody and like all the best podcast lists when they're all like, you know, the New Yorker podcast and the New York Times.

[01:13:59] And it's like, good job, man. You have found, you know, it's like the best selling book this year. Once again, the Bible. Great. You know, like who cares? They don't need your award. It's like you're only nominating them so that the New York Times points out your list. Yeah. Yeah. So whatever. I'm not bitter, though. Yeah. No, I am bitter. I'll don't hedge.

[01:14:27] I'll rather if you want to hedge, don't worry. I'll fall on that. No, I'm better. Tom, I'm incredibly bitter. Like, I like love little clips where Conan O'Brien talks to someone and they tell a funny story. But that's not a podcast. That's a talk show that he's doing. I mean, but Conan doesn't even count. Conan's job was talking to those people. Of course, Conan's a great podcaster.

[01:14:54] But like, it's just different, you know? Like, it's just different when like, I think someone was posting the other day, like someone has realized that like NBA players should not have their own podcast. Yeah. Like none of them, like there are vanishingly few who have anything to say. And like, and why should they? They have to spend all their fucking time doing basketball.

[01:15:23] No, but like, they would be good guests. But they can't carry a show like week to week, like they're the host of it. They don't have enough independent thoughts or interests that allow them to like ask other people, you know? This week I've been doing a lot of drills. What do you think about drills?

[01:15:48] There was a video of a reporter asking people on the Bulls, just like other than basketball, what is something you could talk about like nonstop for an hour? And first of all, most of them just were like, like they just like froze. And then someone said one piece. That would be true of most people. Like being insane enough to actually have a sustained conversation about whatever someone else wants to talk about.

[01:16:14] I think it's a curse, but I'm going to run with it. You know? So many of these basketball players were just saying like working out and it's like that's just more basketball. Yeah, exactly. Uh, hell yeah. I mean, that's like, that's why I want to be on everyone's podcast is like, this is, this is my heroine. It's like going and talking to other people about whatever their thing is.

[01:16:44] And, you know, there's all very few things I won't do. Like I won't go on and debate someone whose podcasts are different because I think it's a dumb format for getting any kind of meaning out of anything. Unless it's dumb. Like I'll debate if someone wants to like yell at me about one piece, I'll be like, okay, fine. But not like, not like a jubilee type of thing. Yeah.

[01:17:09] Not like, not like real, like I wouldn't talk to Ben Shapiro, you know? And like the only time I ever was like, no, I can't do this was a guy who was a fan of the podcast. And I was like fishing around and he had a, you know, he's a pastor and he wanted, and I'm like, yeah, I can't. Like, I can't do it. Like, I mean, I don't mind that other people are religious, but I also don't want to like.

[01:17:39] Did it feel insincere on your part? Yeah. Like you're, yeah. I don't want to be on your podcast where I just fundamentally don't believe in it and be like glib or conciliatory or whatever. Like, I think at best it would be fake and more likely I would be hit by lightning. And it's a well-meaning person who I just disagree with about something that doesn't otherwise really affect my life.

[01:18:08] And so I don't want to be like, hey, I think this is kind of nonsense, but you do you. That guy's made up, dude. You know, that book's made up. Right. Exactly. Be that guy. And like, and I hate that guy. So I would just be there being like, I'm like happy that this brings meaning to your life. Right.

[01:18:31] Like, and so I, it would be boring because I don't begrudge anyone else their belief if it like leads them in a direction to be a good person instead of a bad one. Well, to that end, it, when there is a good podcast, there's a very good chance that you will be on it because you are in the midst of a year long project to defeat Josh Borman. That's correct. Support. I hope you destroy that man. Yeah. Okay. So I just want to let everyone know what the stakes here is.

[01:18:59] Whoever, between Josh or you, whoever gets more podcast guest appearances, what's going to happen is you won't, you won't know right away. But when you die and you get to the throne of heaven, God will shake your hand and he will get up and then gesture towards the chair. And you will sit down. Oh my God. God. And you will rule. That is what I was hoping would happen. Yeah. So. So you're doing good. I knew there was a reason I wanted to win this thing.

[01:19:29] I can't like, it really, it really is the perfect example of me getting in too deep. Like there are, there are like three times in the last few years where I have just gotten in too deep. One, you, we've just mentioned, like Josh said, he wanted to be on 52. So I was like, well, I just want to be on more than Josh. Yeah.

[01:19:57] Two, I already talked about on no homework, which was showing up at Mogwai with no headphones and committing to it. Earplugs. No, unbelievable. No earplugs. And just being like, well, I'm going to do this. And three was a couple. Just shoot yourself. Yeah. It seemed fine. And then it was a week of sweating, whether I had permanently fucked up my hearing.

[01:20:23] And then the third was finding like in the back of a cabinet, like a 10 to 15 year old. And maybe even older than that. Green curry paste. And using it in tuna salad. Did you get powers? I got the normal amount of diarrhea for a man in his fifties. Okay. That's fair. That's fair.

[01:20:52] That's a lot better than I thought. I was like, I was, I sweated it a little, but, but then I sweated it out. Hell yeah. That was okay. But like all three times I was like, I'm going to be talking about this online, which justifies whatever I do. That's real. Charles, speaking to talking about stuff online, where can people find your stuff? We've talked about it before, but I always make people plug at the end. So plug your stuff at the end because that's now.

[01:21:21] So I am on all socials as you girls, UGA RLES. The only one I really post on is blue sky. And if that spelling seems dumb, just look for Senator Lemon Gogert. That was like, I mean, look, if there's a, I've tell everyone is asks. And it's like, if there's a Louie Gohmert and a Lauren Boebert, I don't think it's unreasonable to be Senator Lemon Gogert. Yeah.

[01:21:50] And so that's who I am. And then the podcast is No Homework. It is at nohomework.website. But this is insane. You can't do HTTPS. I don't know why, but it has to be HTTP or it doesn't forward. I don't get it. And like, so we've got to figure out the technicality of that.

[01:22:16] But if you put it in without the S, it defaults to the S and then it doesn't work. Well, it's nohomework.website. It's always a good sign when you have to. 15 minutes to give you URL. Yeah, follow up your recommendation with a bunch of tech support IT. Yeah, no, just look, just look for it. We actually do come up or I don't know. Maybe it's just because I've looked up our own podcast enough where it's just like my own thing.

[01:22:44] But if you look up nohomework, it's actually on all the it's on all the good apps and also the bad ones. Hell yeah. Well, thank you so much for coming on Anime Sickos. We've had a lovely time. This was great. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. Anyway, Joe's got to take care of the little guy. Yeah, my wife's home. My kid is homesick and I'm tagging in now. We're all getting sick. It's fun. Yeah, that's how it is when you got a little guy in there.

[01:23:14] So anyway, show over. The end is now. I'm Tom and Anime Sicko and the show is over now. Bye bye. Joe. Oh, wait. No, Joe. Sign off also. I'm Joe and Anime Sicko. Goodbye. I'm Charles. I am not an Anime Sicko. But still goodbye. But goodbye. Thank you for listening to Anime Sickos. I've been Tom, a sicko. You can follow me on Blue Sky at Tom Harrison. Joe was also a sicko. You can follow him on Blue Sky at Sharia Uncle.

[01:23:44] You can follow Anime Sickos on Blue Sky at Anime Sickos or email us at AnimeSickos at gmail.com. You can give us money at Patreon.com slash Anime Sickos if you want. Please leave us a review or something. I don't know. Tell a friend. Anyway, until next time, bye.