256: The Fear Episode

[00:00:03] Chain sounds, chain sounds, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom Why do ghosts have chains all the time? Uh, to indicate that they can't go through chains Which, why can't they? Blame it Yeah, that is, that is it The Muppets Christmas has some, some flaws, Tom Yeah We're here today to talk about that special emotion, fear Muppet Oh, yeah

[00:00:30] Because, uh, my son just unlocked it, I guess He is, if you ever met this boy, well, prior to the recent events You would say to yourself, this is a boy who's never had anything bad occur in his life He is never, he is not aware of negative things, period He is so amiable, so friendly, so, like, yeah, let's fucking have fun Let's do it, what are we doing?

[00:01:27] Like, let's go

[00:01:28] This boy is so joyful

[00:02:59] It did not teach him what happens when you're scared It taught him the concept of fear It programmed it into him It had made him, like, it was an original sin situation for fear

[00:03:41] Yep I'm looking at each other thing

[00:04:11] Look, uh, he's asked where the book is

[00:04:16] And then, uh, he's like, oh, you want to read?

[00:04:46] I'm looking at each other thing for fear Ivan's right

[00:05:16] Like, what? Like, it's a, there's a fucking ghost for real Just, it's a manifestation of darkness It's like a ghost made out of darkness You know, again, this is, I love pointing this as an example But it's, it is, at the end of Gurren Lagann When, like, the ship itself is filling with the weight of bad vibes And it's like liquid black hole and consumes everything That's what's coming through the door Yeah

[00:05:44] Uh, so I was babysitting Ivan recently And we were having a great time He is so joyful But every once in a while His new hobby of being fucking scared Would rear its head Uh, notably, I tried to, uh, bring my computer And put on a movie to sort of kill a lot of time Because it was a long babysit And it's like, I, like, we need to kill an hour With a fucking cartoon dude

[00:06:11] I put on, uh, My Neighbor Totoro It's a good cartoon Kids like it It's very simple Not a lot of plot And then just for context He has sat through a kid Like, he saw Land Before Time All the way through So he gets a movie He knows what's up Yeah, and he was transfixed by Totoro The opening with the song And every, all the little, you know, bugs Marching past the, uh, the text He loved that In the beginning It's the family

[00:06:41] Of, you know, the father And the two little girls Are traveling to their new country home Through the gorgeously painted, uh, Japanese rural countryside In the beautiful, luminous Ghibli style They're saying hello to all the people That they're meeting on the way there Uh, Ivan is locked in He is, like, leaning forward When they leave someone and says bye-bye He waves too I'm like, this is a fucking slam dunk

[00:07:11] He's gonna love this He's gonna love Totoro And he meets Totoro He's gonna be like, that's my fucking pal Um, so, what I forgot is When the kids get to their rickety new country home It's rickety and has been empty for a long time Kind of spooky, right? Dad says, yeah Dad says go find the attic, girls And they find a staircase

[00:07:40] And they look up And the top of the staircase is dark And Ivan completely changes And says It's on a dime, dude It's on a dime Dark Off And I tell him It's fine Everything's safe Nothing bad happens Everyone's front Off I turn it fucking off

[00:08:09] Did he try to close the laptop on you? He's done that too Like, I'm scared I am sending this away Oh, no, no He did something even more funny Which was He got up Because we're in your den Yeah And so I have my laptop On the coffee table Behind it is the TV You told me I could cast to the TV But I don't know what that fucking means So I did not attempt it So the behind He gets up Because he's just like I gotta get away from this

[00:08:37] And so he's now looking at the TV Because like he just walked away And the TV's there And he looks up Sees the TV And he's like Oh, no TV dark And I'm like Ivan, no The TV This is The TV's off Is what it is The TV's black color You don't get to be scared Like that You don't get to pile that one on That one's not a real one I mean, speaking of scary

[00:09:06] You've told me this You sent me this text Apropos of nothing And I would love to know The background These bunnies are so scary Yes What were we We were reading a book With bunnies I think so And he Just like turned to me casually And was like These bunnies are so scary And then he didn't like Like clarify further

[00:09:35] And I couldn't get an answer out of him So that was not Super good He has He has sorted his socks Into scary And not scary Because like He's thin Like Yeah Just like The socks With like the darker color patterns Are the scarier ones It is It's really great Because you get to see This binary Of scary Not scary Applied to things That are like Not on that vector

[00:10:05] At all And him just like Trying to be like Where does it fit? I guess it's scary I have to think That Part of this Is just that Being scared Seems cool Now It's like Oh shit It's a cool new thing This book taught me about That I didn't even know I was supposed to be doing I have so much I have so much ground To make up I'm behind Oh god I was so confident In all my abilities before But I'm really bad At being fucking scared

[00:10:35] I'm hoping that he is Just sort of like Performing it Because it's It's novel And uh The reason I think that Is because Well one When he was scared Of the dark He's very easily Convinced to stop I mean like When you When you Are telling me How to take care of him For bedtime Just show him Like yeah It's fine Look at the light That's coming under the door Look at this light That it's fine right And he's like Oh Oh I hadn't considered that Okay bye bye

[00:11:04] Uh and but But also Uh you told me This thing Which is uh He was reading uh With his mother A book Called They all saw A cat Which is a book About a lot of different Creatures seeing a cat And they all see the cat In a different way Uh and Ivan Had a very unique Custom request For this reading Of they all saw a cat Can you share With the class What it was

[00:11:34] Yeah be happy to you And I will deliver it How my wife said it Matter of factly to me She was like I was reading with Ivan I was reading uh They all saw a cat And he asked me to replace A cat with skeleton Uh it's not Halloween I know one has said Skeleton Skeleton to him recently I it's He loves how He loves ghost sounds He thinks he goes Woo He thinks it's so fun So I wonder if this is gonna like Taint Halloween

[00:12:03] He could have been like gone He could have had like no Fear He could have just been Going through life Uh just pure of heart Never ever ever Stymied by like Any hesitation Because of a nervous system That's scared But no This book which has A cute hamster thing on it Ruined him Uh and like we've said before Uh the people who wrote this book They know what they did Yeah they're awful people

[00:12:32] They're the worst among us And they deserve what's coming to them Everybody

[00:13:07] I was gonna say a cryptkeeper pun But every dead body There you go There you go Welcome to Anime Sickos Podcast The podcast for zombies Ah Where we talk about the four pillars of getting scared Scary anime Scary games Scary posts And the current job market Ah

[00:13:35] I'm Tom An Anime Sicko I'm Joe An Anime Sicko We have fear for you But before that Yeah we got one scary patron Who gave us five Terror dollars Ah It's Colin Oh Thank you Colin Thank you Thank you Uh if you want to give us terror dollars Or perhaps fright bucks You can go to patreon.com Slash Anime Sickos And you can get some fucking stuff

[00:14:05] If your dollars are not American dollars That we'd We'd just appreciate it Cause I think I'm not going long on those You know Yeah Yeah Patreon lets you do it I think they handle the conversion On the back end Cause I certainly haven't been doing it Uh on the front end Uh we're talking about this week That you heard the cold open You heard The intro This is The fear Episode

[00:14:34] What is fear? Fear is a chemical released by your brain That is Molecularly speaking Identical to ghosts What is Fear? Fear Fear is when shit is just so spooky What is fear? Scholars have debated this for thousands of years Some say it is when a guy pops out And goes Bleah Others argue

[00:15:04] That it's when there's a loud sound One thing we can all agree on Is that this shit's scary as hell Why are some things scary? But other things are not Some theorize It's because you're a pussy Regardless of scariness Some people Are just pussies Researchers have done a landmark study on fear And learned that it is the process

[00:15:33] Of getting scared Various beat investigators say That you get scared When Halloween beasts come out But we have learned that some guys get scared When they get the bills I guess it just goes to show That those people are just so So stupid Being afraid is so scary When FDR said afraid is only being afraid He was not joking

[00:16:02] It's so scary In my studies I watched a film A classic to many Entitled The Wages of Fear So that I could learn To earn the wages of fear And get a job Where I just get fucking yelled at And spooked all day Turns out It's about something else When one is scared What occurs in the brain? What chemical brew Distills that famous liquor Fear?

[00:16:33] It is called Gay ass juice The devil brews fear in his garage He calls it gay ass juice When you see a frightened soul Do not laugh Pity them The devil has had them sip Some of that gay ass juice What is fear? It is a status debuff That causes you to run around Uncontrollably during combat

[00:17:01] Damage has a chance to break the fear effect But you gotta understand A lot of people pick talent So their dots will never break fear What is fear? What does it mean to be frightened? What are the mechanisms Of terror? What dark chambers of the mind Are unlocked With the key Of spookiness? When a soul becomes scared What are the grim results?

[00:17:30] I don't know why people Keep asking me this shit It's really starting to stress me out Did you like that bit? That was the reason we did The fear episode I loved writing those I loved the fear Joe, do you get scared By scary movies? A lot of people talk about scary movies

[00:17:59] Like they get scared by them Is that you? Do these things get you? Yeah, they They stress me out I I think fundamentally my problem Is I am just Zero armor against Jump scares Of any kind It's just Even if I know It's a hack one coming And I feel like Though this is very much Like a very stupidly Manipulating score As we lead up to What is going to happen

[00:18:28] Even if all those things Are being laid out In front of me Doesn't fucking matter I'll jump Like I will Yes I And then What ultimately happens Is rather than like Enjoy the The joy of being scared And feared I just become pissed That like I feel like I'm a puppet And someone yanks me sometimes Manipulated Which is not to say I don't like scary shit Like I love The Shining

[00:18:57] That is a very Atmospheric movie Nothing pops out And goes Bleh I mean like We made like a joke about that But like that's what We're talking about Is that like There's There's Being scared of like Concepts And then there's like What if a guy Popped out What if a guy Showed up And like That's what's so frustrating Is there tense music And it's like Just behind the shoulder As someone is going down A hallway With a bunch of doors Just fucking kill me Like I I I

[00:19:27] I don't know if it's like An overactive imagination Or what It's just like I don't I And The jump scares Show up in stuff That isn't scary And I can't stress enough That like It sucks to like Jump at stuff That is Maybe for For kids Mm-hmm Mm-hmm Mm-hmm I think it might be worth Uh Valuable Rather To Uh Define our terms About like Scaring it Because I think

[00:19:56] I'm with you on jump scares Like I Well I'm a human Fucking being I have A nervous system When something pops out I go I mean like That's just how There's no way around that You are gonna go When something pops out And I don't consider that Like fear Because Like you say Like it doesn't have It doesn't even have to be Anything scary Like you can be watching Like a funny thing And if someone like Pops out And there's a loud sound You're gonna go Ah And it doesn't matter You're not scared You're just It's more surprise

[00:20:26] Than anything Uh I think that's cheap So Uh I mean Shining is a great example Because nothing pops out The only like Horror movie Moment Is when Uh Scatman Crothers Gets killed With an axe Instantly After driving A long long way He commutes He's a super commuter To get murdered And it's shot In like The least surprising And impactful way It looks like The axe

[00:20:56] Isn't sharp But like He just dies Anyway There wasn't a Black guy To kill So Like Just send away For one Yeah Yeah Uh But like That's a great Example of like That's That's a scary movie That doesn't have Any of that bullshit To like Just Does shit like That make you scared No Less so No Uh I think Put another way It's like I would say Breaking Bad Has like A lot of Like What would Be like

[00:21:26] Jump scary Stuff But in that Context I'm not Jumping Uh And I think It's because Like How do I put This You know How like There are Horror video Games And like There's Video games Where like Oh it's scary But you have A shotgun And then There's games Where it's like Amnesia Where it's just Like just walk Around when Everything happens To you And it sucks Uh Breaking Bad Felt like Whenever there Was jump scary

[00:21:55] Or sudden things That felt like The horror movie That felt like The horror games With the shotgun Yeah Uh Actual Real horror movies With jump scares Are the amnesia ones Where you're just like I can only do W-A-S-D As my sanity Meter goes down Like I feel Exposed Uh And I guess That's like A big difference Uh I The I'd say the single Like biggest jump scare Like reaction I ever got

[00:22:25] Was for a movie I've never even seen Oh huh Uh Which was Mulholland Drive I haven't even seen that Oh And that guy Comes out And goes Bleh That thing The joke Here's what Makes it Even scarier Is that If you If you watch The one part That we've watched Which if you Haven't watched it It's on YouTube There's a guy There's two guys At a diner And the The gist is Hey Thanks for coming To this diner With me

[00:22:54] I gotta say I have an ulterior Motive for hanging out Today Which is I keep having This nightmare Which is the Scariest thing That I've ever Experienced Where we are In this diner And we go Out back And there's Something behind The dumpster And He's like Well I'm glad That we can Prove that That's not Gonna happen And then later Uh All the things That happen In the dream Are happening And they sort of Both look at each other Like oh fuck We're doing the thing So they're like

[00:23:23] Well let's go out back Just to make sure There's nothing Behind the dumpster And they go out And someone Fucking pops out Dude And the guy Like I think Just dies on the spot Um But that's how it feels When I saw it Like he like Falls back And has a heart attack And dies But like The thing that's crazy Is that when the Monster pops out The sound It becomes Completely silent There's no Stinger sound And that's the David Lynch touch That makes it Uh Next level And he's

[00:23:53] It is just like A Kind of a Scary guy Like it's just Like he's saying Blah But And the lead up Is just Criminal It's just like Oh You're telling me You had a dream Just like Everything that's Happening And that there's A scary guy In this dream And he's behind The dumpster Of the diner The one we're In right now Oh man Let's walk Really really Slowly out there It's terrifying Okay here's a Here's a Another movie I have not seen

[00:24:22] But it is not A jump scare But I think It is terrifying Uh In the Exorcist 3 There is this The scene Of a hospital Uh And it's basically Like the front Foyer of the Hospital With the Nurses station And there's like It's shot from Like a Middle distance It looks It looks like They're getting B-roll Of like Hospital In Action Uh To you know Fill in As like an Establishing shot Of like

[00:24:52] We're in the Hospital now And it's Lingering on it Like too long Like you're like Did they forget To cut Yeah And it's just Kind of people Going around It is night Uh And She steps Out And Literally Immediately There is like Someone with Huge scissors Behind her And it like It zooms in And does like

[00:25:22] A slight dramatic Like dun dun But The distance Like the perceived Distance like From you and What's happening Even with the Zoom in It makes it So much scarier And I don't know Why Because it's like You were witnessing It's because The scissors are Sharp right At any Point In any Hospital in the Country There could be A scissor man And they'll Fucking get He's holding them At neck height Dude we know What's gonna get Snipped

[00:25:51] And it's a perfect Example of like How you can lure People into a sense Of security Because like What is like One of the Fundamental rules About horror Which is like Oh like There are people Around Like You don't get Axed or whatever Right It's only like When you're off By yourself And it It is set up To make that Feel like People are Working Although when It does happen It's like Suddenly everyone Is not there It is Wonderful I Personally I don't get

[00:26:21] Scared by Scary movies I don't know It's just like When I'm watching Them I'm just thinking Like what a Great movie And like When a scary Thing happens I'm just like What an Effective Dramatic device It's not Like if There's anything That actually Like scares me That like Gets my Fear reaction Going It is When there Is tension Regarding like An unbelievable Social faux pas Where it's like Oh no

[00:26:50] This guy Is gonna say Something fucking Awful Or like They're gonna Find out I mean The go to That is sort of The ultimate Exam I don't think You could Ever have A more Potent example Than that Episode of Peep show Where Mark and Chez Meet these Two sisters Who like Like them And want to Like go out With them And have Sex with Them And it's like Maybe we can Make this Work And they Accidentally

[00:27:19] Kill their Dog And try to Burn it And can't Burn it And then They're holding It in a Bag And they're Like found Like let's Hang out And they just Have the bag And in order To justify The bag Jeremy Says that It is some Turkey they Barbecued And starts Eating Part of The dog's Leg That he Partially Put in a Fire And is Crying And is Saying Mark Eat the

[00:27:54] Half Raw Dog Meat That is Far Scary Like I Watched the Movie bring Her back Recently which Is like a Horror movie That's like oh This one's like Depraved This is like not For the faint Heart And it was Great But like When there Was like the Monsters and The gore I was just Like cool But when There was the Part where Like the Social worker Got brought To the evil House by The child Who was Like my Foster mom's Fucking evil

[00:28:24] The thing That scared Me was Like the Foster mom's Gonna be Charming And they're Gonna the Social worker's Gonna scold The son Like that Was like oh God no Luckily I Don't think This is a Huge spoiler I think this Is one of The best Things the Movie did Luckily After like One and a Half minutes Of the Foster mom Being charming And making The social Worker think Like nothing's Wrong at all

[00:28:54] The evil Mom drops Just an Insane Evil Bomb Of like And also I'm doing This And social Worker's like What the Fuck are You talking About And then Like then Then we get Action happening I don't know I don't know I don't know I'm seeing You're talking About Jurassic Park here I think part Of it is that We're adults Because I saw Jurassic Park When I was a Kid and that Shit fucking Spooked me Big time Oh yeah And my sister Took me Because I love Dinosaurs as

[00:29:23] Kids often do And that is Just a lot of People getting Killed by those Things you love I Very vivid Memory Of the guy Getting killed Slash ate On the toilet Uh Just seems like A really scary Place to die Yeah Yeah I know It's like Like In the context Of the film It's just like Oh kind of A joke Kill Also wacky A little bit A little Slapstick

[00:29:52] But when you're A kid It's just like That'll happen I really Was struck By Newman's death And I'll tell you Why One Because he got Killed by a Little dinosaur Which means Like You know Getting at On the Um Toilet That sucks Obviously But like You bit him For a hundred Years Exactly Like the T-Rex Kills you Right away Like a Little dinosaur That spits Blinding acid

[00:30:22] In your eyes You can't Fight back So first of all You're blind Sucks I hate For that to Happen to me Uh And then a Little dinosaur Like eats you Slow You probably Like are alive For a long Time It's bad Dude And more To the point Though Is that it Was Newman And like All these Other characters These are like Crazy Dino guys Who live Lives that I could Never Uh I would Never Be in Their shoes

[00:30:51] Because I Would never Decide to Be a Crazy Dino Guy Or science Man You know This is Something that's Never gonna Happen to Me But like Newman Like I Knew Newman From Seinfeld And like Seinfeld Is guys Who were Just hanging Out And it's Like I'm Gonna hang Out when I grow up I know That I've Already made That decision And like You're Telling me That even Newman Could get At by a Little Dino Oh No I'm Just Trying to Rethink The scene Here He gets Hit with Acid Because he

[00:31:21] He gets Back

[00:32:18] The door No, no, not it does and not. Joe, we were talking about movies, but I want to make a slight detour into video games because you mentioned scary games. And I want to share this because I think this is an interesting observation that I've made, especially considering that a scary movie does nothing to me. The first 20 minutes,

[00:32:47] specifically, of a Resident Evil or other type of survival horror game is the most stressful experience that anyone has ever had. It's the first day at the worst job. It is, like, I don't think it's possible that anyone has ever been more disturbed than me playing the first 20 minutes of that sort of game. I mean, like, the Holocaust was very bad. I will admit that.

[00:33:16] But partially, the reason the Holocaust was so bad is because it was consistent. You know, it kept happening. Yeah. I don't know if any single 20-minute section of the Holocaust was scarier than the first 20 minutes of a Resident Evil. What about when they're, like, about to kill you? That's pretty bad, but then, like, at least no more Holocaust. Oh, yeah. You've fixed it. You turn it off. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry.

[00:33:46] No, but seriously, the first 20 minutes of Resident Evil 7, specifically, the one where you're in the Bayou house, it's, like, the worst thing in the world because, like, the reason it's so scary is because you don't yet see the rules of the video game you're playing. And so your brain just assumes that this is real, that, like, you're really there, and this is happening to you personally. Oh, yeah.

[00:34:15] Like, all those people are in your living room. And they're kind of small. Or rather, like... And then the big woman... Is that seven? Is the seven big woman? I mean, there's a big woman, but I don't know. No, no. You're thinking of eight. That's a different big woman. My point was, because your TV is smaller than a regular person, the big woman would be a regular-sized person, okay? That's so scary. She's gonna get you. She's for real. This is first person, though, too, right? Yeah. I don't want... Do we... Okay, here's the question.

[00:34:43] A little, like, interruption, but continues to vector. Is first person the scariest perspective? I'm thinking yes, because that's how I perceive life. If I can look down and see my feet, yes. If I can't, no. Oh, you need it. I need the feet. Otherwise, I feel like it's not real. I feel like I'm a floating camera. I'm not scared of a floating camera being hurt. It's not alive.

[00:35:12] But if I have feet, that's very fucking spooky. Like, as soon as you see, like, the tooltip tutorial pop-up for how to reload, a survival horror game is no longer scary. As soon as you realize, like, oh, the real game is before the credits. Yeah. Like, actually, like, I have a offensive option here, and I can understand the rules,

[00:35:41] and I can also begin to understand the monsters as, like, enemies from a video game that have, like, HP and move sets. This isn't scary, but, like, those first 20 minutes when I'm just like, anything could be real. Like, I want... It's difficult to breathe. Like, I'm not exaggerating. Like, when I was playing Resident Evil 7 for the first time, like... Like, I had to take a lot of breaks.

[00:36:12] The last modern Resident Evil I played was the remake of... Whatever, is it 2? What's the one with Mr. X? And you show us up. That's 2. That's 2. I think that's scary, because since Caveman times, I think we've all had, like, a fear of a guy showing up and getting you. Like, that's what he is. That's why, like, I think whenever I, like, chase my son around,

[00:36:42] there is, like, a joy in, like, being pursued for fun and stuff, and it's just like, that is kind of what we're doing with these horror games. But, like... But what if a guy got you? I... Well, this is another thing about these horror games, is that another huge tension reliever and, like, scare Be Gone device is just dying for the first time, because then you see, like, what's actually the punishment?

[00:37:11] Like, what are they going to take away? All you need to see is the words load game, and then you're like, all right, all right, all right. It's funny that you say he gets you, and it's in that, like, oh, it's funny how vague it is. A monster pops out and gets you. Ha ha ha. But, like, part of what makes Mr. X not so scary in 2 is... Because when you first see him, you're like, I gotta get away. Ah! Ah! And he's not that hard to get away from, because he walks slow. But let's say you fuck up. Let's say you go the wrong way,

[00:37:41] and he doubles back and he gets you. Oh, or you go down. Oh, this door's locked. God damn it. Once you see what he actually does when he gets close to you, it's like, okay, this guy has now become an object of fun. Because his move, this monster, this implacable force of terror, when he, like, gets you, is he just hits you with a haymaker punch in the face over and over till you die. He, uh, does he wind it up like a cartoon, Tom? Yeah. Uh, okay. It would,

[00:38:11] it would be, can you imagine, like, being chased by, like, a scary man with a knife, and then right when he corners you, he drops a knife and does, like, the put up your Irish dukes thing? That would be pretty bad. Yeah. I would still be scared. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, there, there is actually a movie thing I want to jump back to briefly, if we can jump around, which is the scariest type of movie, which is found footage horror, because they found it, it means an amateur filmmaker was doing something.

[00:38:41] They found it and you can't fake that. Can't fake it. That's so scary. I hadn't considered that. You can't. You cannot fake that. Uh, but yeah, any found footage is great because you could have nothing happen for 90 minutes. It's just like, oh, look at these leaves and I'm, like, fucking losing it. I'm just, like, oh, is there going to be a part where, like, the camera is, like, in a spot where it shouldn't be because it was knocked away and then you're only seeing a little bit of the fucked up? Oh, no, I guess it's happening. I'm going to freak out.

[00:39:11] You see a scary ankle walk by, huh? That's not the ankle of any of my friends. Oh, no. I can't remember the movie. There's a found footage Bigfoot movie and it is just, like, Bigfoot ankles, the movie. If you search Bigfoot found footage movie, there's no fucking way there's two. I mean, wasn't, isn't the one where he's, the famous one where he's walking with his arms out and he looks over, isn't that the footage? Tom, that's a picture. That's a picture. That's a picture. I'm sorry.

[00:39:42] Joe, it feels like we both were more spooked of scary movies when we were kids. I gotta ask you, when you were a kid, what was the thing that, like, spookified you most? What was your, like, pet fear? Uh, uh, sometimes on the Muppet show, I don't know which Muppets they were, but they were, like, the big mop Muppets. They would sometimes eat the smaller Muppets

[00:40:12] and, what? It freaked me the fuck out. Like, it, it scared me so much. My sister would be like, oh, look, come in, we're watching your show and it would be, like, the Muppets with them on. I'd be like, fuck! The lesson that's teaching you is sometimes large humans will eat you children. Like, I think the thing about it that, like, scars me, uh, fairly emotionally is that, like, the Muppets were fun and then, like, all of a sudden

[00:40:42] one of them just turns and actually kills another. Okay? And, like, I assume no one cares. Yes, yes, I was, like, I assume no one starts fucking freaking out and, like, crying hysterically. Yeah. Which makes it way worse. Like, that, that everyone's okay. And so it's like, Joe, an adult might eat you and your family wouldn't get mad. Because it happens. These things happen.

[00:41:13] Uh, the other, the other thing is I, uh, read a bunch of stuff way too early as a kid. Uh, I read it very young and there's a part in it where, uh, it's from the, the perspective of a kid. So the kid is scared because he doesn't know anything that's happening because he is a kid. It's, like, literally using the perspective of just, like, a kid that doesn't know anything to make it scarier.

[00:41:43] And the, the clown manifests as, like, a train yard hobo that's like, I'm gonna suck your dick. And, like, chases him. And, like, it's scary because, like, the kid doesn't know what that means. And it's also scary because I didn't know what that means. So I'm like, what the fuck? And, uh, I cannot stress enough that the fact that the hobo has, like, leprosy and, like, It's like, his skin is literally diseased. So, like, uh, maybe not, like,

[00:42:12] a good context to introduce the disgusting leprosy thing with dick sucking. Like, you see, you see the issue. Yeah. Uh, I'm not gonna explore this further because I know it is an evil thing. Uh, shit, that's scary. It is. I don't like that. I don't like that guy. I don't like that guy. I don't like that guy. Like, he's got some, he's got some sauce when he's, like, I guess not terrible with the hobo. No, I just meant Stephen King in general. No, yeah, yeah,

[00:42:42] he can really do the dome the hobo gives. I don't even notice the scabs. Okay, but what about you? Like, what was your, like, irrational fear that your parents had to, like, plan their lives around lest you fuck up the day? So, okay. Now, I'm not scared of Bozo. I wasn't scared of Bozo. But you know about Bozo. He would be on the TV. He had his show. His hair went out

[00:43:12] to the side. He was dressed in his sailor suit. He had a funny voice. He had the red clown nose. I thought Bozo was great. And I would watch Bozo. And I enjoyed the Bozo show. Which is what makes this all the more confusing. In the credits of the Bozo show, I learned quickly, and as did the rest of my family, that once the credits begin, you gotta turn that shit off. Because the credits

[00:43:41] of the Bozo show are a bunch of still images of Bozo in various, you know, scenarios. I love when there's a hard time limit on something for a kid. It's like, oh, you can't let it get to here. Yeah. Yeah. Bozo doing this, Bozo doing that, Bozo with the Bozo buckets, Bozo with his other clown friend who I never really understood what the point of his other clown friend was. He was like a hobo clown. I'm just like, get him off. He was trying to suck everybody's dick.

[00:44:10] It was awful. Not appropriate for a kid's show. It was really, really thoughtless. But, one of the still images was Bozo looking directly at the camera. His eyes were bulging wide, perfect circles, and he was doing an oh with his mouth. He had his lips all curled out and his mouth was in a perfect oh, oh. And so, consider this.

[00:44:41] This character who previously was just a distant entertainer is looking directly at you and his eyes, nose, and mouth are all gaping perfect circles and I'm just like, ah! Oh, this is like when Spongebob zooms in on somebody's tongue or something, right? Yes, yes, yes. It's more like when Ren and Stimpy did it because they really tripled and quadrupled down on the disgustingness on account of it

[00:45:10] was a pedophile who was the showrunner. That made me scared. The other thing that I was scared of that I just invented and I don't know why I thought of this but I did and it was a real mistake because like it scared me big time was I just thought about like, because my room was in the second floor of the house and so my window is up high and I thought to myself what if and I'm in my bed and I'm looking out the window and it's dark

[00:45:40] I don't know if you know this show but in the dark sometimes I see strange shadows in my room I sometimes feel scared uh no I as soon as it's dark and I'm looking out the window and I thought to myself what if there was a stone man who was looking through the window yeah I mean I don't know if I knew what a golem was at the time but just like a man made out of stone when I visualize him

[00:46:10] he has an Egypt headdress on that sort of makes his head bigger but it's also made of stone the same as his body there's a stone man looking in my window and I was like that's pretty scary but the thing that blew me away with fear that was like the X factor is if the stone man my window that means he's hanging from the windowsill maybe his legs are just insane well that would be pretty scary

[00:46:40] in itself but I mean because then he could run very fast but I'm thinking that he's normal height but like if he's made fully of stone and he's hanging from my window holding himself up and I know from what I'm imagining that he's not struggling that fucker is so god damned strong that if he gets his hands on me I'm being torn apart like fucking cotton balls dude

[00:47:09] I'm done so that's why the stone man got me also I had a very I don't remember a lot of dreams that I have had just historically there are two big ones that gave me extreme fright one of them I'm sad to say occurred in college there was a super villain named the log bearer who would who was a lumberjack who walked around with

[00:47:39] a huge log like a 20 foot log that he held on the end which again think of the leverage involved Joe how strong is this fucker and it's a gut sword he yeah for real and he hit my buddy Damien on the head with the log and killed him instantly and I woke up and I was like crying because it was one of those dreams where you wake up and you think it's real and I'm just like I can't believe Damien died and it took me

[00:48:08] like 20 minutes to realize like the log bearer is not real that's not a real guy uh Damien's alive and also the other this one happened when I was a child I'd been playing a lot of golden axe for the Sega Genesis and uh I had a dream that the dwarf from golden axe was huge I'm talking like 50 feet tall and walking around they're famously short Tom yeah well imagine if there

[00:48:38] was a normal guy who was similarly scaled up he would be even taller uh but he was huge I remember in my dream that even though he was huge in the real world he still looked like a Sega Genesis sprite uh and if you play golden axe you know that this dwarf's magic spell is to lift his hand in the air and lightning comes down and zaps everybody uh and he was just doing this Joe he was walking around my neighborhood and killing everyone with lightning

[00:49:08] and I woke up and again it was just like oh no it was just like when you think it's real and you're just like I'm gonna have to deal with all this death you know I thought I thought I was living a joyful life but now like things are different oh I remember having this was it now I had this really scarring dream where like there was just knives flying around and stabbing everyone like I left my house and it was just people being stabbed

[00:49:37] really realistically and repeatedly this is an Ito story for real uh yeah but I was I think I was like eight uh because uh the devil and yeah it was just like um it was a little bit of what you said where you like wake up and the dream is sort of stuck to you still and your logic is a little fuzzy so you're just like okay how am I gonna make the most of the day in knife world like how am I gonna do this uh oh okay it's getting a lot easier suddenly yay

[00:50:09] that is I mean I when I say that's an Ito story for real I don't mean that there is one like it is never explained why the knife showed up no one ever really does any work to figure out what the cause is or what we can do about it because everyone just sort of knows that it's pointless and it's just like the only thing we can do is just do our best keep it on uh everyone took a different route to work away from the

[00:50:39] killer lighthouse because it never stopped shooting those killer lasers I love the one I mean it's I when you think about it it's pretty much the same story as the one where there are huge balloons with your head and a noose hanging from them and when you go outside the balloon that is yours chases after you and catches you in the noose and lifts you up and hangs you uh because like in that like the dad is like all right I gotta go to the office like here I go do you think I'm

[00:51:09] gonna make it and it's just not that scary it's it's just like I would walk a little fast but Tom let me tell you about my business idea I thought I

[00:51:38] said this on the show earlier but it doesn't matter because the context is too perfect not to it's fear fear fear scary scary scary scary what is the most perfect small business none but if there had to be one it would be a haunted house so I have created the haunted house that will like make you shit yourself in fear like this is the this is the real one for haunt heads when you want to be scared

[00:52:07] and this is how it is when I first thought of this it was $20 now it's 40 okay it's $40 yeah you pay me $40 and then I take you into the haunted house and then I take you into the bathroom of the haunted house and then you sit on the toilet in the stall and then someone just sort of like jiggles the handle for 20 minutes

[00:52:37] and then you're like I'm in here I'm in here and they're like hello hello hello and it's like 20 minutes of that and it's so stressful that you have to sign a waiver because people are going to fucking die I mean it's a it's a mercy that you're already on a toilet yeah and that's it am I the person jiggling the handle you don't know that's what makes it scary too like you don't know but that's based on literally real life

[00:53:17] folks you may know about supper Mario broth if you don't what a treat I have for you supper Mario broth is a account that is on social media I know he's on blue sky because I'm looking at it right now I think he's on other things I was on tumblr supper Mario broth is a poster who just shares weird facts really weird

[00:53:47] esoteric like just like do you know in this single publication Bowser has a toe ring just like weird stuff it's Joe that is an insane incredibly on point oh for like to just make up an example like it is that kind of stuff for real well he just recently as we were building out the fear episode gave us a perfect segment because he's like I'm gonna do an

[00:54:16] experimental post that I don't usually do where I just tell a story about me do you guys like this another thing about supper Mario broth is that he is far too humble and like I don't know if anyone's gonna like this and it's like but everyone loves this and like yeah he's having like financial troubles and it's like can anyone fund me I don't know and like he made like everybody's

[00:54:46] we're all doing it dude yeah and you should yeah and you should it's like it's like oh you're the most beloved person in the world anyway this is the story from supper Mario broth when I was four years old I got my first console and video game since our family was poor my parents got me a used NES and a used copy of Super Mario Brothers from a flea market the NES had only one controller and the game did not have a manual I had no idea about the Mario franchise no no idea about the characters in it and all I had to go off of was what I

[00:55:16] could see in the game itself without the manual the select button does nothing in most of the game on the title screen only it changes from one player mode to two player mode with the only visual indicator being a tiny icon moving I played the game for months assuming the select button was useless until one day shortly after my fifth birthday I managed to accidentally press select on the title screen unbeknownst to me this started a two-player game which does not

[00:55:45] change anything in the game at first I just played through a few levels as usual and at some point I died in one player mode dying just restarts the level in two player mode control is granted to the other player that is when I first saw him on a black screen a man a lot like Mario but in white overalls even though he was small Mario only gets white overalls when he's fire

[00:56:14] Mario I was taken aback but immediately thought I must have found a secret or glitch and I waited for the level to load but the man just stood there no matter what buttons I pressed I could not make him move since he was waiting for player two input and I did not have a second controller all I could do was pause and unpause the game but the man would not listen and then I noticed it at the top left corner a

[00:56:43] name different from Mario it was Luigi I was very scared this did not seem normal I did something very wrong I thought I turned off the game and ran to my mother mom mom I cried I was playing my game and there was a white man Mario was gone and the white man was in his place and he would not move and his name

[00:57:11] was Lugie now note that I accidentally misread Luigi as Lugie and in German the word Lugie means lie or untruth I sounded like I was trying to convince my mom that there was a man named Fakie obviously from my mother's perspective this sounded ridiculous either you are pranking me or the game is pranking you she said I went back to the game and over the next weeks tried everything I could to make Lugie appear

[00:57:41] again but since I had no idea what I did I couldn't eventually I did conclude that the game was in fact trying to scare me on purpose yes unable to reproduce the effect I can only conclude that Luigi is real and I just haven't done the ritual correctly yet again that is such a good yeah I don't really know much because I'm a kid so there's some blanks here that are

[00:58:11] not getting filled in but here's how I perceive it that I love this is you know Joe Joe this is what I was talking about with like the Resident Evil games the survival horror games stop being scary once you grasp the rules of what the game is doing like what is pro you understand as adults that the game is a programmatic thing that must follow strict rules because we know that it is code running

[00:58:40] it all when you were a kid like video games is magic it's another world that really exists and like there could be fucking anything in there you could unlock master hand you don't know why not make sense to me as an adult we know like it would be impossible for a character like master hand to have a move set that work with the gameplay of super smash brothers so obviously you can't but as a kid it's

[00:59:09] like anything could happen like Luigi could be an evil white man who wants to get you you don't know he doesn't want to go anywhere remember he just wants to take up space yeah I guess that's true that's pretty scary but he's stopping you from playing Mario nonetheless you understand you can't play when he's around scary white man the white there was a white man there was a white it was a white

[00:59:39] oh no a white man I love this shit supper Mario broth please tell more stories about the scary white man I would love that never been horny never been horny don't tell the paper that I ever got horny let's close out the fear episode with a let's let's end by setting some terms yeah yeah that's a thing that smart

[01:00:09] people do is that they define their terms at the end after they have stopped being relevant so we have a word for fear it's fear but we also have spooky spooky I think we need to tease these things out because they they're both real to be clear I'm not saying spooky is fake but when we were discussing everything previously that was strictly fear it was not spooky so I am about to

[01:00:39] hit you with an incredible revelation that's just gotten me because when I was thinking about this in preparation of the episode I was thinking of it because you're giving me the dichotomy of scary v spooky which is interesting what's the difference but what I had thought of was being scared versus being spooked and I am shocked to think that I

[01:01:09] think I might actually have opposite definitions for both do you want me to explain where I'm coming from here yeah let me hear what you're thinking okay so my thought was to keep it short my thought was that to be spooked is by stuff that just happened like if you like I got spooked is like a guy like a skeleton popped out and I went I got spooked like a jump scare but like

[01:01:39] if I'm like thinking about mortality and like I'm closer to 70 than I am to my birth I'm not spooked by that because nothing popped out nothing happened you know but I'm scared I see I agree with this I think what you were teasing out specifically is that something that spooks you is over the skeleton goes back in the closet the

[01:02:08] snakes go back into the corn nuts can or whatever that fucking thing is but the fear like there's nothing that's going to resolve the I'm closer to 70 than a nude baby you know what I mean like it's dying but you know what I mean yeah well not only will nothing resolve that part of what makes it so scary is that every day it gets worse yeah yeah yeah something spooking you will turn your hair white

[01:02:38] so make your nails very long yes I think I think we need to think about end states here what is terminal fear what is terminal speak terminal fear I'm sorry what is terminal fear and what is terminal spooked terminal fear is you are the frail girl protecting the angel's egg you just oh that too like you Mulholland drive you you you're the guy you like you

[01:03:08] fall back onto the parking lot and is clearly having a heart attack death is I think the ultimate form of being frail you really can't get no frailer than dead guy yeah yeah you become dust which is frailer than bones that's true and then terminally speaking for spooked I think we're in agreement like you you look like the crypt keeper yeah white totally down with I think this is

[01:03:38] really real the thing that's really getting me is that if we you know we're defining the being scared being spooked but if we talk a strange

[01:04:08] feeling in aura like a spooky if I'm talking about like there's a spooky house it means like I heard a story about something that happened in the house and the house is old and the house is dark and there are cobwebs on the house none of these are things that are happening when you're spooked it's by something that happened it's by a skeleton popped out and went and like

[01:04:37] there is like faulty wiring that's sparking and also a scissor man is trying to get me I'm like this is a scary house it's opposite you see what I mean what do you think that's about I think the devil made it like that I do I the fear

[01:05:07] episode we've done it that was great I loved that one I knew I was really looking forward to recording this and you were right to oh the other fear related thing we didn't bring up I'll be quick about it is bachelor's grove Illinois which is supposedly the most haunted place one of the most haunted places in the country all the guys with no bitches went I never been there one time I was in a car with people and they were like we're going to go to bachelor's

[01:05:37] grove and I'm the ghost so I can only imagine and this would happen to me it would suck I'm just walking and it would just spawn around me

[01:06:07] and that would be so scary but yeah look at the bachelor's grove just search for it I'm sure there's a wiki about hauntings that luckily for me I would never go to bachelor's grove because I'm married with my wife

[01:06:37] sucks to be a man with no bitches but I simply don't understand what that life could be imagine you're like taking the census and you're just like hello who lives in this house and the house is like I'm a ghost bro and you're just like fuck there's all this mail here anyway that's all the time we have for anime sick I hope I didn't scare you too much I have been Tom and anime sick I

[01:07:27] guy at anime sick or email us at anime sick at gmail dot com you can give us money at patreon dot com slash anime sick if you want please leave us a review or something I don't tell a friend anyway until next time bye