Whenever the Sickos go on vacation, the next episode is us yapping about going on vacation. Well this time Tom went to Banff in Canada and met a variety of kooky characters and saw any number of funny things. Plus, Joe shares what he's been doing with his new freedom from chronic arm pain: reading the whole fan wiki for FF6 Kefka.
[00:00:00] So this episode is just a vacation recap Like half of it I think, depends how long until it stops being funny Sure, yeah, okay Actually, before we start recording, can I tell you about something? Sure So in Banff, you have to drive everywhere, right? This sounds awful Okay, okay, yeah, so that's what I thought
[00:00:29] But like up there, when you're in Banff, like it's so big Everything is just on this one big highway Like you have to take it to get anywhere And this highway is just like weaving through the mountain ranges And the glacial rivers And like everywhere you look, every curve you take There's like the most beautiful fucking vista you've ever seen in your life And dude, like we were driving on this shit When on the ship for like, I don't know, like 10 hours maybe
[00:00:59] Total There's no traffic ever Uh, I hate to say this But like I I kind of like liked it like a lot Like I liked driving up there Really? I know, I know, I know It kind of feels like a betrayal Like we are the car haters I know that I still am But like I can't Can't deny how beautiful and exciting And like freeing and powerful it was
[00:01:26] To be riding down that amazing road on this beautiful planet It felt like everything was opening up in front of me And like all of my worries were just kind of like falling away As I was like just really present in that moment Um, I'm having a really hard time handling this feeling Uh, it's a really complicated emotion that I am really struggling to process So I Uh This is kind of embarrassing
[00:01:54] But uh, it actually inspired me to write a poem No shit I didn't think you did poems I generally don't Uh, this is a very unique feeling, dude Um, I understand if you just want to start the podcast And you got a hard out But do you mind if I read it to you? Not at all Go ahead Okay, here it goes
[00:02:26] I'm gonna leave that all in Uh, no title yet Here I go Life's like a road that you travel on When there's one day here And the next day Gone Sometimes you bend Sometimes you stand Sometimes you turn your back to the wind There's a world outside every darkened door
[00:02:54] Where blues won't haunt you anymore Where the brave are free And lovers soar Come ride with me To the distant shore We won't hesitate To break down The garden gate There's not much time left today Yeah And this part is like the main part Like this part This is really emotional for me
[00:03:23] Life is a highway I wanna ride it all Night long If you're going my way Well, I wanna drive it all night Tom Harrison, Tom Harrison, Tom Harrison, Tom Harrison Stop, Tom I need you to stop Sorry? What? Look, you were really into it And I hate to interrupt you But there's something about this poem I think you might not realize What is it?
[00:03:53] Tom, this is the best poem ever written Everybody
[00:04:23] Welcome to Anime Sickos podcast It is the podcast for geniuses And the only podcast Where we take a look at the four pillars of modern misery Which are, if you forgot Anime, gaming, posting, and jobs And you may have forgotten Because we usually just talk about whatever I am Tom, an anime sicko I'm Joe, an anime sicko A little housekeeping note I was just thinking about that We should do an episode Which is just how all the pillars are gone
[00:04:53] Like, they don't make video games anymore You can't get a job Posting is only done by Nazis now, I guess I mean, I think we have done all these But it's, like, been so long That We need to address the conceit of the Like, what is under our horrible faces Yeah Text-wise That's fair That's true And also, I mean, I struggle with this The whole thing of, like, we can't do that We've already done it But I need to keep reminding myself
[00:05:23] That what happens when you've been podcasting for And I'm gonna hit you with a horrible number Seven years Uh, can you believe that's true? Can you believe I didn't make that up? But that that's actually how long we've been doing Anime sicko Because when you've been podcasting for seven years You can just repeat stuff Because the only people who will remember That you did it before Are your rider dies Who will support any of your stupid fucking ideas The news doesn't, like
[00:05:51] Oh, we can't do that again We already talked about that Well, actually it did Because the first day that Donald Trump announced his candidacy They were like, look at this dumb motherfucker And then after that They're like, well, we can't We have to treat it serious forever now And now we get to it That's how we got to this point Where his approval rating is 29% And it doesn't matter It doesn't matter He's, he's, he is He has I'm, I am not like putting the
[00:06:21] The anime sicko's goof or spin On what I'm about to say at all This is just Wikipedia Appropriate prose He has announced that the arch that nobody wants Is gonna be like a big beehive for drones Like it's, it's gonna be Like a mini boss for DC, I guess Yeah, and he's also like just And also like if you're about to enter the boss arena
[00:06:51] There's a hidden cache of sniper ammo up there Oh, we did say there was gonna be snipers too I, it's, it, uh, it's like It's so obvious to say this Uh, it seems like cartoonishly stupid to just say But it's like There's ever If you have any doubt That as soon as that bunker is finished He's gonna stop, start dropping bombs Don't He's gonna fucking do that Like that is obviously Like, uh, uh
[00:07:19] This is a slow barn raising Uh, why he insists that it is not While telling everyone that the barn will be filled with snipers And drones Uh, and it'll look great But, uh, but And also it's not being covered with the news It's like that's not really happening That's not really a thing Yeah, it's not It's boring We'd rather talk about how Have you heard about how there's a trans woman Who we haven't put in the hydraulic press yet? That's awful
[00:07:48] We need to stop everything and put her in the press It's so, like I mean, these people obviously are bigoted And want to have these positions And are shitty But in addition to that There's so clearly like a consultant aspect That's just like Here's what we're saying Like, are you Do you have no convictions? Well, here's the PowerPoint Uh, how you're gonna do this Which is so deranged Because gas is nine dollars Like, it's The only number that matters in America
[00:08:18] Is how much gas costs So, like, this is the time You get to just cut Non-stop ads of you standing in front of numbers And being like, no way You know that Tim and Eric Where it's like I got little prices I got big prices Uh, like You should be cutting that Uh, and instead It's all in on like I just found out that A girl might play sports Uh, and I stopped Everything I'm doing Okay? I, I am Using my full office Of this shitty rep Of Ohio Or whatever she is
[00:08:47] And I am doing a full court Push on this thing No one asked for And of course Uh, as people have rightly pointed out It's like The idea that you're throwing someone under the bus For something Isn't even correct Because like Nothing is actually on offer Yes, yes You know what I mean? Like there's no X wants to trade Uh, no That's not happening And obviously Don't take that trade to begin with But, but like That's not even happening Yes It is just purely Like either Either this person is so stupid That if you put
[00:09:16] Their hand in a flame They wouldn't pull it out Or They're like Finally I get a chance to be evil I love evil I also think it's so fucking funny How And I know that it's the wedge issue That no one actually cares about Unless you're an idiot Who's tricked by By fucking magic tricks For babies Uh It's It's like doing a magic trick To a dog Exactly But the whole thing That caught on With the rube class Being fairness in sports
[00:09:46] Is so funny Because it's like Hey You ever been to a little league game And one of the dads Was really scary Well Yeah You're not even See Most people Uh You When they use that example Which I think is a fair example Go to Oh you You see a little league game And there's a kid who's nine feet tall And he's crushing dingers You're not even talking about the player You're talking about the crazy dad with the gun Yeah The dad with the gun Who's yelling And like Threatening the coaches And like The The The
[00:10:15] The body politic at large Says That guy's whole deal Is correct Is what's gonna be The fucking animating impulse Speaking of nothing I have to talk about this Because uh It's still It happened Seconds ago Well like Thousands of seconds by now But minutes ago I was biking home On the 606 And I recently Talked about this on the show That this is a Trail A raised Car free trail In Chicago That I bike on every day That it has Perhaps
[00:10:45] The least need For a helmet Of anywhere in the United States And I still wear a helmet there Because sometimes Bullshit can occur I was Biking Down the 606 And I got a bell On my bike Every time I pass someone And they seem to be Saying You're making the Earthbound sound Yeah I make I go Ding I do one soft Ding And then touch The ringing part To turn it off Just to be like Just so you know A bike's gonna be Coming by This is Oh I hate When someone goes by And they don't mute it With their hand
[00:11:15] And it continues To ring I know It's And it's because I know this Non-sarcastic thing That I take that Time To be Thoughtful Anyway So when someone Looks erratic Or there's a big group I hit them with Two loud Dings And let them ring When I see Someone coming up Over the ridge Who appears to be One of those people Who if you put their hand In a flame They would not Pull it away I just start Hammering
[00:11:45] I'm like Fanning the hammer Like McCree Ding ding ding Like I am Dinging Constantly As loud and fast As I can Until I am past them Because I see Two People Yapping In the right lane Both of whom Have dogs With extendable leashes When I see The extendable leash I think Oh fuck Anything Could occur Now And so There's a Whole left lane Which is totally Unoccupied I see no one
[00:12:14] Coming towards me So I'm like I'm just gonna go To the far edge Of the left lane As far left As it gets And I'm gonna be Hammering my Ding and bell And Truly the last Possible second Before I pass them One of these two People and their dogs As you said Luigi Wave dashes All the way To the far left Whilst looking Not looking In the direction They're walking They're still Looking behind Them at their Friend Who they're Saying goodbye To
[00:12:44] And I Just barely Don't kill Them And yell out Very loud I'm dinging For you Toddlers are so Good at wave Dashing As you get Older You lose That But some People can Still do It One thing You said I had a Very vivid Mental image You know The comic Artist I don't know Is his Pants The guy who Draws all Those delightful Old men Pants I Immediately Saw it In my
[00:13:14] Mind's Eye When you Said I hit Him With The two Dings And I Just saw One of the Old men On a bike Talking to Like a rat And then There's I don't know Two other Old guys On bikes In front Of them I imagine That would Be the Comment Oh god Also You asked If the Doggy Was like A little Bitty Doggy
[00:14:03] I'm Unmoved The last Thing You said Before you Became A very Textured Paste Was I'm Dinging For you I'm Dinging I'm Dinging I'm Dinging For you It's Great Okay Now time To go To the First Segment Of the Show But before That So actually It's not Time to Go to The first Segment Of the Show We have To thank Our newest Patrons This one This new Patron
[00:14:32] This is a Long timer Who I think Had to stop And then Restart Betsy Cardinal Thank you Betsy Thank you Final Fantasy Nine Whoa Yo We got Vivi From FF9 Patronizing Us This is Good I like This a lot Thank you Vivi You can Patronize Us at
[00:15:02] Patreon.com And Tom's Record Club Is the main Thing you get It's fun I just Heard Today From Someone Who said They liked Them And have Listened to All of Them I didn't Know such People existed I think That's Amazing Could You Be Number Two I know Only one Way to Find out Anyway That's Enough Of That Shit Joe I Went On A Vacation
[00:15:32] And As Is Anime Sicko's Tradition When I Get Who's That Guy Who Hates TV's Homer No MacGyver Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah But then He gets The rush Of Having To Break Out From Their Slide Presentation So He's Like Back At God What
[00:16:02] A Good Episode Also Also On The Patty And Brief Moment When DVDs Were Around Can You Believe It Looking Back At It Seems Absurd That Like Not Only Were People Like Purchasing Discs Of Every
[00:16:31] TV Show And Movie They Wanted To Watch But Like If It Didn't Come With A Documentary Full Of Fun Facts They Got Mad They Were Like Where's The Value Oh And There's Also Such An Art To The DVD Menu The Games Bro The Games You Ever Play One Of The Games On Like A Kids Movie Yeah They're Bad Because Usually Every Time I've Had A DVD Game I've Had Like A Game Cube Next To It Yes It Is Tough To
[00:17:02] Really Get A Lot Of Enjoyment Out Of A Game Where There's Like A Full Five Second Lag Between Inputs Like On A DVD Menu But Just The Idea That They Would Do It I Think Was Very Funny No But What I Was Getting At Is That Like That Was One Of Those Facts I Learned About On The Simpsons DVD Is
[00:17:38] This Is A Real Use Case The Iguana Is Named Chub Chub And I Think That's Wonderful They're So Cool Because They Both Smoke So Much You See Patty And Selma They're Coded To Be So Cool They Go On Vacations They Are They They're Either Sisters Or Lesbians With Each Other I Don't Know Yeah That's All That Shit That Lore Shit Like What Are They Like That's Season Like 15
[00:18:08] Plus And I Don't Countenance That I Don't Want To Hear About It Even In A Joking Way Unless The Joke's Really Good In Which Case Joke Away But We Were Talking About This We Briefly Mentioned This On The Destroyer Show I Was Talking With Riley Here's My Pitch The Reason That It Was Like Cultural Shorthand That Washing Vacation Slides Was Awful Is Just Downstream Of Boomers Just Generally Hate Themselves And Each Other
[00:18:38] Generally Oh Yeah I Mean Cause It's At Its Core Let Me Share Something Special With You And The Resulting Reaction Is Like Well I'm Going to Sit I I Agree With This I Would Okay How Do I Put This I I Do Not Know What Larger Category These Both Fit Into But It Is The Category Of My Bitch Wife It Is The Same Thing
[00:19:08] Yes It Is Yeah Just Yeah It's I Would Like To Share Something Special With You But Uh Oh Turns Out This Entire Demographic Hates Themselves And Each Other So Anything That Involves A Human Life They Find Tiresome And An Imposition Uh It's Just Getting In The Way Of Quietly Being An Alcoholic And Uh Bottling Up All Your
[00:19:37] Violence Or I Don't Know Enacting Your Violence Give Them A Little Smack Uh So To That I Say Fuck This Showing Your Vacation Slides Rules And I'm Going To Be Doing It In Metaphorical Fashion Because I Spent A Week In Banff National Park In Canada That's Next To Milf National Park Yes Yes Uh So I
[00:20:16] You Get One Of Two Responses One Of Which Is A Gasp Of Delight And They Say Oh My Gosh You're Gonna Love It Or I Must Have Misheard You Huh Are You Saying A Child Sound Uh So This Is
[00:20:46] Best Place On The Continent Just In Terms Of Beauty So First Of All There's Roads And You Gotta Drive Everywhere So It's A Humongo Hundreds Of Square Kilometers Uh National Park That It Was The First National Park Canada Ever Did They They Decided To Have A National Park System Because Everyone Was Like I Want To Drill Here No I Want To Drill Here And Then They Were Drill And
[00:21:18] They Drilled Everywhere Else Oh Yes Dude Okay So I'm Going To Skip To The End It's In Alberta Okay The Closest Major City Is Calgary And Alberta Is Known As The Texas Of Canada As Far As I Know It's The One That's Flirting With The Secession I Don't Know If That's The Right Term But An Independent Alberta Is Because Of A Yeehaw Cow Like This Is My Ignorant Perspective But I Just See Cowboys Too Far Up
[00:21:48] There Yes It's Fucked Up I Dude I Saw I Saw Cowboy Hat Wearing Guys And I'm Just Like You You You Can't Listen To That Kind Of Right You And And Everyone Says It's Shit And They Hate It And
[00:22:18] After I Spent A Week In Banff I Was Like I Don't Understand Where They're Coming From It's Amazing And then on the last day we were there, we drove three hours out of Banff to the Dino Museum, the Royal Tyrell Museum, which is like one of like the capitals of paleontological science in the world. Because like that's where they make new ones. Yeah, like like all the fucking dino fossils they found. That's the whole thing.
[00:22:47] And it's not just like a chip of a jawbone. It's just like, oh, this is the dino in it. And they already put the puzzle together. Like the pieces are in order. All of the backbones are lined up like they found them there. So it's a great museum. But to get there, you have to leave Banff and drive through normal Alberta for two hours. Hell on fucking earth, brother.
[00:23:13] It is endless flat fields of wheat. And then every like 20 minutes there is, and I put this in big scare quotes, a home, which is mostly just a big strewn patch of fucking garbage. I don't know if we just passed the most garbage throwing on the ground Albertans in the entire province.
[00:23:37] Or if it is just that like in Alberta, when you're at home, you throw garbage on the ground. No, no, no, no. You don't understand because it's like seeding. You know how like you see someone and they got one of those yards that there's like a car with cinder blocks and like a bunch of garbage in there. It takes a while to build up to a car, dude. You have to start putting the garbage now.
[00:24:02] Eventually, if you go back to Banff, you know, in three, four years, if we're still allowed to enter that country, I would not be surprised if you start seeing some cinder blocks starting to form. The best time to put four cinder blocks in your yard was 20 years ago. The second best time is today. Fuck, dude. Oh, speaking of will we be allowed to go back to Canada?
[00:24:26] A lot of people gave me that sort of joking like, so what did they think of you as an American, eh? Joe, I got to be real. I don't think I spoke to. Well, I did. Aside from one example that I'll get to, I don't think I spoke to a single Canadian person the entire time I was there. How is that possible? Well, I'll tell you. All the other tourists are from Southeast Asia. So that's where they're from.
[00:24:55] And well, OK, but what about all the people who are working at the attractions and the restaurants and the rides? The ride. I mean, dude, they're rides. Like they're essentially rides. What about all those people? What do you talk? You do not talk to them? Joe, Banff runs entirely on migrant labor, specifically 22-year-olds from the UK and Australia who will work for a year or two for like $5 an hour.
[00:25:24] And they live in a hut, I'm sure. The real wage is that they get to live in band and ski all winter and be high at work. We took an e-bike tour from this guy from Wales who he was high at work and he had the best job in the world, which is he drives a van full of people up to the top of this big canyon.
[00:25:49] And while he does that, he tells them about how high he is and how he's losing control. No, no, he had control. But he's telling us how much he loves to drink and get high and ski all winter and which mountains are the best for skiing, which is not useful information because it's September.
[00:26:11] And then we get to the to the, you know, the zone and he brings out the e-bikes and he says, now we're going to e-bike back to where we came from. And we do that and he gets paid. That's that's his day at work, bro. That's also exercise. Yes. Oh, that was he's having a full day. I had never been on an e-bike before. So if you ever been on an e-bike. Yeah, they are easier, which is what the E stands for.
[00:26:39] But no, it is this the thing that sort of opened my eyes about e-bikes is this little sort of like factoid, which was that people who did bike all the time were like, why would I buy an e-bike? I'm a healthy. I'm a biker. And then they found out they actually ended up biking more with an e-bike because it helps out, which in general means you are doing more over a longer period of time.
[00:27:09] And it is less acutely taxing at once. Yeah. Is that the case? Yeah, dude. Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I thought I was a pro bike person because I bike every day. Turns out as soon as like the second I felt the E portion kick on, I'm like, I hate my bike. I hate my bike. Yeah, you're Fred Flintstone. You're a fucking moron. Yes. Like, oh, my God.
[00:27:35] Like, I've jokingly mentioned that my bike has the world's most advanced anti-theft system, which is being extremely shitty, such that like you want to go through the work of stealing this. You're going to want to fence this. Good fucking luck. I dare you. It is a Peugeot Grand Sport from the 70s. They don't make them like they used to because they found out how to do it better. It's very, very, very heavy.
[00:28:05] Uh, that's my old, my, not that I bike, but that is my main mental hangup with an e-bike, which is if I were to bike, I would get a shitty used bike. And if something happened to it, folks, uh, life goes on. Once you enter into the very expensive, but very much worth it territory.
[00:28:28] Oh, I probably get a little more, um, I don't know, anxious, annoying about it mentally. Oh, my God. Joe. Yes, you're correct. In fact, whenever Kevin, uh, our buddy Kevin Johnson, past guest on the podcast and the quizmaster at Genius Night, our live show, uh, whenever he rides his e-bike down to our house to visit and he like locks it up,
[00:28:54] he has like five locks of incredible, uh, complexity. And he still is like, they might take it. They might. And I don't, I like, if I was him, I don't know if I would ever, like, that's the, you said, like, if you're on an e-bike, you bike more. Like, I don't think I'd take it anywhere because, like, unless it has, like, a garage for it. This is the same logic as I never want a sports car, but, like, I don't understand.
[00:29:21] Even if I did have one, parking on the street is going to get it dinged, which is going to make me upset. So I'm, I'm trapped in a cycle of suffering here. If I am a fucking catalytic converter stealing teen and I see a fucking Maserati Sportacar on the street, I'm like, pfft, that's the one I'm doing. Are you kidding? I have a good catalytic converter theft story. Gimme.
[00:29:48] It was the winter because it was snowing. Winnie's car was making a weird sound. We were like, that's not how it's supposed to sound. And then I looked outside and I saw in the snow footprints from the street to our car to where the catalytic converter would be. Uh, and I was like, oh, shit. Someone absolutely took this.
[00:30:17] But actually what had happened is I had forgotten that I'd gone on a walk earlier and was chasing a kitty. Uh, and the sound I was able to fix because there was a piece of metal jammed underneath the car that was making a funky sound. But it was not a catalytic converter thing. But Winnie and I were both just like, look at the fucking snow. Look at, like, they got our ass.
[00:30:40] Like, it's exactly the scene from the Beavis and Butthead movie where they look at the broken window, the TV stand with no TV, and then the open door with footprints coming out of it. And they're just like, huh? I wonder what this is about. Uh, oh, speaking of bikes being stolen. What, uh, there is in, uh, Avondale in Chicago a, uh, a coffee shop called Millie by Metric Coffee. Metric Coffee is a fancy coffee place that roasts their own beans.
[00:31:08] We went to their main roastery once to their free tasting and wore the bells of the ball because of how cool we are. So they opened up this fancy coffee shop and pastry shop in Avondale. It took forever to open. It was, like, in construction for years. And they finally opened it up. And it was so buzzy. It was on the bear. They had, they filmed part of the bear in it before it was open.
[00:31:34] Uh, so everyone was like, oh my god, featured on the bears for gourmet. Yay. And, like, I lived, like, down the block from it for, like, a number of years when it was supposedly about to open. It opened, like, three years after I left. But I'm like, well, I have this investment. I gotta, we gotta go. We gotta go. And Kevin, he still lives near-ish there. So we all got together and gotten the big line. Like, ah, it's silly to stand in a line. But, you know, we, let's see.
[00:32:05] And we get to, like, that part of the line where you're not inside yet. But, like, you will, you are in the orbit of the door. Oh boy, oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy. The treat is happening. I'm hearing what people are ordering. We can see inside. And we see there's a big, big table indoors. Where it is, everyone sitting in it is wearing that spandex, like, lime green type of shirt that people who are serious about biking wear.
[00:32:34] So these are all big time bikers. And we also look and we see that just against the fence is, like, five or six bikes. And I don't say locked against the fence. They're just nude, loose bikes. Oh, free bikes, dude. Kevin, who is with us, he is a full-time biker. He has an e-bike. He's been a full-time biker for a long, long time.
[00:33:02] Does not have a valid driver's license anymore. He let it lapse. He informed us that those bikes cost $8,000, a minimum. Loose. Loose. And I know there's, like, the safety in numbers, but, like. The zebra mentality. The ease with which. I could have just been like, this is my bike, actually. And off I go.
[00:33:32] That amount of social trust, I can't imagine. It's like, haven't you seen TikToks? Don't you know what's going on in people's brains? All you don't, like, yes. How you, you, you could just walk away with it. No issue. But if you want to just absolutely seal the deal. Have someone else point at anyone and say, oh my god, he's jacking off. And then you can just take the bike. And, like, he. Everyone's going to look at that guy.
[00:33:58] And he's going to have to, like, sort of, like, quickly explain to everyone that he isn't jacking off. And by then you're gone. Saying he's jacking off. Oh my god. He's jacking off. It's such an elite move. It's so meta. Because the only thing. There's no way to be more on your back foot. Like, it's. In PR. That is known as a fail state. Yes. When you've been accused of jacking off. The only thing you can do to sort of, like, Aikido roll with it.
[00:34:28] Is to take your shit out and do it. But that. Yeah, pretend like you're not. You didn't hear it. You're like, oh, I have to jack. Okay. Okay. Back to my vacation slides, though. I got to talk about the one certified Canadian we did speak to at length. We stayed at. Me and the traveling companions. The same people that we went to gay Paris with. My wife's friends.
[00:34:55] We stayed at an Airbnb outside of a town called Canmore. Now, there's a town called Banff in Banff. Which is basically a dolly town. In that every single building and road and shop. Has been designed in a lab by a committee. To be as quaint and adorable to tourists as possible. It's like a big rest stop. But I mean that in like a good way. Yes. Not it's a toilet. Like, I am a tourist.
[00:35:25] I do not attempt to resist this. It is a factual description of what I am when I travel. And I love shit that appeals to tourists. Because it appeals to me. I thought the town of Banff was absolutely charming. To stay there costs all the money that there is. So we didn't do that. There's a town over, just over, that everyone says is also really cute. We didn't have any time to go there. It was called Canmore. Canmore.
[00:35:54] And that costs a little bit less, but still a lot. If you were staying outside of Canmore in a place. I hesitate to say town. Because when I describe what it is, you will understand why town is not correct. A place called Dead Man's Flats. I do have to emphasize that all the men we saw there were alive. Dead Man's Flats is the following thing. One, a gas station.
[00:36:19] Two, about four big buildings that look exactly like hotels. And the inside is exactly like a hotel. And they behave exactly like a hotel. Except, instead of having a front desk and a concierge and check-in and stuff, every single room in the hotel is privately owned and listed on Airbnb. It is a sick and horrible system. Oh my god. They really figured out how to do the worst of both worlds.
[00:36:51] But, pretty cheap. Anyway, in this sort of hotel, there is a built-in coffee shop and liquor store. So we go to the liquor store to get some local brews to drink while we watch Nirvana the Band to show the movie at night to honor our host nation. And the clerk at the liquor store in Dead Man's Flats is a white boy with blonde dreads. Oh, yeah.
[00:37:21] Speaks in a French accent because he is Quebecois. And we talk to him about, oh, do you like living in band? And he goes, not really. Most beautiful place in the world, honestly. It's kind of boring. He's not into this outdoorsy shit. He doesn't like to ski. He doesn't like to hike. He's just like, it's fine. How is he here?
[00:37:49] Well, he is in the middle of things. He had to move back to Canada because he broke up with a longtime girlfriend. And, you know, especially if that's your living situation, it can be a lot. And also visas are such a big deal. So right now, he's just kind of re-centering himself and trying to earn a little bit of money so he can move back to his favorite place in the world where he really feels at home. Florida.
[00:38:17] No, dude, no. Dude, no. No. He, he, this is a really good example of a inexperienced person not knowing their value. He needs to, he is in Canada. He needs to have women come to him. Okay? Like, it, it, it, it, rather than you go to Florida,
[00:38:45] you should stay out of America and get a lady and one who would really love you forever because you saved her from Florida. But here's the other problem though. If he likes Florida, he's not going to want to be with someone that's fleeing it. Exactly. Exactly. Yes. Oh my God. He's fucked. You ought to just put this guy down. This is, yeah. This is when I was like, bro, you're at two strikes. But maybe, maybe.
[00:39:12] And then he hit us unprompted with, and if Florida doesn't work, my second favorite place is Texas. And it's like, so you just, he had the surgery to become Gen X. That's what he is. That's literally what he is. Okay? Uh, the, the population growth in those places is just driven so much by those folks. The Gen X folks. Jesus Christ.
[00:39:38] So I can only, and, and, and the, and the Swan Boy joke where like he got surgery to become Gen X is unfortunately a thing that I am very jealous of. It's one of those phrases when I read, I was like, fuck you. That's really funny. I can, I can, uh, report listeners and Joe. Branson has heard us gassing him up in the Swan Boy section of Oops All Goof 7. If you're listening to this, we're going to continue to do it as long as you keep releasing
[00:40:07] heaters, dude. Uh, what can I say? That's one of our classic bits is to appreciate good comedy. Uh, and, okay. What else about this fucking guy? He got the surgery to become Gen X. That's so fucking funny. God. Also, it's funny is that the guy who got the surgery to become Gen X was named Cooper's spoon. And when it was revealed, rest in peace, but Jesus Christ.
[00:40:34] Like, so again, not to just gas up Swan Boy, but like, that is a single panel, very funny joke that hits hard. That would be the joke in lesser comics. Mm-hmm. And it is like one of nine panels as part of a larger blitz. It's like, yes, yes, yes. It's so many things happening at once.
[00:40:59] A funny name, like a, a funny name that makes your eyes bulge is like, uh, what a fucking treat. When you know you have one, you're just like, oh my God. And the temptation to have that be the joke is huge. And so just deploying like two thirds of the way through that. Yeah. This guy's name was Cooper spoon. Unbelievable. But then to have Swan Boy, like rest in peace, but Jesus Christ.
[00:41:25] Like sort of break character, not break character, but it's not breaking the fourth wall either, but just like, let's all take a beat. It's the goofiest guy being like, what a name without dignity. It's insane. It's so fucking funny. His name is literally Swan Boy. Like that's his first. Goddamn. Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, the, the, the, the boy who, uh, he wants to move to Texas, if not Florida. Yeah. Just that.
[00:41:54] And, and so I did not ask him what his thoughts were. Read the trade war between Canada and Trump, because it's just like, he might not know. He might not know. Like he, he seriously might not know. But I think if you, if your favorite places in the, in the earth are Texas and Florida, which are not very similar other than that they are right wing fuck holes where, uh, rights go to die. It's just like, you probably like it.
[00:42:24] Like you probably want Trump to win. So like, I'm not going to even bring it up. So I did. You were in Alberta, weren't you? I was, but like, you know, like I said, like almost everyone else I spoke to was not from there. They were also a visiting. And, uh, folks, I got to talk about like the things that the tourists have to do. Uh, there are these two big ass lakes that you can go to Lake Louise and Lake Moraine.
[00:42:50] There used to be that you would drive up there and they are, you would drive up there and 80% of the time you would get to a traffic stop where they said, we're full, go back. And they did an incredible thing, which is during COVID in order to like enforce distancing. They said, you can't make private cars. Can't drive to the lakes. You have to buy a ticket to the shuttle. And then they're like, wait a minute, this is so much better than having people park near the lake.
[00:43:20] That's permanent now. So you got to get a ticket to the shuttle. They'll take you to the lakes. These are, uh, Joe. So sometimes people make a joke about like, damn, this place I'm in looking like the damn Windows XP wallpaper. Uh, Lake Moraine and Lake Louise are like, they make the Windows XP wallpaper look like shit. When you see a photo of them. And it's so beautiful. Yes. You think like you have, you had to have retouched this.
[00:43:49] You turned up the hue or the saturation on this in Photoshop. No, I can fucking report that photos diminish the beauty of these glacial lakes that are a glowing turquoise blue that appears as though it's from heaven. So I would say go to that if you're in Banff. Uh, I would, yeah, recommend that. That's my vacation.
[00:44:18] Oh, also, I gotta say this. I said it on the Destroyer show, but I'm saying it here as well. I had one of the biggest L's of my life, which is, uh, my wife, my beautiful, kind, thoughtful, and creative wife set me up for the biggest failure that's ever been. Because I talked about the podcast with my friends who we were traveling with because it's a new thing that's occurring in my life that they hadn't heard about yet. Yep.
[00:44:46] And they said what most people who hear about my Destroyer podcast say, which is, I don't know what you're talking about. And my wife is like, you know, I make fun of Destroyer at home because of that guy's insane voice. But they're actually pretty good. Oh, no, no. Yeah, that's no, no. My dweeby husband can win you over with his words. No, no, no, no. She said, Tom, next time you're driving, you should put on some Destroyer.
[00:45:16] Do I need to continue the story? It's over. It's fine. I guess she fucking plunged a dagger into your back. Uh, I've never felt more humiliated and low. You know what it was? This is why I was tricked because her dad, my father-in-law is like me, a music freak who loves dat weirdo shit.
[00:45:42] He has the sort of blood chemistry that when you play him insano music for freaks, instead of going, oh, what is that? He goes, oh, what is that? Like I do. Uh, and this same fucking thing occurred with them. And my wife said, you know, you should put on some Destroyer. And my father-in-law was like, this guy, this guy's pretty good. And so I thought, I thought that it would happen again. You had false hope. I did.
[00:46:12] She must have known. God damn. I've forgiven her already because it's very funny. Can I give you my updates? I have updates. Oh, please, please. Okay. The first update. This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me is that my PC fan case fan is making a kind of a whirling noise intermittently. Am I hearing that now? Yeah. Uh, yeah. You're probably going to do a high pass filter. It just started again. I'll take care of it.
[00:46:42] So that's been a nightmare. The other thing I did today, which I really enjoyed is I read Jack. No, I don't know what that is. I read the fan wiki page for Kefka top to bottom. Oh, yeah. Like just while seated on my couch. Oh, yeah. Time to get through this. Um, great, a great time. First of all, wonderful time. Uh, one, I forgot that he's Italian. I forgot his last name is fucking. Oh, yeah.
[00:47:10] I got that's funny. Uh, the other thing that I love is, um, uh, the, there is this type of, I guess I would call Wikipedia prose where it's like this sort of like a simple syntax, informative, professional, but like it's clear whatever, what is being stated. And, uh, in the context of, uh, Kefka, it's just like, he's a crazy guy.
[00:47:39] He is insane and loves to destroy. Uh, as an insane clown who is a general in the Imperial Army. He finds crime to be funny. He was the court mage and first Magitek soldier, the transformation of which made him insane. It's just like, yes, thank you. Uh, the other thing that made me realize I was reading this is just like, and again, six is better than the fucking Final Fantasy seven.
[00:48:05] I was just reading the, I was reading the recap of just Kefka and everything, which mostly just dealt with him. And obviously some of the plot, but obviously the focus is on him and just from him, everything about the story, the returners, the world of ruin, what they try to stop. Like it was so clear and like it held together so well. And it's just like, this is a fucking good story.
[00:48:31] And then I think of Final Fantasy seven and like Kefka is just Sephiroth. Kefka and Sephiroth are the same thing, which is the, the, the corporation made monster. But it's like Kefka went insane immediately. And Sephiroth's thing is that he finds out about mommies and then he goes crazy. Okay. But like, uh, uh, Joe, I do. That's such a fucking good point because I knew about Final Fantasy seven and it's, it's
[00:48:58] whole image in pop culture for decades before I ever actually played it. And I knew of Sephiroth is the bad-ass, cool gray hair, big sword guy who kills Aerith and everyone. He's iconic. He has Sephiroth speeches. He's so bad-ass. And I was blown away when I played the game for the first time that actually no one mentions this, but he's all about him. Mommy.
[00:49:27] Everything is about my mommy. Uh, it's also just the, it's a very cool storytelling thing. But like when you do the fake flashback with Sephiroth in your party as cloud, even though you're not cloud, cause cloud's memories are actually, I'm, I wasn't even there. I was jacking off nearby. Yeah. And I am, I am my self insert is Zach homie. It was whatever.
[00:49:50] But it's the reason why Kefka is like better is like Sephiroth was like, I love following the rules at that point. Like, you know what I mean? He's just like, I love getting orders from the boss. And, uh, Kefka from the jump is just like, I'm a crazy clown that am constantly edging to new types of murder. Uh, so they're, they're like, there's nothing that needs to be explored there. He just needs to keep getting new angel wings. Yeah.
[00:50:17] And, and, and of course Sephiroth winds up with an angel wing, but it's not as fun because he's, again, he was like following the rules. Yeah. Also, Kefka, his whole, I mean, you talk about easy to understand the fact that final fantasy seven decided to translate whatever the rest of the people who have to do with Sephiroth, they use the word clone is dude. I don't know what the black material stuff is.
[00:50:47] I, cause I, I gun to my head. I don't know. Like I, I know that's the part where cloud is in the wheelchair. Cloud is the clone is a clone. What? And like all the people with robes who are, who are shuffling somewhere saying I have to make it to the reunion and they have a number written on them. And you're just like, I wonder what that's about. Those are all clones. Like I, it took a lot of research after the fact to get to the information, which is like
[00:51:16] what they actually are. Are those are all people who had the same thing done to them. That was done to Sephiroth, which that is so far from clone. Yes. Uh, it's not like he's not the alpha. It's just like a bunch of guys got the same procedure and he was the one that was the least fucked up or rather the most useful. Mm hmm. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. It's interesting that you bring up final fantasy last names.
[00:51:46] Cause I think that's so fucking funny when someone uses a final fantasy characters full name. That's how you know that they're, Oh, you're on the wiki baby. Yeah. You're on the wiki baby. You said Tara's last name was what? Get out of here. Cause like everyone's like, ah, yes. Aerith Gainsborough and Tifa. I don't even know what her last name is. Lockhart. Tifa Lockhart. Like a real fan doesn't know their last names because in the games that shit comes up exactly never. It does not matter.
[00:52:15] If it doesn't take place in battle, then it's not happening. Exactly. It's like in a design doc at square HQ, fucking Tetsuya Nomura wrote down their last name once because he thought of it in a second and it never got brought up again. Uh, it exists only to be like a body snatcher type of like pointing at the freak trigger.
[00:52:42] Cause like, if you say Aerith Gainsborough, she's just Aerith. Come on. Be real. Oh, the other thing Final Fantasy six says that I definitely didn't like appreciate when I was younger is like Kafka poisons that entire town by, uh, polluting the water supply. And then later before the world of ruin gets popped off, he, he does get tried for war crimes
[00:53:07] because for that, like he is part of the evil empire, but they were still like, Jesus dude. No, uh, which, uh, I think is, I don't know. That's a nice little touch. Cause then, uh, I think that is right before the floating continent part. It's so funny that in like the fantasy story about the, the most evil list empire, it's very drawn and very cartoonish strokes because they can only have a super Nintendo to work with. That happens.
[00:53:36] And yet in real life, we were about to enter the world of ruin and our, we are absolutely our Kafka has been like just murdering. If you go in a boat, he'll murder you. Like it doesn't matter what you're doing. Like he just hates boat in the world of ruin. They talk about how we're all afraid of Kafka's heavenly light that can nuke anyone from everywhere. They literally talk about that. Yeah. Uh, but like is, do you honestly, Joe be real with me?
[00:54:03] If there was a hundred democratic senators and some huge number of democratic house members and like somehow also a democratic president and also somehow nine democratic, uh, fucking Supreme court judges. Do you think that even then they would execute? No, no. Because they would be like, we're all, we're all fucking Kafka Democrats actually. Uh, yeah.
[00:54:32] And the end of my sentence would be execute the protocol of how to gently censure Pete Hegseth. Uh, that's what I meant by execute. Oh yeah. Yeah. Of course. Uh, no, but they're doing dick inspections instead. They are, you know, Joe, that's pretty, I'm, I'm pretty down after you're talking about that shit. Um, the world of ruin. So I, I'd like to tell you about something that's probably going to bring you up. It's definitely brought me up. This was, uh, brought to my attention in the anime sick is discord by a big time. Um, homie of the show.
[00:55:01] See, uh, so there's a tick tock on tick tock by someone called stolen intellect. And that's already a great sign. This was a day ago that stolen intellect posted this. So we're actually like kind of timely. Now this is a woman who's just talking into her front facing camera, like all tick tocks. And it has texts that says why I stopped using Himalayan pink salt. You know about Himalayan pink salt? You ever use that?
[00:55:30] Uh, actually I think I got a massage at some point and that was like part of it. Yeah. It's just pink. I mean, it tastes kind of like normal salt, but with like a little bit of different. It's pink because it's got like other rocks in there. Uh, I'm not going to play this tick tock because it's not actually that funny. Um, it's like two minutes long. Stolen intellect is just doing it.
[00:55:55] She's a classic type of thing, which is just like, I'm not eating this common food because like here's an insane reason why I think they're like hiding from us. Why? Like they're hiding in plain sight that this is poisonous. And it's just like we're living in the golden age of poisonous food that requires no conspiratorial thinking to get to the conclusion of like, this is going to make you fucking sick. It's like they, they fired all the food regulators.
[00:56:24] Like that's all the conspiratorial thinking you need. So her reasoning for why Himalayan pink salt is like, I don't know about this guy's stolen intellect is they have to grind it. They find a big rock of salt and they grind it down into the size where you use it in your food. And they grind it using these big grinders.
[00:56:53] And eventually they wear out and they have to replace the grinders. Where'd all the metal from the grinder go? Hmm. Think about that. It's in the salt. Hmm. It's in the salt. Hmm. Uh, now this is on its face, the really stupid, because this is true of all ground substances.
[00:57:19] I don't know what's special about Himalayan pink salt that would not apply to, for example, coffee, but that's not the point. The point is that this was a flashpoint for some really innovative, really important scholarship in a field that's very near and dear to us. Uh, because there is a reply to this TikTok about why she stopped using Himalayan pink
[00:57:48] salt by April Yabet Ephraim with 1,369 likes. It's petrified giants. All right. I want to snort it now. It's petrified giants. This is, uh, oh my God. This comment is liked by stolen intellect. So what I think what that's telling us is that, like, she knows this too, but she's too scared
[00:58:18] as a public facing person. She knows what happened to the last guy who tried to expose giants on TikTok. He got took. Remember? He's gone. He got gone. It's petrified giants. The top response to that is that's what I heard as well. What the fuck are you talking about? I love this.
[00:58:42] Um, another love my son 97, which, oh my God, that is an incredible username. That is an incredible username if it's legitimate. And also if you are like being a funny guy and inventing a username that is intentionally fucking stupid. Love my son 97 is really top tier. That's good.
[00:59:09] I hope it's real, but it's good either way. Love my son 97 says in a reply, which is again, liked by stolen intellect herself says petrified giant tissue. No, I really like this, Joe. This is high level stuff. Why do you think this is? Well, it's because it's true. I was about to say, what? How did they get on this? But it's because they figured it out. They like got close enough that they learned. Oh my God.
[00:59:39] Eventually, like fossil fuels, you run out of giant bones. That's true. Well, here's the thing. They said giant tissue. That makes it even rarer because like a bone. That lasts pretty long. A bone might turn into a fossil and then the fossil lasts forever. But a tissue petrified tissue. That's really rare that like that giant must have died in like really strange situations.
[01:00:07] Paid for advice also says Himalayan salt is petrified giant. Wow. Wow. They keep they keep hitting this. I really hope this is not a joke. I hope this is not a meme that someone said it and and the rest are just repeating it. Because oh my God.
[01:00:30] This actually maybe this is why we don't want to use Himalayan salt because if it really is petrified giant tissue and it carries the power and aura of a giant. It's going to get us too horny. Yeah, it'll. It's going to be dangerous. It's very dangerous. This shit is so stupid.
[01:00:54] I'm going to keep an eye on stolen intellect because I feel like she's going to have some incredible breakthroughs to come. But that was just something that was going to lift our spirits as we wind down the episode. I didn't want to end it on the world of ruin. That was a. That's anime sickos. Yeah, anime sickos. No, that was it. I got through my Kafka recap. I had to just share that with you. Yeah, you're getting back into reading.
[01:01:25] He's so scary and a clown. He's a clown. Was he a clown before? When he went insane from the magic tech thing was part of the insanity. I'm a clown now or was I cannot find that out. I was wondering that too. So badass if they're like we have this vizier in the wings who we fucked this guy up so bad.
[01:01:47] Okay, we made him do this procedure and now his head's fucked and he's a clown and he's dangerous. I like the idea that he was a clown before but like within acceptable bounds and now he's going nuts with it. He's so kooky. Like legitimately there is a laugh in his motif when his little theme plays it goes.
[01:02:16] And like that's that's the kind of unhinged we're talking about. Anyway, that's been anime sickos. I've been Tom and anime sicko. I've been Joe and anime sicko. We'll see you next time. Bye bye. Bye bye. Thank you for listening to anime sickos. I've been Tom a sicko. You can follow me on blue sky at Tom Harrison. Joe was also a sicko. You can follow him on blue sky at Sharia Uncle. You can follow anime sickos on blue sky at anime sickos or email us at anime sickos at gmail.com.
[01:02:46] You can give us money at patreon.com slash anime sickos if you want. Please leave us a review or something. I don't know. Tell a friend. Anyway, until next time. Bye.